I think I'm being taken advantage of. What should I do?

My boyfriend is 32. I am 27. We have been together for 9 months. He owns his own business and I'm in healthcare. He has not taken me out before, which I've accepted because he is working hard for a business. I spoke with him recently about chipping in when we go out and buy groceries, or at least being grateful. Prior to that, I spent $52 at Kroger and did not receive a "thank you" or any contribution. This is usually the case. After speaking with him, I bought our $38 groceries. He added his items to the basket, and at checkout said, "I have $9 cash, what do I owe you later?" I kept the receipt, he didn't say "thank you," and I have not heard about him wanting to pay me back. The next trip cost $18. No "thank you" and no contribution. When we realized we were missing an ingredient, I got up to get it while he stayed home and drank wine (he paid for his, and I for mine.) he didn't thank me when I got home, but did say "thank you" for making donuts, what he wanted to eat. I have lived off of less than $30 this week. I haven't been able to leave the house for several days because I am out of gas. I told him this today, and he said "aw, baby. I'll come cook with you tonight if you'd like." I have food, though, which I have purchased. I am more frightened about my account balance. He smokes (fairly expensive) cigarettes every day, which he can always afford. He told me when we first started dating that he wanted to quit, and I've expressed how important it is to me. He promised me last October that he would quit soon. It is June and he is still smoking and still affording it. It's nice to write this out. Am I a fool?

Have you ever actually expressed this issue to him? Have you ever asked him to pay? Or make a contribution? Or is it just your feeling of obligation? You shouldn't be paying for EVERYTHING, but you also shouldn't be nudging along doing it without contesting the notion of you doing it. You should communicate, "I'm running out of money, as I seem to be paying for everything". When you communicate this, something should be done or he should explain why he can or cannot pay for things too. Some negotiation should be met, the paying should be split so that you support each other. There may be some legitimate reason, businesses are REALLY expensive to maintain. Workers aren't cheap, and if you're not making enough income it can plummet very quickly. So that could be the case, you'll need to communicate to find that out. As for his mannerisms of not saying thank you. Some people don't see a need to when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure it's courteous, but it's also formal. And usually when you first meet someone you are very formal, but you know each other on an intimate level, one would hope, therefore some people don't see the need. It can get repetitive after a while, granted after a big thing someone went out of their way to do for you should be thanked very promptly. However since you paying for stuff seems the norm, he sees no need and therefore no problem also. Yet it is a problem to you. As for his smoking habits, those are much easier said than done to get over. Some people are just so addicted they can't functionally stop, they try but it's soo hard they give up. My mother has been on cigarettes for many years for around 10 years at least. This is a concern for her and me, as she has many kids, she doesn't want to harm them so she tried very adamantly to stop. She couldn't nothing worked, no matter how hard she tried, so she gave up. Therefore it is hard to stop for some people. In conclusion, I think the communication of this problem is needed. You need to propose your concern and what you expect him to do about it, clearly. Something along the lines of, "I seem to be paying for everything and you're paying for little to nothing, I can't functionally keep doing this. Can you contribute and help please? I don't expect you to pay for everything, but chip in as equally as I". That demonstrates a clear problem and solution that could be met. As for smoking, that's hard to stop for some, you could express it to him to give him a motivational push, but don't expect it to get solved easily. You could also bring up mannerisms if it's that important to you that he doesn't say thank you. I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day :)