Confused

I met my husband four years ago when I was finishing college. He did not have a job or any motivation, except to smoke marijuana. I helped him get on his feet & move out of his parent's house. He eventually secured a construction job- same one he has today. Meanwhile, I worked 2 part-time jobs, volunteered & took curses for graduate school. We historically fought over money & the division of labor in our relationship. I now have a good job & am able to support myself. When I met him I had quit drinking & was sober. During our relationship, I had fallen back into drinking & find myself struggling in this area. We separated after being married for 8 months & I now live on my own. I do not know whether to stay with him or leave- I am so confused! I am now 26 and I worry about not having anyone to have a family with, as I will not meet them in time. I do not know whether leaving him will be a mistake on my part, but I do not think I am in love with him anymore. I do care about him, however conversation has grown boring & we just argue all the time. I am confused & scared to make the wrong decision and I use alcohol to cope. A few weeks ago, I had gone overseas for a vacation & met someone interesting (nothing to come of it, I am sure- he likely thinks I am an insane party girl!) but it kind of gave me hope that maybe there are people out there who would be better match for me. I guess the real question is: are marriage issues such as mine normal & I should stay and fix it, or should I take the time to choose a partner more wisely?

If you're not in love with your husband anymore then your marriage, in your eyes, is basically over. If you had constant conflict, without attempting to resolve it, then you both were slowly contributing to it's eventual end. You need to move on from your marriage because there IS someone else out there for you, no ifs or buts about it. You need to be wiser from your experience and you also need to be well and truly over your husband before you can be with someone else. You also need to realize that your relationship issues sre not the cause of your drinking. You are. While you rely on it to help you cope, you are going backwards as well as risking becoming more and more reliant on alcohol to help you solve other problems in life. If you can put it in 'black and white' in your post, then you should be able to recognize that staying with your husband is unhealthy in more ways than one. Choose a partner who shares your values and standards and someone who will respect you. If you choose wisely, your next partner will keep your heart safe and make you his priority. That way you won't need alcohol to help you cope because you'll be half way there to having a normal, loving relationship. We only live once, but if we do it properly, once is enough.

Thank you so much. That is the best advice I have ever received on this subject. I really appreciate the thought & objectivity.