Proposed - but doesn't want to get married??

Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years this year. 5 years ago, he asked me to marry him. We then spent the last few years dragging our feet, we have become the pun of all the family jokes and all our friends (who haven't been together nearly as long as us) are all now happily married. Myself, always wanted to talk wedding with him and often spent hours search online for tip and ideas, created wedding folders ect, booked wedding show arounds ect. But he never showed any interest, which caused huge fights because all my groom friends gave a hoot about their weddings. Anyway, in the next year my father said that enough was enough and that he would pay for the wedding - we just had to plan it. So I start booking thing and paying for items. My partner started to be mean if I spoke to him about the wedding - comments about the cost and the most painful - that 'he only proposed to me to shut me up'. That really hurt because as a little girl you always image how that perfect moment is going to be and once he said that not only did he destoy that moment in my mind but I feel like I can't trust him. Since then he has said it was a joke. He has also made comments that 'he doesn't believe in marriage' and 'it's just a piece of paper - what a waste of money'. I have given his ring back. I work in weddings, I spend everyday planning other peoples big days - and have been dreaming of my own wedding since the age of 6!!! I have promised myself never to speak of wedding to him again or our future, but I feel so hurt that a. he doesn't want to marry me b. that I have had to cancel everything booked (not him) c. that more then likely I will have to tell family/friends (who are asking about the wedding date) d. that he has known from day one that I love weddings - if he never wanted to get married, then why propose? e. That I have to give up my dreams for him - and nothing changes in his head. Can I ever forgive him? Can we ever get back to normal?