Show me how to live

2 years ago i fell sick from menigitas and a serious heart disease that almost took my life. I was in a coma for 5 months and was given a 10% chance to live. Sure enough i lived. My background at the time was in fiance and involved allot of traveling. Soon after i woke up from the coma i was told that they put a pace maker and a heart valve. I was 42 then and now i'm 44. I have always been young at heart and very outgoing and believe I still am. Well, thinking life would be challenging to start over again it became harder than i thought. I had to learn to walk again...basically i had to learn everything over again and at the back of my mind i thought to myself who will accept me like this. Being single and no children i knew of the difficult road ahead of me. Two long and hard years went by and this past summer i met someone that i thought took me for who i was and had no problem with my condition...although you wouldn't think i had problems unless i told you so. She betrayed me and stopped talking to me and throughout the summer its only been lies that i noticed she was telling me. She lead me on saying that she wanted to be my girlfriend buy we were 1hr away from each other..big deal. Don't think that was the problem..My issue is that i've been a good person throughout my life and i feel that god has cursed me for some reason or another, I've tried my best to pray, talk and even rationalize my current life. Its been hell and i don't have anyone to talk to about this as friends just say the same things like not to worry and that i'm a good guy and things will only get better...I don't know how to live anymore as i don't know anymore how faithless and how every step take forward i find myself only 3 steps behind again and become so numb to all that is around me..How can i go on, i'm not suicidal...no, that's dumb. But i'm tired of eveything.

Well, you are not a bad person. And you are not cursed. I have always been told that we are handed life in a myriad of ways to build us up and make us stronger. With prayer there is usually peace, at least long enough to catch your breath. What I do know is people by nature are selfish, so rather than build up and support one another we beat down to make ourselves look better. Different walks of life bring different expectations. I have learned some valuable lessons in life and not all were pleasant. There was alot of pain involved and still is in some respects. What it boils down to is what you want out of life? I assume you are active individual? If so reach out to heal yourself first by doing things that you enjoy. Love follows when we love ourselves. Yes, I know its cliche as hell but true. When you least expect it, it comes. What I have noticed spiritually is that we get what we need in life when we need it most. It is and always will be a battle, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here is a dumb question....have you thought of working on healing yourself first and then looking out? My savior in the worst time of my life is a female german sheperd. She was a puppy when I got her and she needed me, when no one else did...or so I thought. She healed me, patched me up and when I was ready...a relationship came. Here is a blog that was also very helpful to me. Feel free to reach out to the writer of the blog, she is great!!! Start from July of 2012 and read. I found it very healing. Blog: http://daniellefaur.blogspot.com/