Why I stopped sex with my husband for 31 years

I was married in 1985 to a silent service sailor, the first 3 and1/2 years of our marriage he had to give to his other wife a big black smelly tube that was nuclear powered and was always under water. When he discharged he was coming back to take his civilian job he took a military leave from. It was one of the big three automotive company's and he was UAW, but things here did not mean it worked the same as Detroit. around here things worked on who your family is, are you connected to a political entity, somebody in society , If you pad connections to management, or high union officials by blood. My husbands only connection was his military service. When he red in in 76 he had just go out of the Army, He had gone in in 72 under split enlistment as a Junior in high school. That summer before his senior year he went to basic and AIT as a commo tech, came back for his senior year, was assigned to the brigade headquarters in the local guard unit most weekend until he went back to the regular army. He also was on the football team. My father in law said this was the first sign of trouble to come, My husband was in great shape, fast, The arm made h a sort of monster, 50inch shoulders 34 waist 200 lbs and 6'4" tall. He knew he out did everyone for the positions he wanted. The day before the first game my husband was called into the coaches office and told he was on second string to suit up that way for the scrimmage, the coach had to find positions for the sons of four school board members. My husband destroyed them in that practice putting them on the sideline for the rest of the year, and took the first string positions for himself and three other better players, His father was a parent assistant and came out of the stands screaming that was the worst display bad sportsmanship he ever witnessed, Aparently my husband cared less the team finished the first winning season in years. He is credited as being the only person to stop the all state fullback five times in a row behind the line of scrimage in a run. but his father and others did not feel right about the way he took the position. He left for three years and was put first in line to be hired because of his military service. He stayed guard and I guess date few times one serious. but his father said hat the way he came back and was hired was also not right. My husband with his Military experience by now was Intelligence, He received reports on things like the oil embargo, the probabilty for economic impacts, one day his guard CO came in with a navy recruiter. From reading reports and seeing the impact asesments he joined the navy and left he wanted in on the digital technology, he went before he was notified of layoff so he was on Military Leave, This is when I met him, he was a month into his SWS A school, I was on base with anew friend of my mothers, He was married and went to church with my mother and suggested since I was also new to the Norfolk area. he had several friends to introduce me to. The first time I saw my husband he was in salt and pepper uniform standing shore patrol. He was escorting prisoners awaiting mast to the mess deck, That was the first time I saw my husbands reaction time to, On of the prisoners took off running and my husband yelled halt then the p38 club he had went spinning through the air getting into the mans legs taking him down. My husband walked up picked him up and told him try that again you will be leg cuffed. he was one that I was introduced to. A year and three months latter we were married after his graduation from C school, Then he was gone for the next three and a half years, In that time I had manifested as bi polar, He was never informed until a week after his discharge and the way he found out was a process server, put guardianship papers in his hand. Because I was bi polar the navy made me live with relatives first my mother then the last six months with his father and mother because he refused to reenlist, this made his father and many others very angry, I saw a constant stream of people come over telling his father the impact on them, their sons and daughters, the job itself when my husband came back. Under the contract his seniority continued to accrue. He was coming back with more seniority than 60% of the workforce, Meaning he could bump shifts. take jobs. vacation slots, Refuse or take overtime , weekend work and holidays. His father said he should have come back at square one if it wasn't for the contract and his friends agreed he would be, My father in law came to me three days before my husband came home, He said you know my son is going to try and use his seniority within a few weeks of his return, I said yes, You have heard how many people will be affected by his return, I said yes, He said its not right. I asked what do you want me to do about it, We have only actually been married a day. He told me I was to control my husband. He said it was only going to be a year or two just to let thing get calm. I was told if I did not control him that him and his friends could arrange a very long stay in an institution that could, the only control I could figure out was I would promise marital relations if he could just cooperate with everybody for a while, I had to apply this promise within two days of his return. Two years became sixteen when he developed a brain tumor. Until the day he collapsed he had not had a day off, a holiday off, Some of the arguments with coworkers, his father and others were epic, requiring police intervention and since it was numbers against my husband he was always asked to please back down before someone was hurt. Then the brain surgery. he was back at work six days latter Against Medical advice but his father was yelling that it was messing up every ones vacation schedual because it was summer. and his foreman had to shut down assembly because his replacement could not keep the machines running. My husband found a way off seconds a month later, Just after 9/11 the company had built a new plant and put up job bids, My husband put his name up for a material process control job with his 23 years, A son of a county commissioner did to. He had 8 years seniority. The local gave the job to the commissioners son because of his connections, this did not impress my husband, My husband took his case to the National union and they overrode the local, his father tried to scream my husband into just backing down, I offered myself just to get him to back down, I promised if he did he would never forget the night, He said that wolf cry did not mean a thing and I could go to hell, that hurt, when everything else failed it was decided that four men would teach my husband his place, I had never witnessed the savagery I saw that night, The four men were yelling at my husband, then they jumped him. All the neighbors were looking at the commotion caused at 4:00AM As my husbands elbow shattered the commisioners sons eye sockets, the man that tried to hold my husband for the rest went way in the air and when he hit he brock both legs and an arm. The one that was trying to plant a fist in my husbands face took a Sho Rey punch to the ris driving two broken ones into his lungs, then my husband too the other punch aimed at him sort of laid on his back and put his foot in the armpit and pulled all that man did was scream.as his arm was almost torn off, I was very frieghtened. A neighbor called the police and emergency services, The officers showing up interviewed everyone, They had to call it self defense, They did not like it because the son of a county official was involved but that was it. My husbands father saw the carnage after he heard on his scanner, He said crying why couldn't you back down, My husband said why, I have rights to, and you have forgotten them, The next Christmas holiday came up. My husband refused the holiday work, Was going to force a man with 17 years seniority to work, He came to ua and said he was getting his three kids for the holiday and couldn't work.. My husband said they were not his kids he can get a baby sitter if he has to. His father shoved a 12 gauge into his back and escorted him to work. The commisioneer told the police and sheriff to stay out of it if they wanted to keep their funding, my husband wen he retired after 31 yeas we could not believe the averages, He had six days off since 1985, His average workday was 12.34 hours. He had not had a holiday off since 1978. The next day he went to work for another company. For two years he sent me home again after I would not allow sex I was scared of him, again the state turned his petition down and I arrived back in august, At a new home in a new city, It was clean nothing out of place and one story 3 bedroom modular that my husband paid off. The first week home he fell out of the back end of an MD 10 turning his back black and blue, Thee months latter he was begging to die. His Spine was being eaten by MRSA, He woke up without feeling from the top of his legs down, His surgon said he was never getting out of a wheel chair, He spent most of three years in rehab. He has come to a point he can walk with the help of a heavy oak walking stick. The last year has turned into hell on earth. First my husband discovered me I an affair with an old flame, He was placed in a stress center after just about killing the other man, Two weeks later he came home a day before expected, I was asked by his father to do him a favor and go with a friend to a political dinner, My husband arrived and said no, I called his father who asked how he got home, We did not know his insurance had a clause to get him home. I was ready to go but my husband was adamant, I promised to meet anywhere he wanted after the event, He said You owe 31 years of married life and the note is due. I took off for the door and he grabbed my dress and said I paid for this it stays, And ripped it off. I could see in his face he was not going to back off me this time, He took what he calls a down payment. When he was done I could not believe a man that said he loved me could do this. I went and put on a robe, The man that was to take me was told I was not going, He tried to punch and push my husband out of the way, My husband threw him face first into the cement driveway right in front of his arriving mother and father, His father helped his friend to an urgent care. His mother came knowing things had gone very wrong. She asked what bought this on and heard almost the whole thing from the time he came home on. My mother in law when she heard her husband yelling at his son walk out and about took his fathers head off. Told him they were leaving. I saw the first time my father in law look old. My husbands father figured out ways to keep him in stress centers through holidays until this memorial day, He was also told that there was a pattern of crying wolf and would not admit my husband. It was my turn to hostess the get together, This was the first since 1978 my husband would be home, His father lite the fuse early when he walked in and told my husband he was to leave and offered 200.00 to do so, My mother in law stepped in and calmed things, told his father it was his house he was staying, his father said he has not been a part of this fo32 years we have traditions he wont understand or permit, the tradition he was talking about was the after dinner reservations, I was supposed to go with the man that was thrown off the porch, when his father handed the reservation ticket for two this friend he told my husband he was not invited, The guy grabbed my hand and went toward the door. My husband stopped use and told him he needed a ride to ER to get his arm removed from his rear if he did not scram. He took the reservation ticket away from a very scared man who ran like Satan was after him. The whole house knew my husband was in battle mode now. His mother said watch the pigs fly. His father walked up told my husband was he retarded didn't he know what you are not invited means, My husband said where my wife is I am. His father said this is the second time you were rude to my friend and I am tired of you lip and thinking you have rights, you have what you are told you have, and slapped my husband. He broke two fingers doing it was like slapping a granite block, I saw the look on my husbands face. he was not backing down. he said this is the last time you interfere in my life and my marriage, balled up his fist and came around with a full backhand, My husband went, everyone was in shock and did not want to stand in my husbands sights, I saw my father in laws face today. Its still black and blue. There has been one more attempt at controlling my husband. Two weeks ago, his father bought two armed friends because they knew that just holding him would not work, My husband stumped up to the one holding a .45 and told him he was a coward if he did not pull the trigger, I went because I did not want anyone hurt. My husband has security cameras that recorded the exchange, went and put it on thumb drive, then left to get the police involve, on his way he spotted his fathers car at a dinner, Our breakfast had arrived his sister mother and brother in law met us there and were told my husband was not home that was why he was not there, My father in law asked what we were going to do about my husband to control him, his sister said you spent decades controlling him now its time to stop, his mother agreed the two men cross the table said my husband was ill mannered and needed a lesson taught and his sister screamed As my husbands cane caught the two men square in the face, The first swing took them down but my husband added three more hits, There were four officers in the dinner and they got my husband cuffed real fast, His mother asked why as the two men bleed in their breakfast. The police asked the same thing, My father in law said the matter was closed earlier and my husband told the sargent that the why was a video file in his pocket My husband was sat down The ambulance arrived and took the two men, and the officers undid the cuffs releasing my husband. I don't think there is going to be another attempt. To many wont back another try, The officer asked why he just did not turn the thumb drive over, His mother answered for him. She said it was to show what being powerless feels like, it has sent a hard message, Don't mess with me, my life is the way I rule it, and don't tell me my rights are what you decide they are.

what a lovely story.