Are my standards too high?

(This is pretty detailed because I'm going through a possible break-up and need completely objective answers. A big THANK YOU to the people who read all the way through.) First, I'll start with my dad. He has a moderately successful government job (DOC) which means he makes around $50k a year (I'm guessing). He has almost always been smart with his financial decisions, meaning he has a nice-ish place to live (nothing special, like the cookie-cutter houses that go for $200k) and his hobbies include his motorcycle (which, admittedly, might have cost as much as his car), enjoying alcohol (not abusing it) and going to events such as the Sturgis Motorcycle rally. He has been married twice, to my mother for seven years and to another woman for two. Neither ended well. In other words, I'm looking for someone who has a good sense of justice, but is able to have fun and be a little irreverent while still having good financial habits. The only thing I want different is the ability to make a marriage work. Now that you know what kind of standards Freud says I most look for, I'll tell you about my current partner. We have been together for five years, had a breakup around a year ago that lasted two months, but we got back together fairly smoothly. He has a terrible job history, because of attendance and his parents have bad financial habits that he has carried on, which means he is currently in debt to the IRS along with a broken lease from his previous relationship ($3k) and a couple of other small bills that have all contributed to a very low credit score. Personality wise, he is almost exactly like my father. The only difference is that my boyfriend is willing to experiment with non-habit forming drugs every once in a while - I don't mind that, it's never been a problem and I don't predict it will be. He has only had one car that he bought himself and he crashed it. His brother gave him a car for free, but that was stolen. He has had three years to save to buy himself a car, but has never been able to do it. He says that he would like to pursue a college education, but has never had the initiative. The only time he did anything about it was sign some forms when his mom filled out an application. His hobbies are playing video games and the guitar. He is very good at making me feel wanted, pays attention to the things I like and has a wonderful sense of humor, has written a few songs for me. Most girls would swoon if they were given this level of attention. And now about me. I have been attending college for five years. It's only taking me so long, because I want to be independent and I work full time while I go to school, so I can only take a few classes every semester (and I'm also really bad at math). I have a lot of goals set for my future and all my previous goals have been fulfilled (admittedly, I have lowered a few grandiose goals to match what I'm capable of when I realize that they may be far out of reach). I was able to get a loan for a car with a 1.99% interest rate and in a few months I will have paid it off a year early. I feel like, even though I haven't quite reached my career, I am well on my way. I don't often need help from other people (especially not financially), but I don't think about it too much because I know if there's an emergency, my dad would help me out. Again, he's never really had to. My hobbies are writing and reading. I really appreciate those who have read this far. Do not despair, I'm almost finished. Our most recent fight was me telling him he is irresponsible and smothering me. I told him he was clingy and needy and that I needed space. He told me I was cold and heartless and said that I should move out and not talk to him again until I missed him or if I decided I wanted to break up with him. With these things in mind, I have come to two conclusions and I need help determining which one is right. 1. I have a dismissive/avoidant personality type and my standards are much too high. I need to see a therapist who will help me cope with this and establish a stronger relationship with my partner. 2. My partner does not have enough ambition to satisfy my future goals and if I'm as good-looking, smart and pretty as I believe I am and if I put the right energy out there, I will eventually find him. Please tell me what you think, and if there's a 3rd option, please tell me. Sorry it was so long winded - I think this breakup is taking a toll on me because of indecision. Thanks.

Megan, Break-ups are hard. But they're harder once marriage/children are involved. I may be going through one right now ... trust me, it's better to do it now. You wrote all the things you need to know to make your decision; go back and read what you wrote about him, and you will know what to do. Good luck!

Whelming, Thank you very much for reading this all the way through and your insightful reply. I'm sorry you're going through this too. This really helps me make my decision. I still need to think about things for a few more days, but I appreciate your answer :)

Quite frankly, the first poster is correct in every way. If the guy doesn't come up to your standards, and you've basically listed his shortcomings in black and white, then move on from him. As detailed as your post is, you never once mention any love for your partner...this tells us where your breakup is. Finally, above all else, choose a partner who mirrors YOUR values and standards.

I actually just noticed that I didn't include any of the information about how I feel for him emotionally. I love him. I love him because he has been around for five years and because he has a great sense of humor. He's very good looking and warm-hearted. I think my doubts about wanting to leave him are not really about love, though. It might just be that I'll miss the familiarity of our relationship. When we weren't together last year, I went out on a couple of dates and got back together with him because none of those dates were on par with my expectations. There were a couple of really great guys in there, but because they didn't have the same sense of humor or values that had been a constant in my life for four years, I found them unsatisfactory and initiated a rekindling of my current relationship. You know, I have been doing so much research on the net since Friday morning, but was still completely unsure about my feelings, up until I wrote that last paragraph. I do love him, but we're not right for each other. And I was afraid to break it off with him again because I didn't want to take the time to look for another person that I was compatible with. Manalone, thanks a lot for the advice. Mind = blown with what just went on in my head.