My husband is acting like a bull in a china shop

Ever since last year when my husband first found me in an affair, actually 15 months ago, and after reading my journals, my husband has set out on a mission to make life so miserable for those that conspired to force him to work every day but six over a 31 year period, that several have E-mailed me to find out exactly where we live now, there are a few that want to come and tear his head off for the trouble he caused them, they all want to know if it was really that terrible that we forced him to work all the time, the ones I had flings with are asking why did he have to tell their wives and families, about things that happened in some instances 20 years past, its caused several divorces, many rules changes where he worked, there has even been a U.S. attorney looking into practices of civil rights abuse and conspiracy to abuse. All because one man became upset. I have sort of paid for my part, After my husband found out about my affair he decided that my refusal of sex was no longer going to happen, He said it was not my choice who and when I had sex, as long as he paid for my food, my medical, the roof over my head, the cloths on my back, and my transportation, he took what he considered part of his due when he came home from a stress center two weeks after the affair discovery, He even found out about how it was his fathers suggestion to deny sex so people could get him to do what was wanted, he has not escaped either, first his son backhanded him across our kitchen after my husband took a reservation made for another man and myself from the man and made him run for his life, his father had made the reservation, told my husband he was not invited, then slapped my husband for being rude to a friend of his. There has been one other time that my husband took two more of his friends out, every one found out if a gun is pulled on my husband even as a jest, he does not forgive, The shotgun his father used to force him into work was a collectors piece worth about six grand. My husband was asked by his mother to help with something while his father was out of town, my husband found that shot gun and told his mother what he was going to do with it, she thought it was a good lesson to teach it had belonged to my husbands grandfather, but my husband unloaded it and put the barrel over a hot fire and used a machinist mallet to hammer it flat. For good measure to make sure it was never used again, he poured hydrochloric acid into the receiver, That gun was considered a work of art from the late 1800s, I heard my father in law cried for a week after he found out what happened to it. He wanted it replaced but my mother in law would not allow it. Then he got two friend to hold weapons on my husband so I went without him for what his father called a private chat, I went because I did not want my husband to be shot, no one deserves that, on our way to breakfast they said it was just a joke and pulled the magazines out they were empty. It did not make a bit of difference to my husband when He walked into that dinner and swung the heavy end of his cane into their face, My husbands cane is a red oak 4 foot long toped with a pueter dragon cane, He lathed it out himself, It weighs 13 lbs, His father and the two men considered the matter closed when we left, a good joke, My husband did not give them a chance to explain before leaving them bleeding into their breakfast. I find that the 31 years of abuse in his eyes is unforgivable. I accompanied him into his new surroundings, I now will have my mother, sister, her husband and children and my husband for the holidays. I will no longer be giving dinner parties like I used to. My mother and sister made the move here earlier this spring, They love the solitude and Isolation. The main social event will be men and women in jeans and boots. and cowboy hats, Cooking outside and talking ranches, animals, horses. And in some cases military. My mother said now I am the one that's expected to change, There's no one left on the coast where I wanted to go that I know. My father in law said it was another knee jerk reaction his son made. he said its to deprive me of temptation and make sure the only outlet for my bi polar needs was him.

On so many levels this relationship is very unhealthy and I'm sorry for saying so after all that you seem to have endured but you do seem to thrive on lack of ownership and most importantly action. You are both clearly unhappy together and I don't believe husband is sole perpertrator - you are too. His father and friends have betrayed him, you have too and he is emotionally unstable,bitter and angry - however still you remain together involving other people and your children in this hell. Selfish,dramatists- you and your husband both, you both need counselling. And by the way - if you are denying sex and forced to have it that is rape. You state "I have sort of paid for my part" regarding this - Hello?. You then focus on he said/he did/they did/it cost....you are a mother...get out and be a role model for your children rather than involving them in an abusive relationship before someone gets killed...or at least keep other people out of the relationship.