Help!

My wife and I have been married for 43 years. About 12 years ago she was diagnosed with a fairly serious liver complaint. This causes her to have quite bad breath and also an unpleasant body odour. This has had a very negative impact on our relationship as I now find it very hard to be near her, because I am unable to cope with the smell(s). Unfortunately, it seems to have also affected her personality. She has had a number of episodes of hepatic encephalopathy which cause her to act as if she has dementia. She takes medication which seems to have reduced these episodes, however I suspect a small amount of toxins are still seeping into her brain and having a detrimental effect on her personality . . slow to comprehend, argumentative etc. I have read up on her complaint and changes in personality are a recognised symptom. Because of the unpleasant smells and general decline in our 'closeness', we have not been intimate for over a decade. I long to have a 'normal' relationship again, but sadly this now seems a forlorn hope. Our daughters have noticed the difference in her too and are very sympathetic to our plight, but unfortunately a solution seems unlikely. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Thank you.

Susiedq, thank you for your reply. Yes, we have spoken to my wife's specialist however unfortunately he was not able to come up with any real answers . . . I guess there just aren't any. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Thank you . . . I certainly appreciate your concern. I may have misled you a little with the mention of dementia. She has had about 4 - 5 episodes when her symptoms were bad enough to require hospitalisation, but for the most part, she functions quite normally and the casual observer would be unaware there was anything amiss. Those episodes have occurred when there was a build up of toxins and they found their way to her brain. Since the Dr. increased her medication, thankfully those episodes seem to have ceased and she hasn't had one for a couple of years now. She is still able to drive, shop etc and she does shower everyday. It's only when you live with her and are able to compare how she is now, with how she used to be, that you become aware that something is not quite right. One or two friends who have known her for a long time have commented on it, but most people would think she was just fine. They probably wouldn't get close enough to really notice the smell, (which is mainly noticeable when she is naked . as I imagine it's seeping through her skin) or her breath. Unfortunately she is not particularly interested in sex, so I don't think she's at all concerned about the lack of intimacy, though from time to time she might make a comment about not kissing her anymore. I have talked to her about why that is . . and about my reluctance to interact with her anymore than is absolutely necessary, but she becomes defensive and seems to want to deny there is any problem with her. I would leave, but unfortunately I was raised to believe that the marriage vows are for life, so I know I'd really struggle to cope with my guilt if I was to do that. I know many people cope with much more than I have to, but it gnaws away at me all the time, as I see the years slipping away and any chance of happiness slipping away with them. Just feel so trapped.

You are in a tough situation and it requires a lot a commitment and courage to stay on (which I really appreciate). One thought that might be able to help you would be "what if it were to happen to you instead of her?". This was something not in her control. In the meantime fill your life with all the hobbies of your interest to keep yourself distracted.