Nearing the end of my rope

I have been in a relationship for 5 years. At first every thing was great but over the years she keeps pulling away from me. A few years ago she had a so called "stalker" and decided to mess with her head to make her "think" they were dating. Let's just say that hurt me more than the other chick. Over the years it feels like she has lost an interest in being intimate with me. It will be months and I'm still the one that has to make the move. When I confront her about it she tells me that if I'm not getting enough to find someone else. But the messed up thing is that I will find our toys moved around from where we left them last. I feel like she's being unfaithful to me but Idk how to find out without snooping through her phone, cuz I don't think I will like what oil find if I do. I need some advice.

Intimacy is important in a relationship, one of the key ingredients for it's success. If it's gone, then the relationship as you knew it, no matter how good at first, has gone with it. She tells you, after months of no intimacy, to go elsewhere if you're not getting enough?.. She's told you then and there, it's over... and possibly in her mind she moved on already but just hasn't told you in the manner that you deserve. You don't need to snoop in her phone. Your heart is saying one thing but your gut is telling you something else and usually you go with your gut feeling because it's usually right. On reading between the lines, I think you're a most considerate person because you've hung in there even though you were hurt earlier on and I think you now need someone who mirrors your standards.

Thank you, that honestly brought a tear to my eye. My only issue right now is that she has a big knee surgery coming up and I'm the closest thing that she has to family where we live. I really don't know where to begin. Every time I tell her that I want to talk she automatically assumes that it's going to be a fight. I don't mean for it to but it usually does end up that way, cuz I feel like I candy/don't know how to talk to her anymore. I think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. But when I actually put it into motion something goes seriously wrong between my brain and my mouth. We have almost ended it a couple of times here lately but she always ends up talking me into staying, even though at one point some time ago she actually told me that she felt obligated to be with me. I'm sorry for rambling, It's just the first time I have been able to talk about this and its like a damn of emotions and feelings is just flooding the screen. And it honestly scares the he'll out of me.

It's totally up to you whether you support her during her knee surgery or not. I'm sorry but she has stated she felt obligated to be with you some time ago and this tells you in no uncertain terms, that the relationship is over as you BOTH knew it in the beginning. I don't think she understands or she just doesn't know that she has stated the obvious. It's an EXPECTATION to be with your partner, through good times and bad, but it's not an obligation..never has been and never will be. All successful intimate relationships are a two way street but there are no obligations. In life, our obligations are to our fellow human beings we deal with daily and not our intimate and close partners whom we rely on to assist us to meet our obligations to others outside of the relationship. She needs you in her own sense, possibly as a friend, but not as a lover otherwise she wouldn't have told you to go elsewhere. She assumes there's going to be a fight when you want to talk because she puts the shutters up. She doesn't want to listen but she still manages to talk you into staying, she's playing your emotions. Personally, I think you need to clear your head and give your tired soul a much needed rest. That way your brain and your mouth will begin to make sense again. If that means walking away from her now then it'll be for the best because in doing so you are being true to yourself. You don't have to support her any longer but if you want to, rather than need to, then you will...wild horses won't stop you...but it'll be up to you when you start being kind to yourself and move on.

To the last response I'm not a guy. Well the shit has hit the fan today. I tried to figure out how to confront her about everything. I did go through her phone this morning. And let's just say that she hasn't been faithful at all. She has been talking to at least five different people. Telling them I love you, calling them baby and gorgeous. The thing that gets me is that one of the people she was talking to was a dude. And to make things worse she was sexting him, sending him pics of herself if you get what I'm saying. The only explanation she could give me as to why she did this was that she is fucking stupid.I mean WTF? !?!? She is a lesbian. We were fighting off and on for a good 5-6 hours. She keeps pushing me to try and fix this. I don't know how many times I told her that emotionally I can't do it anymore. It's been a long and emotional day.

Just leave now..back your gear and go..it's the only way you can FIX IT. Let her be f*****g stupid but you don't have to go to her level. You said you can't do it anymore, so save yourself and just go.