Keeping things from me

I had been arguing with my husband about things. we were talking about his parents when he told me his mother had a man in the house when he was young after she found out her husband had another woman. He as never told me this in all the 22 years we have been together. He said he had told me but I know he hadnt as I would of remembered something like that. I knew his dad had cheated but not once as he ever told me about his mother and I can only think its because I have always accussed him of cheating and he didnt want to be associated with his dad of cheating on his mother He checks his two phones in the kitchen then pretends he was looking at the shopping receipt but he as always left the shopping receipt in the bag but it was left out for once but i know he's lying. He as never bothered to check it and I feel a fool for taking it and getting walked on ..n

Hi you are convinced that your husband is hurting you or will hurt you. You feel out of control in this relationship, and not secure the only way you feel secure is if you have proof of his 'cheating' you are convinced that he is messing you around . Did he ever cheat on you before? Where is it coming from? Do you know any other way to exist? I get the impression that you do not know what it feels like to be safe and happy. Your standard for your husband is off the scale.maybe he is shifty in his behavior because he cannot do anything right. Sit down and write on a piece of paper in those situations what are you looking for? What do you need? Is it reassurance from him? I can see where he may be adding to your fears by his reaction and little lies,when you feel low, ignored, undervalued, you look out to the world and what comes back is a reflection of what you give out sometimes. You need to be careful with your mind here, you answers, solutions, to make a change. This will make you ill, and isolate you further into depression if you do not seek somebody outside the marriage. Face to face to let it all out how you feel,just focus on yourself. Its so hard to let go of something that is eating at you, and just because you mind yourself for a little while,timeout for you does not mean that they are in the right. And just because you talk to someone about your feelings and experience does not make you in the wrong or to blame. Its about you stopping banging your head against a brick wall. Something damaged trust between both of you in the past. This will reach its conclusion , when you change direction in how you approach it. You need some answers, after 22 years you should be open to counseling if he did cheat it will come out.

I really don't understand the issue here. You say he lied that he didn't tell you and you got majorly offended he didn't. Why? There is no requirement to tell you the ins and outs of his family history. This new fact of his mother had another man in the house effects nothing. It's completely irrelevant. It's in the past and probably aint an issue anymore, plus those people have no effect on your relationship. He has literally no reason to conceal this information from you. Now you know, what bad comes of it? You could now associate him more with being a potential cheating cause it ran in his family? That's not a very strong basis for that in anyway. Also you indicate what he did as nervous behavior as if he was lying. Why would he be lying to the point of being nervous about something like that? It makes no sense. You say you would have remembered something like this, but you don't know that. It's entirely possible you forgot, or it's entirely possible he thought he told you when he didn't. Either way this situation sounds rather silly. And this lie has no reason to exist. Therefore if it is a lie it's probably something as simple as you forgot, or he forgot and thought he told you. There is no evil, bad or conscious lying intent here.