Emotionally unstable

Over 6 months ago, I began a deep loving relationship with a woman . I think she is a beautiful and wonderful woman and enjoy being with her , vice versa . She's had some troubles through her life, but then who hasn't. The last month or so, the relationship has become difficult. She is withdrawn at times, she shuts down when we are talking about the relationship and moreover anything at begining of . She has always had trouble showing affection or expressing love or feelings. This is something that I have found over the months. I need in a relationship, to know that my partner loves and cares for me. It makes me feel special to her but some how n sometimes she used to express but not much . I didn't enter the relationship to feel happy, but having been in relationships before, you get happiness from being with someone that loves you anyway. But without these things I feel unloved, not special and like the relationship is one sided. In the last weeks I have determined that she is emotionally unavailable. The descriptions I have read from many sources draw pretty good pictures of my girlfriend. The good thing is that she is willing to change kind off transformation which i like to see in her . Yet, it is going to be a long and sometimes lonely trip for me as she makes changes in herself. I dunno how long it'll take for her ...and she sent a text message last nite ------ In my list of sorry u wud be the first. I messed up Ur life the worst. Am sorry for all that I did arun. I knew everything, u liked me, my family, my unsteadiness. But I behaved selfish. Wen all advised me to take a decision and stick to it, think and decide, I dint. I liked Ur presence and I used the fact that u wr saying ly friendship. I behaved selfish and continued this without deciding. All those times I came out with you, thr was no committment in me. I liked u, I was happy to be thr, and that's all that mattered thn. I tried every way possible to make u leave me wen I realised u wr not playing like everyone said. I don't let my emotions show cos I don't want to get hurt. Maybe that's y viji(her close friend) separation dint hurt me much. And that's y I cannot continue this. The fear for my family remains. They can never accept love marriage, and they can never accept u. I knew all the differences between us and it dint matter to me. But I am a unsteady person. I can't say I ll forever be the same. If at some point I think had I not, that ll be the end of things. More than that, I am not willing to get hurt. And so forever me and my emotions ll remain detached. That's the decision I took that day, I ll come out of this circle. I dunno if I ll. But if that day happens, if we want this thn, if all goes well let's see Wat happens. But til thn, I don't want to confuse u and me. Once I told u, if u do everything for me, thr ll be nothing like Tarun(myself), and such relationship can't work. But now I know thr a no thing as disney(my Girlfriend). If Viji says stay away, I avoid you. If u ask y am being odd, I talk to you. I hv hurt u so many times in my effort not to hurt you. U wr my best friend. But now am not treating u even as a friend. And before u decide I played, no I dint. Thr wr times wen I really felt this is perfect. But I played safe to save me from being hurt wen I hv to let go. But somehow I got in too deep and now I really dunno Wat am gng to do. Wen I see my parents reaction, with them thinking all this over, I feel like a cheat. Am making them believe this happiness is permanent. I am also letting u believe this might work. I dunno whose dreams am gng to break. U wr the best that happened to me. I never thot I cud like someone so much, but wen I know my fear I can't continue without solving it. Am scared for my family. Am scared I ll regret choosing u someday. Am scared I won't care enuf to stop u if at u walk away. Am scared to believe this ll work. I overthink issues. Every second I was with you, in person or on phone I wanted this to work. Everytime I was away, with my parents, alone thinking I felt this s not right. I cud not decide anything. That's y I wud say I love you one day and confuse soon after. Both seemed real and right to me. I admit thr cannot be someone who cud love me as much as you, but I dunno if I love you or I love the fact u love me. I am used to Ur presence now, I dunno if I can manage without it, but I ll try. Around you, nothing seems important. That's y I asked u not to msg me. I wanted to know if I wud want wen u r not around too. If I am gng to be this emotionally detached person, who can walk away from anybody without a tear, thr s no point in me being in anybody s lif....." I'm tired of hearing all this again and again and i realised there is no point in dragging it so i let her go this time ..i told her ok sweetheart ..Take ur time n decide . And call me as u told me n I'll remain d same ..no matter what I Love You .......I really do know wat she's upto ? Is she gonna ditch me ? What i told her is correct ? what should i do ? I could't. Resist myself calling her again n again .....PLEASE HELP ME .....