Mad and desperate at the same time

am really mad and desperate at the same time in this time of my life! i try my best to be positive but everything is going wrong! please help me! first my parents argue and quarell all the time ! and my father is the problem , he's always angry and screaming all the time to my mother and i try to not let him do that and today i screamed at him i call him asshole because when i think about the time when i was young he was beating my mother in front of me and today i was madly mad so i screamed at him alot and i hate him so much that i want him out of our lifes ! he dosen't deserve us at all ! anyways i think i will have a heart attack about that and am only 22 years old girl! i want a caring father who will love us! anyways that was the first emotional problem of today! the other problem of my life is someone i love and he dosen't love me back , it have been 4 years now and i love him so much even if he's not good to me ( nothing violent or something) but even if he dosen't loves me , he always call me when he feels lonely so he uses me even if he knows that i love him ! but what can i do ?? hein?? i tried to ignore him and orget him and when i was about to forget him he came back to my life and everything and evry effort i made was in vain! am deseperate really! am very sad and angry ! very angry ! i feel that my had will explose! am not happy at all ! am just happy to have beloving mother and siblings ! god bless them!

I understand that you are upset with your father but it is really your moms job to work on her relationship with him. You are 22 years old. You will move out and on with your life and your mother will have to decide for herself if she wants to stay or to go. It interesting in a way that you are in love with a man who doesn't return you affection but uses you when he needs company and your mother is in a relationship that is poor as well. You may want to take step back and see that you may need to make a hard decision (same as your mom may want to make) and get away from the men in your life who treat you badly. It will be hard but do you want this to be the norm for the rest of your life? being surrounded by men who treat you badly? Make a firm stand with the man and tell him you can not continue a relationship with him if he is not willing to make it romantic, maybe in the future when your heart is not so attached to him you can carry on a friend ship but at this point that is not possible. If he refuses to understand and to respect your wishes then he is crap anyway and you can get a restrain order because at that point he's a creep who just cant back off.

thank you very much for your reponds :* it makes me feel good somehow to talk about that with strangers really! :)))