So messed up

My life is officially a mess. I've been with my husband for almost 10 years now (6 of those married)and we have 2 kids. Our marriage is on the rocks, and my opinion, over. There are A LOT of issues there. I feel like I can't leave him for many reasons - financial and the kids being the big one. In a recent 'hypothetical' discussion, he told me that if I left him, he would refuse to pay child support and would even quit his job and live on the streets just to spite me. I don't have any family nearby or even in a position to help me. Believe it or not, that's not even my worst dilemma. As I've been looking back and trying to figure out what went wrong, (and I've found lots of small warning signs), I think that I'm in love with a guy who has been my friend for 15 years. These feelings seem to be completely separate from those I have/don't have for my husband - by that I mean I'm pretty sure its not just a case of transfering my emotions to this 'friend'. There was a time my friend and I were really close and other friends thought for sure we would date or end up together, but nothing ever came of it. I can honestly say I was in love with him for the first 4 years of our friendship. We drifted for a while, but our friendship has persisted, though it is nothing like it once was (we both have other obligations - its not like we are in our 20's anymore and can just pick up and hang out with each other) To make the matter even more sticky, he's gay and he has a wonderfully awesome boyfriend. Should I just throw in the towel on my love life and live like a nun? because at this point my love life is seriously f-ed up.

Your problem is very common all over the world. Many couples come to the crossroads where you are at and many couples choose to remain together for the sake of their kids. Children are a powerful motivator to remain in a loveless union. Your husband's spiteful musings tell us just how immature he is and just how insensitive he is despite your 10 years together. It's obvious he doesn't really care. You need to seek professional therapy, not only for your failed marriage but most importantly, for yourself. If you can sort your self out and reach an acceptable understanding of your situation, then your children will benefit. While you state your life is a mess, you need to remember that where there's a will, there's a way and most of us with the responsibility of children usually find a way to make the most of a bad situation..or we get right away from it if we can. Remember, you are free to make any decisions regarding your well being and your children's as well. Counseling may go a long way to help you make the right one or it may not, but you need to give it a go.

Do not chose a gay man. Your entire life can become meaningless. Go through straight spouse network to have a better insight into that kind of life. See a counselor and see if your marriage can be saved. Your husband, for whatever reason, is not willing to separate from you. All the things he is saying is only so that he can be with you. He must have lost his way in these years together. Still he wants to be with you. Professional help might guide him better. Try it before you give up completely on him.