Boy friend or husband, where to go?

Sorry to post a very detailed story. But, please help me. I belonged to a very strict Brahmin family. I was studying in MCA, a guy approached me through Orkut and shown his love. I knew that I was not supposed to love anyone because my parents would not approve me to have love marriage. I politely described him that I wanted to study and wanted to be self-depended and if my parents came to know that I was in love with a guy they would get me married and my life would be spoiled. I refused him to get involved. But, he was not made to listen, “No”, he stalked behind me for three years without bothering me. After years, I completed my study and got a job in Delhi NCR. He also got job in my home town. After waiting for three years, he again contacted me to get married. I also had a soft corner for him that he waited for me so long without making any problem for me. I thought that we were now self-dependent, belonged from same cast “Sharma”, might be there would be a chance my parents would accept us. I was in the age of marriage and my parents were searching alliances for me, this time, I accepted his proposal. We met in 2011 for the first time in Delhi though we were living in the same city. I fell in love with him. He was also mad for me. Life was so lovely with him. I felt alive. I could breath. I was the happiest girl of the world. One day he told that we should tell our parents that we wanted to get married. I was so happy and was ready to convince my parents at any cost. But, …He opened up the biggest secret that he was not Brahmin and belonged from Bihar. It didn’t matter for me, cast and all. But I was so shocked that why he kept this entire secret. I was so worried that what would happen then. But, we were in so love. I decided to convince my parents. One day, I told my father about him. My father strictly refused. I was totally dead and helpless that my parents were not even tried to listen to me. His mother called to my father to convince. But my father use harsh words for his mother as well. Now, it was enough for me. I decided to support him. I fight against my family for him. But, things started changing between us. He started shouting on me, he doubted on me. To whom I was talking, he had problems with everything, my work, my colleagues, my friends, my dressings, my gymming, my family, my everything. I was not supposed to talk to anyone not even my female friends. I was not supposed to smile without him. I was not supposed to even breathe without him. I was tensed from my family side and his behavior was also killing me inside. Still I loved him and was ready to take stand for him. For two years, I tried to convince my parents, I waited for their approval, I refused all the proposal of marriage in which my parents were interested. Still, he was not happy whatever I was doing for us. Our relation was not happy. But, we knew that we love each other. So, we were helpless to take our legs back. We never imagined to get parted. I told him to have court marriage. He agreed but feared that my father (a very reputed lawyer) would get him indulged in my kidnap and rape case.(ridiculous). I convince him that we were adult and we could have marriage with whom, we wanted. I also made my mother ready for this marriage. Now, only my father was against. I begged in front of him to get married as my father would forcibly get me married with someone else. But, He didn’t take any stand. Continuously, he lied to me on silly issues. He lied that he was hospitalized and nobody was there to look after him. He is the saddest people of the world. Several times he played mind games with me. “You love me or not, Prove it.” I was wandering might be he was insecure. I tried to convince him several and millions of time that I love him completely. Still, his behavior was going bad to worse and then worst. Fights were the continuous events. Shouting on silly things were normal. Now, he was using his hands to hit me. He slapped me several times when we used to meet. One day he tried to scrag my neck. It was now unbearable for me. I decided to leave him. I went back home and accepted a proposal which my father decided for me. This guy was nice and gentle. But, I didn’t love him. This new guy is so much understanding and friendly. He also loved me. But, he is so practical, not an emotional person. I feared he will not love me as my boy friend used to do. It’s been 7 months and our marriage is in December. But, still I miss my boyfriend and didn’t accept this new guy as the love of my life. I am not being able to give my love to my would be husband as I did for my boyfriend. I also don’t want to hurt this new guy because he has no fault. In the other hand, the behavior of my boyfriend is back to normal. He stopped shouting on me. He started caring and loving me so madly. I know he loves me so much. Nobody could love me as he did. Please tell me what to do? Where should I go? I am so frustrated. Reply soon.

Your bf has shown you signs that he is not a good partner and will never be. He has hit you, that should be the biggest warning sign for you that should raise alarm bells. When he felt you were his, he controlled you. He did not allow you to speak to people, dress the way you wanted to and controlled you and again, he has shown you what kind of person he will be towards you once you both are married. I can understand you love him but dont become so blinded by his love where you fail to see the reality of an individual. I would forget him and concentrate on your new alliance BUT get to know him before you get married to him. Dont throw your life away. If you marry your bf you will.

Thanks K