When a romantic rival infiltrates your friends group

I have a group of online artist friends connected on several social networks scattered throughout the world. I developed ties with a certain group in particular is a several adolescent humoured guys/gals into comics. One of their friends lives a day away and sells comic/art books. I met him at a festival in real live and we connected romantically (not physically). I managed to travel back to his city from time to time. Unfortunately he seemed always to have a girlfriend at the time. After raunchy flirts online, in person he's distant but suggestive. At times this has really hurt me..who wants a mixed message of hope to have it crushed in person? It seems there was also a girl, puts on "the vamp/cool & unusual" persona (she's the type constantly shooting sexy selfies) who is obsessed with the comic seller. He broke up with one girl, she flys to his city a week later (he ignores her). She even flew to Paris/Berlin with selfies and all proclaiming her devotion. A competitor, so I began lurking on her twitter and soon she was doing the same, yet stalking me on every single network I had. After three visits and a constant girlfriends, frankly I'm very skeptical of the comics seller ready to back off. Yet this girl, doesnt know that. It doesnt help that the seller, STILL flirts with me online. The girl who initially proclaimed a very negative jealousy, toned it down and has began flirting with my male friends online. To my horror, a charismatic (but kinda bratty) male friend with whom I was particularly close, aware she's a rival, got hyper sexual back and group berates "me" for not being open. But she's a rival, one who's expressed extreme anger at me in the past, I sense her sugary friendly tactics as more about "relational aggression" and gaining a peer status over me. It was her stalking me that lead her to them. Relational aggression talks about how the charming popular ones get a group to ostracize another. Anyways, with this girl, she's the bad "bratty" girl too, get it, and she's essentially infiltrating my friends and I'm getting dismissed or accused of "not being open" if I express discomfort. I cant see anything wrong about being a uncomfortable about a rival. And in a real sense there is no real open discussion, just group dynamics and assumptions. So I'm miserable because this group used to mean so so much to me. I dont want to burn bridges but I'm backing off from them.. earlier when I got stressed I would add/delete/add but they would accuse me of manipulation control-honestly it was not premeditated but I cant 'see' stressful things---recently I heard of the MUTE button to not see their posts. This way I can control myself and what I see, but not being accused of trying to control them. Essentially I acknowledge I CANT dictate them, so I am protecting myself from getting psyched. This isnt the first time a girl has followed me only to want to infiltrate my group (I repeat does not befriend me, only the others I hang with). How does one do to protect themselves against "relational aggressive" people? What about these friends (& prospective love interest)? It seems like they're more of a head trip yet I'm mourning letting what was once almost an emotional/artisitc lifeline online. Good news is, I do see others I admire online to grow into.

I have to say that this all seems like far too much drama for you to be so concerned about, especially with it being online. It sounds a bit like childish school dramatics to me. I think you're right for backing off and pursuing a different group. If someone is able to infiltrate your friends and turn them against you, they aren't really your friends. As for the love interest, if you still feel like you'd want to take a chance, I think you should be straight forward with him and tell him he's sending mixed signals and you just want to know what he wants. Perhaps he doesn't even realize it. Raunchy flirts online but distant in person would suggest to me that he might possibly be looking for you to make a move to give the go ahead. Good luck.

Yeah. The "vamp" (after my romance interest) and yet ANOTHER woman (an artist whom I met in person) are now posting seductive tweets to my (formerly favored) comics friend online and he's STILL blaming me??? It's because of his troubled mother relationship--kept saying I'm like mom, which seemed good---unless he get's angry, then I'm controlling. Tantrum. Guess I can see unhealthy script re-occurring right there. It's online, yes---but it's also my feed, which gets negative. This is getting awkward. Dont like these girls, they actively dislike me. They may indeed like my friend but ulterior motives, in addition, seem at play. If he wants to play he can, but I AM not a part of it. Out of the circle. "Mute" Because it's a web of online friend connections, I dont want to burn bridges, so MUTE it's the only way to grow away from it without insulting anyone. What's really more disturbing to me is these women followed my breadcrumbs to a friend...and behave like vampires. And yes, I wonder about these antics/friends (though, realistically, it's just a 2-3 who are the drama). As for the other guy, sigh, we'll see.

Clearly totally staying offline in this day and age is not realistic and it's not like these dynamics don't exist in "real life", however, I get what your saying. I at least need to diversify where I spend my time as to not get drawn into dramatics. And thanks for validating that I'm spending to much time into reacting to provocative messaging. This motivates me. I'm attending an artist drink-n-draw as we speak :)