Broken promise

My husband PROMISED me his 35 year old son would never come live with us again! The stepson lies like you wouldn't belive,has stolen from us and others over the years plus has a drug problem, my family has been exposed to his drug behavior and ruined my daughters Graduation party, which everyone left very early, he has ruined our lives completely. My husband broke this huge promise by allowing his son into our home once again after beig released from prison, even after I insisted never again, he said he's staying with us END OF CONVERSATION! We live with locked bedroom doors, anything and evrything of value or importance is behind locked doors. My daughter and I are struggling, depressed, angry, anxiety attacks, it's horrible living like this. My husband is all about helping his son ( for the LAST TIME AGAIN). Anythig that goes wrong or when my husband is in a bad mood he takes it out on me and my daughter. We are both bipolar which is even harder on us and my daughter has a harder time with the bipolar than I do ( not good). My husband retired this year and we were suppose to gone on a little vacation the 2 of us but that has also come to a halt, in which I have to remind my husband this is his doing by allowing his son to live here. His son admited to my husbandthat when he's off parol/probation that he will smoke dope again, his son even makes one mistake here I will call the police and they both know it. So what use is it to help someone like him? Our daughter and I really hate being in the same house as the stepson. I have to stop for now my anxieties are running high and I'm shaking just talking about him. Any advise at all is welcome. Our daughter and I have no other place to live, can't afford it. I appreciate this site for just letting me vent' Thanks.

Hi There, Whilst I recognise that your husband loves his child regardless of age, he is now 35yrs old. In all of us we have 'Parent'/'Adult'/'Child' aspects of behaviour. By your husband reinforcing the parent aspect to both his son and yourself - he is forgetting you are both adults and viewing you both (his son and yourself) as a child. Ultimately this reinforces his son to continue to lack adult progression. You would benefit from asserting in a non-passive aggressive or aggressive way that you are all adults and are both parents to adults....and to not treat one another as so will be destructive emotionally. Be prepared to set clear boundaries you are able to stick to if necessary - such as your husband being responsible for challenging his son's behaviours in future. His son is in pre-contemplation (denial)with drugs and it seems pointless to force change the unwilling. Seek support for your daughter and yourself - take up inexpensive activities that will be enjoyable for you both. Join a bi-polar group for support. Keep the lines of communication open with your husband - he may be acting out of guilt and over-compensating for his son for a reason. How old is your daughter? could she seek/aim for her own accommodation that you could visit - a sanctuary so to speak?.