Complicated with kids involved

Will try to make this as short as possible. Me: 30 yrs old, divorced..been hurt quite a few times. Met a guy that I immediately had a strong connection with. He is 25, separated with 2 children; 1 is 3yrs the other 18 mths. His ex..according to him is very difficult to deal with, doesn't listen just gets angry and tries to keep the kids from him when he's not kissing her a$$. Well, I have no kids but love them and knew by choosing to go forward with this relationship that I would be accepting these 2 precious and innocent children. Things were great, we were only together 2 mths but both of us are the ones that fall hard and fall quick..and we did. We agreed to keep the kids out of this until we knew where this was going. Well with things getting to the point of us talking about a future together seems pretty obvious things got serious and the kids should be brought around some to get to know me, see how they would interact with me etc. Well the kids mother does not want another woman around the kids..she has never met me. I have spoke to my bf several times letting him know that I am willing to do whatever she wants for her to feel "comfortable" with me and to get to know me. (If it were my kids, I would know the girl like the back of my hand before she spent 1 sec with my children) but instead of him making this happen, he says the holidays really put in perspective how difficult things were gonna be with him not being around to wake his kids up on Christmas morning, and other special days. He doesn't know if her or his family will ever accept me as part of his life (family likes me as a person, but very religious and don't agree with his choice to separate) Him and her are like fire and gasoline and he has tried going back to her for the sake of the kids one time and it obviously had the result as the first time or else I'd never been involved, but he broke up with me the day after Christmas and has since mentioned to me that he has considered going back to her because he doesn't know that he can handle not being with his kids everyday. I have talked to him and explained to him if that's what he felt he needed to do I would respect it but there's no way I could support it because children need to be in a happy environment and should be taught by example of how a marriage should be and how a wife should treat her husband and vice versa. But they were his kids and if felt their marriage was a good example then so be it. Well, he has sworn to me that he doesn't want to be with her, its just his kids that he wants to be with. That he loves me and he wants a future with me he just doesn't know how, if ever, to make it work. I told him calmly that he needs to sit down and talk with his ex and let her know whats going on and what he expects and that she needs to accept the fact that eventually someone will be involved just as he will have to do the same when she moves on. I have really tried to sit on the fence with this and not try to convince him to "choose me" because to me its about the children. I really don't care if she likes me or not, it would def make things easier, but that's not my concern. I grew up in a split home and even after the abuse my parents and step parents were able to get along and be around each other and that's the type of person I am. I want us all to get along and be there for the kids to not just have a split home.. but 3 possibly 4 parents that love them and can put all differences aside to show them love and what a family is. Now it is 2 1/2 wks later, we have cont to hang out and act like things are the same, just without the title girlfriend/boyfriend, but he informs me the other night that just because we still have fun together and love each other that nothing has changed, he's still in the same position of not knowing what to do and not knowing what's best for his kids. (He has seen me with kids, my family and some of his nieces/nephews, knows that I adore children and am good with them) He told me he didn't expect me to wait but I told him I loved him and I would wait. But at this point, I'm feeling like I am the complication, that if it wasn't for me he wouldn't be this torn and having to make these decisions. I tell him just tonight that I have considered just pulling myself out of the picture to make it easier on him. That I love him and meant every word I have ever said about loving him and wanting a future with him and his children, but it is killing me to see him this hurt and torn. That I would not be that girl thats gonna stand between him and his children. If she never agrees to let me around the kids how is a relationship going to work? But instead of him appreciating the fact that I care that much for him..he gets mad and just tells me. "I'll get up with you when I make my decision, until then I hope you stay happy and have a good life". Did I mess up any chances of it working out by trying to do the right thing?? At this point he has yet to talk to her to try to figure things out. Everything is still just the same, no effort whatsoever to make things better. I have offered to reach out to her myself if he thought it would be easier than him trying to talk her into giving me a chance..nothing. Just a few other notes cuz I'm sure there will be questions: I asked him about getting it in papers for him to have his kids on certain days so she could no longer use them as a pawn to get her way...his response: I don't want my kids just on certain days, I want my kids whenever I want (and he usually can as long as its not while he's with me) He lost his job and as been without one since Halloween and has lost everything and has had to move back in with his parents..so this is obviously playing on his ego some (you know how guys are ;) ) His parents and his ex are both Pentecostal...Im baptist so they are trying to play the religion card on him about how I wear pants and makeup and how it's going to be confusing for the children to understand why I can and they can't. I really do love this man and am willing to work things out the best that I can but I can't be the only one making effort and it seems that I am. Now I feel like tonight I may have lost all chances by telling him I have CONSIDERED stepping back, not that I AM done, but considered.. just to take some of the stress off him. And his reaction was like I told him I was done and never wanted to see him again. That's not the case at all, I love him and want to be with him. He told me before tonight he couldn't have asked for a better woman or relationship, it is 100% the situation regarding the kids as to why he broke up with me. any advice???? Wait?? Let it go?? Did I mess up?? :'(

I've not made any attempt to force myself on anyone. Have not told him im ready to involve the kids. I have let him call the shots on that since its his children and his family. And getting involved with him didn't seem that it was going to be this complicated. Had I known I wouldn't have set myself up for more hurt. I have been through enough. And as far as me moving "way to fast" as you claim. He was moving just as fast, it was mutual until he just came to a screeching halt. He is now giving me the silent treatment because I had suggested pulling myself out of the picture to make things less difficult for him. Not sure if he's hurt, mad, or just doing bc he knows it hurts me and I can't stand being ignored, but either way, until I hear from him I guess the only thing I can do is keep as quiet as he's being.