Guilt and regret

So I posted a problem on here about this girl and me (drunk and stupid argument with the girl) (incase anyone needs the full story) so she's forgiven me and I don't remember the full argument but from what my friend told me I was aggressive nasty and intimidating. I have a lot of guilt over what I've done but it's also one of my biggest fears to be like that. You see when I was young I had a psychopath for a father who's now in prison. He would attack my mum and although physically my mum always won mentally he abused both of us knocking my confidence from a young age. He did try to kill me and my mum also. This is my fear that I will end up like him even though I had a lot boiled up inside and a lot of frustration it's no excuse for my actions. I now have lost this girls trust and she said she never wants to be alone with me again. I feel stupid and sick at myself for letting myself get so dame angry. I was shouting abuse and offering out people for fights in the street which isn't me. My friend and the girl both wanna just forget about it but I can't and they keep telling me to but as the purport-traitor in all this I don't think I should be let off so easily. I know it wasn't because I was drunk cause I've been drunk many of times before and never had anything like this happen before the only thing different was I drank rum and although I think it's that that made me nasty I can't blame an alcoholic drink on my actions. Everyone outside of this has said they don't believe I was that nasty cause it was me and I'm not like that but I know I was extremely nasty and I don't know what to do I about the guilt I try to repeatedly apologise but they forgive me and tell me to shut up and they are bored of hearing it now but I feel I need to justify myself to them

Well firstly you apologized and that's the first step, personally i think you should get counselling for the things that happened in your childhood, its best to talk about these things instead of bottling them up inside which is what i think happened to you that night, drink is fine for some people but it can bring up alot of emotions that you didn't realise you had and male you stupid things, the main thing is she accepted your apology but if u still don't feel its enough then its obvious to me that you should find someone to talk to and tell them bout your past and also don't drink again until your head is sorted, hope i helped you

Ok hun i hate to say this but time to move on you have apologized and said your sorry leave it at that. Move forwards in your life and not backwards forget about the past. Counseling does help but also so does goal setting.