How do I get him back?

Okay, so long story, lol. My boyfriend of a little less than four years just broke up with me about 3 months ago and I'm taking it really hard. He's my everything and I love him to death and will do whatever it takes to get him back. In the beginning, we were always on and off dating in high school because we were being stupid, and sometimes it may have taken a while, but he would always take me back in the end, one way or another. One time it took him another girlfriend and 9 months when I didnt even talk to him at all and he still came back to me saying he missed me and then he told me for the first time, while he was crying, that he was in love with me. He always said it was just a stupid mistake and he was being childish and dumb for leaving me because he has always been very much in love with me and we have a special connection we just can't get with other people. We haven't been able to get over each other at all for the 4 years we've been together, even after seeing other people, we always were in love and haven't been able to forget it. Anyways, we had been fighting over dum Sh!t lately because he's been worried about me being in college and what not and he broke up with me and at first he wouldn't tell me why. It honestly makes no sense because he said, "I dont want to, I have to" "it's best for the both of us and our health" "Im doing this because of personal reasons" "I need to focus on school" "Its not becauseo f any other girl I promise" "I dont want to hold you back anymore" and just random stuff. And it doesnt make sense because he was crying saying he can't believe he did that, he still loves me, there's a strong chance of us getting back together in the future, I'm the only girl that he ever wants to marry and have kids and a future with, and he promised to not date or have sex with any other girl unless it's me (we saved ourselves for each other). And after he did it, he kissed me and held me tight. He also is trying to be best friends with me and keep talking to me in the same way and hanging out with me. So I was talked to my good guy friend about it the day after it happened and he said that my ex is just kind of confused right now because he was so worried about me in college that he replaced that worry with anger, and finally his brain just got so tired of being angry, it kinda shut down so he just needs a break. Because obviously he still loves me. He thinks that he really didnt want to break up, but he just kinda needs a gap to let him rethink himself and figure out that he was being stupid in leaving me. So he said if I played the waiting game, like dont text him unless he texts me first, act normal but not too happy and not too sad either, and pretended like i didnt really care that much if he ever happens to mention other girls, he's going to notice that gap in his life that is me and start to miss me. My ex already thinks about me almost constantly, and in the past break ups and even when we were with other poeple, he always thought about me and always came back to me. We had our future planned out together and I have three promise rings from him and a multitude of love letters to back it up. One time he even did a mini pre-proposal proposal thing. So I called him on the phone one night a few days after the breakup and he talked about other girls, but he also confused me cus he was like, oh youre so pretty, youre a princess, I love you and miss you and always will, and not gonna lie I kinda want you back, but then he'd continue on about how I'd move on soon. We had been fighting recently because he got worried about me being in college so he'd get super jealous of other guys (even though there were none, but whatever). So we are next door neighbors and about a few days after the break up I caught him coming home so I talked to him and he started lying and trying to make me jealous with other girl talk again and at the end, I hugged him and kissed him and it seemed like he was into it too. He didn't push me away, he held me tight and kissed me and I heard him breathing heavily. So I walked away without saying anything on purpose and didn't text him at all on purpose for the night and half of the next day so I could let it sink in. A couple days later I emailed him just now a picture of his house because for some reason he finds it really cute when I spy on his house, and in the past I always used to say "I know you still love me" to get him back, so I included that in the email and he replied saying, "I know you still love me". I wanted to kiss him again that night, but I also wanted him to know that I can go a couple days without texting him and tried not being clingy. We had our who lives planned out together. He was never playing me before and he obviously does still love me. I don't know what to do. We were supposed to live together next year. Our relationship this time lasted almost 1 1/2 years. So I finally ended up getting the main reasons for the break up out of him 1) He thinks I'm too pretty to the point where he had to worry about me all the time because he thought everywhere we went, all these guys would just stare at me all the time and want to get with me 2) He thought I was going to cheat on him (even though I gave him no reason to think that but he has trust issues) 3) He thought that I was going to eventually break his heart so he wanted to get it over with before I broke his heart 4) He worried himself sick all the time over the above reasons and was tired of worrying constantly. He has major trust issues, obviously, even though I gave him not one single reason ever to not trust me. I barely even talked to other guys for school projects. It's just so funny cus he recently admitted to lying to me all the time when we were together which should basically mean I shouldn't trust him, but I still do. He has admitted many times before that he does trust me some-what (which is a huge deal for him) but he doesn't really trust me trust me... But he still says that I'm the only girl he would ever marry, and I do believe that. Which makes no sense because I've never lied to him, I always keep my word, we wanted to get married, etc. And when we broke up, I told him that we are going to keep this promise then while we are broken up.. We are going to stay faithful to each other and be friends with benefits (except with actual feelings) and we are going to go on sort-of dates and I'm not going to get another boyfriend or go on dates or anything, and he said he won't either and if for some reason it ever happens, we will tell each other everything. And we still think we are goign to get back together someday (but he thinks it wont be for like 10 years...) and still get married and everything. We are still in love and are not over each other by any means and are still semi-dating in a way because we are hanging out all the time and kissing and doing it and staying committed, basically, even though he does talk to/hang out with other girls, I dont want to give him any reason to not trust me, so I dont talk to other guys at all (even though he thinks im lying - the other night he got pissed because he thought i was talking to my FB followers that arent even on my friends list...). So yeah, he doesn't trust anyone, honestly, he barely even trusts his own mom. How do I get him to learn to trust me enough to the point where we can be together again? Oh, and he even tells me not to trust him sometimes. Like I'll tell him I trust him and he will be like, "You shouldn't trust anyone because then you'll just end up getting fucked over in the end" and he tries to force me not to trust him, but I still do cus I know he's not actually going to do anything bad. And a couple weeks ago we went snowboarding together and went to his old hot tub after and we really connected and it was wonderful. But the day after, he accused me of keying his car, but I didn't do it and I got the parents involved and everything and we finally got him to trust me that I didn't do it. Then last week we went to the gym and kinda reconnected then to. And recently I got kinda pissed because Thursday, he left to go on a spring break trip with his 2 guys friends and 2 girl friends (which he doesn't even know - he met one of them after we broke up at sports chalet then the other was just her friend so he didn't even know her at all). Anyways before he left, he kissed me and said I love you and that he would miss me. Well, he told me that the plan was that him and Nikki (the girl that DOESNT like him) would be sleeping in the same bed and his friend and Alexis (the girl that DOES like him) would be sleeping in the other bed (The 2nd guy stayed at his ex-girlfriend's dorm room). Well, I guess Alexis likes my man so much that she made Nikki switch beds with her and Alexis slept in the same bed as Anthony my guy. He told me how she was all over him the entire time and how one morning he woke up with her arms around him which really pisses me off. He says that they were talking a lot and getting to know each other and I got really pissed off at him because he says he does not like her and that he is in love with me, but he wouldn't switch beds I'm like wtf if you loved me, you would switch damn beds... And I was like, Anthony, if I did that with some guy, especially one I barely know, you would call me a slut and hate me and not trust me and not want to be with me ever again, and he goes, "Oh it's different because Alexis isn't all about guys like you are". WTF!!!!! OBVIOSULY SHE IS ABOUT GUYS CUS SHE IS HITTING ON MY GUY AND ALL OVER HIM KNOWING THAT HE IS IN LOVE WITH ME AND THAT HE DOESNT LIKE HER GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, he said to trust him and that nothing other then the bitch cuddling him and hitting on him happened and I do trust him but I am still not comfortable with it. And he wants to see me tomorrow so we will see how that goes, but I just don't know anymore. I believe in us but some of the things he says pisses me off. Like earlier today he was talking about moving to California with his friend and getting a "bachelor pad" but then he said I could live with him and stuff and he says hes in love with me all the time and he can see our future together working out still and that he still wants kids and marriage with me... it just makes no sense he confuses the shit out of me all the time then he says "im not leading you on" but then he says hes in love with me and wants to be with me in the future... like wtf... Idk what to do anymore. At all. Okay so sense then I also know that nothing happened with Alexis but she did ask him out on a date and he said no so she got pissed off and stopped talking to him. And then he's been really sweet lately and sometimes he keeps saying how I don't love him and I actually hate him (I actually just now got off the phone with him a couple weeks ago and he was all like yeah I'll always love you no matter what and it would bother me if some guy kissed you or dated you and it would suck because I want you back and I couldn't have you... You don't actually love me you really hate me.... You're just lying I bet you actually have already had sex with someone else you're just lying when you say you wouldn't do that, etc.). And then when he got back from his trip I kissed him after he was being mean to me and he said the whole thing about being mean sometimes cus he cant get me out of his head and how it doesn't feel like we are just friends at all, when I was on my trip he was nice mostly the entire time and then he said that thing about what his friend said with his ex sleeping with other dudes, but when I got back he kissed me and we did it and everything has been going really really well since then and he says he loves me all the time but whenever I say just be with me he says I cant youre too pretty then he talks about marrying me all the time and only me and our kid, and how he cant get over me or anything like no matter what he does he cant get over me and im his baby and everything. Then I told him I bet you cant make it even close to 10 years without me, I bet you cant even make it 10 months, ill give it a year max and he says yeah youre probably right. So then like last Saturday or Sunday I think it was, we were going to hang out and we didnt know what we were going to do yet so we were driving around and he started acting like a real jerk. Then he randomly gets mad at me and starts asking me to go to the club so he can dance with girls and I can dance with guys (he hates the club). So I got pissed and told him no. So I pulled into a parking lot and he started getting pissed and telling me how he broke the promise and had sex with 2 girls 2 days after me and him broke up. I got really upset and ran out of the car crying and left him the keys. He stayed there and texted me saying, "I lied I didn't mean it". So I went back to the car and he walked off without the keys so I drove and picked him up and he got back in the car and started calling me insane and everything. Then I took him back to his house and he said he made up and planned that entire thing out (including the club) just to see what I would say and do. Then he calmed down and we had a heart to heart and he said sometimes he just gets so upset because he can't get me off his mind so he takes it out on me and he's really worried because now that I'm single, I have the option to get with other guys. And he said he does want me back and everything but just can't do it right now cus I'm way too pretty so he worried way too much about me. And we made up and everything and were good for the week. And he kept talking about our wedding and baby and everything the entire week. And he texted me and He said he loves me and is going to marry me someday and have the family and everything we planned. Until a few days when he started acting really weird again. So he was texting weird all day then he finally texted me saying "Im not going to string you along". Then I asked him about it and he says, "If I have to piss you off to make you happy I will". So then we were texting normal the rest of the night saying I love you and everything, but then he asked me to call him before bed like we always do everynight so I did. And he was being kinda mean saying like how he's never going to get back with me ever again, how he's over me, how he keeps forcing himself to get over me cus all he ever thinks about is me having sex with other dudes, etc. Then he said how he could be with me literally forever if he didn't think about guys whenever he saw me. Then he said he loves me and we went to bed. And today he was being mostly normal but kinda weird. And I went over to his house after school and we did it, but then after that he started being mean again, saying how he would probably not be with me again, how there's no feelings at all when we do it, how annoying I am, how he would be fine if we never talked ever again, how I need to find another guy, how he thinks I've already had sex with someone else etc. but then he said how I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had and how the reason he broke up with me is because being single is better cus he doesn't have to worry about me. And now here we are again he's back to calling me baby, gorgeous, saying he misses and loves me, etc. I dunno, it's just confusing when one night he's telling me he's gonna marry me, then the next night hes telling me he doubts he will ever get back with me. And I know he's a jerk because he likes to lie to me. Like whenever I get him to be real, he says he acts like a jerk sometimes on purpose to either see what I would do, or push me away so I can "be happy". and He says he loves me and can't get me out of his head ever so he gets pissed and lies. And then a couple weekends ago we had a great day hiking and going out to at adnd he said that it still feels like we are together and that he loves me and believes in our love and believes we will get back together. And then we ended up having sex and right after we did it, he goes we have to stop having sex and im going to stop telling you youre my wife because I don't want to lead you on because just in case it doesn't happen I don't want you to be pissed off at me. But then after that he was fine again and starts saying how he believes in us and what not. And he says all the time how he's going to marry mme and talks about our kid and everything but occasionally he says no youre some other guys wife and youll get a boyfgriend with someone else and how he thinks I don't actually want him back and how we will see if Istill want thim back 10 years from now. But then he says he loves me and wants me back and he wishes he could be with me but he just cant right now. So I really don't understand at all what is going on in his mind. then a couple days later he kept saying how much he loves me but when I saw him in person he kept saying how hes going to help me move on and that I don't actually love him and im going to find someone else and he doesn't love me and isn't going to marry me and hes not going to string me along and he said Why would I be with you I cant trust you. Then he told me to stop telling him I love him since I don.t And he said hes glad hes not with me anymore because he doesn't have to worry about me now. But then he texted me later on saying he said that cus he was pissed off cus of his homework and he didn't mean it andthat he does love me and wants me back but he just "cant have me because he knows im better off with someone else and wants to see me happy and the thing is he will never believe I want him because he wishes he could have me but he thinks im better off without him and happy iwhtout him" and then he said I will prbbaly get him back. And the next day I saw him not too long ago and he was actually being real mean earlier over text but I saw him in person cus he needed help with his quiz so I figured I would go and see if I could handle being strictly his friend... he was really mean so I guess I cant even be his friend now. I wanted to give it one last shot to see if anything was left at all but I was wrong. he was mean the entire time telling me how he's over me and how im a whore and shit. but then sometimes he was nice and kissed me and said he loves me. then we did it and he got pissed off cus he couldn't make me have an orgasm I guess. then he said he hates me and is going to stop talking to me. then he said he loves me... then he said he hates me again and doesn't want to make it work with me and we will never go back out ever again and he doesn't love me enough to make it work. and now hes texting me blaiming it on his stupid exams again.. and he said he said the thing ab for the future was to make me move on. Then he said "I love you and that's why Im not with you. If I didn't love you, id be with you". Like honestly wtf does that even mean. What pisses me off more is that he was just randomly mean out of no where. Like I was taking time out of my own homework to help his sorry ass and he treats me like that. Then we didn't see each other in person for two weeks but still texted the entire time and he was sweet on occasion but otherwise pretty mean.. Until one day when I went out with a guy and didn't tell him so I ended up accidentally not texting him for like 5 or so hours and he called me later that night upset I didn't text him and he apologized for being mean and not seeing me and said he still has feelings for me and that the reason why he is mean sometimes is on purpose in order to push me away because he doesn't think im good enough and thinks that I will ebe able to find someone better out there for me but he will still end up getting back together with me and marrying me in ten years probably less if I really want but he still doesn't think hes good enough or anyone is good enough for me. and he said hes so worried that im going to break the promise. and he also told me he had an opportunity to break the promise and have sex with some girl and he told her no he couldn't do it because hes still in love and keeping a promise to me. and he said he wants to be with me but hes trying to stay strong and not be weak because he wants to give me the cahcne to find someone better. and he said if I did find someone else that he would be jealous of them because they get to be with me but all he really wants is for me to be happy. and yeah hes been super sweet since then. And then a few days later he was telling me he loves me and will end up marrying me but can't be with me right now. Which makes me untrustworthy. Then he had this dream where i was trying to hurt him and He woke up screaming my name. And basically ever since then, he's been super sweet and open about his feelings. So I know it may seem like he's using me or something, that's what everyone says.. but he's not. I even talked to him about it and he's not. He just acts mean sometimes on purpose to try to push me away because he thinks he is not good enough/his trust issues. He is not about sex at all and can go without it and sometimes doesn't even want it. He could get it from literally any girl he wanted, but he doesn't because he loves me and wants to keep our promise. And then yesterday I saw him in person and he was sweet but he got kinda angry at me because I was wearing the charm bracelet he got me for my graduation... he wouldn't tell me why he was mad at that though.. I think it's cus it made him sad. And the past few days he keeps saying how he regrets breaking up with me and that's the worst mistake of his life but he thinks he needs to let me "be free" for now. And he was saying how he was talking to his friend Ashley who he doesn't really talk to anymore but whatever, and yes she is strictly a friend lol, and they were talking about love I guess and he told her im the only one he has ever loved and she told him if he loves me he should have no let me go and he tells her he had to because he wants me to find someone better... so I need to know how to make him realize he is the best and the only one for me. Don't tell me to move on cus I've been trying and nothing works. I need him back. I just need a way to prove he's good enough. And it's kinda funny too cus even though he says he wants me to find someone better, he, at the same time, says he is afraid I'm going to find someone great and stop loving him and eventually break our promise.... and today I saw him and he was a jerk again a little bit and said he does not need me at all and he kept saying he broke up with me over the naked lady snowboard making me cry and he called me a bitch and keeps saying he does not trust me at all and never will and that I shouldnt trust anyone either. so basically I just need to know how to make him realize he is the best one for me and make him "be weak" and give it up already and just be with me cus I really don't wanna wait. plus hes worried im gonna get a boyfriend and never talk to him again anyways and I don't want himto worry like that. but at the same time I know his trust issues make him worry about me anyways...so yeah I need help lol. bad.

Okay, here's what I think...I don't think he's using you for sex or anything. I believe he wants you, but isn't ready for it yet. He isn't ready to say bye either, that's why he's promised you to not see other people and expects the same. I think he does love you but he has problems of his own he needs to fix. A relationship cannot work without trust. He needs to truly believe you love him to be happy, to trust you. He needs to work on his own trust issues before making things work with you. Also, it was COMPLETELY NOT OKAY for him to sleep next to another girl. It wasn't okay to sleep with a girl, whether she liked him or not! How the hell is he going to be so strict on you, not okay with you talking to guys...but he's sleeping next to one? He could have slept next to his guy friend, and the other two girls on a bed. It wasn't okay to sleep next to a girl, especially one who had feelings for him. But, that's the past. It just needs to not happen again. ANOTHER thing that is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY...is how he lies to you to hurt you and test you. That's extremely, childish. If he really loved you, why would he hurt you? There's no excuse. It isn't okay how he's mean to you either. I don't care if he's stressed because of homework or upset about you or WHAT it is. If you really love someone, you respect them and watch what you say. You need to make it clear that it is NOT okay for him to call you things like a "bitch," "slut," "whore," or anything along those lines. That's something you MUST do. DO NOT allow him to cross the line. You need to set limits. Whenever he is mean to you or hurts you, tell him..THIS IS NOT OKAY. Tell him "You're being mean and disrespectful. I don't like this and I'm not dealing with it. I'll talk to you later, after you cool off." And, then HE has to come to you and sincerely apologize. And, you CANNOT always accept his apology. He cannot repeat the same mistakes and then just apologize and think it's okay. He needs to make up for it...how? It's up to him to decide how...it's the thought that counts so it has to come from him. It can be a sweet letter saying why it's wrong..or just homemade cupcakes..anything. More importantly, he needs to STOP talking to you like that, he needs to STOP being mean and STOP hurting you. Lying on purpose is NOT okay. DO NOT deal with it. Also, you want to make him weak? The answer is simple. I completely agree with your guy friend...let Anthony text you first and ask to hang out, etc. Let him come to you. I'm going through a similar situation...not as serious..but yeah. And, when you go to Anthony..he's going to crave it and like it. He will let you keep coming to him. Don't let that happen. Let him come to you. Also, this may be hard..but if you don't want to move on and let him go..or if you can't...then stop being friends with benefits. He really can't string you along. Just be best friends, don't do anything physical. He's okay with being friends with benefits because he still gets your love (emotionally, verbally and physically). He needs to truly feel how it is to lose you. Also, it's okay to make him a bit jealous..start hanging out with a guy friend. However, be careful because he has trust issues...I don't know how serious it is..but you do. You can decide if you want to make him jealous or not, but I do recommend it...at least make him a little jealous. It will help. But, more importantly, stop being sweet and kissing him and having sex. Stop giving him that, he will be weak without and will miss it. He doesn't deserve it if he isn't man enough to be with you, officially. Tell him you no longer want to continue, until he's ready for a relationship because that's when he will deserve it. Please stop doing things with him. It will make him weak, trust me. Otherwise, he'll think I'm not with her but what have I lost?? He still has your commitment, loyalty, sweet words, physical intimacy and your love. You guys seem to be together without the label, to me. Also, it shouldn't be hard for any of you to not see other people and to not have sex with others. If you really love each other, it should be easy. It's as simple as that. Lastly, consider moving on. I know you said you tried..but just consider it. It seems to me he won't be ready to be with you for a long time. It won't be worth the pain he causes you. And, if you want to remain friends..he needs to stop hurting you. He needs to know it is NOT okay for him to hurt you. He CANNOT insult you and hurt you..I don't care if he's stressed or what. It is NOT okay. Make sure you understand that. Also, if you need any more advice...email me at [e-mail address removed]. (I'm a girl, but that's an email I made a while ago.)