Lost female

I previous posted my issue before and received great advise but I just can't seem to forget this boy. I know he's done me wrong and deep down I should hate him but I don't. I'm forever crying, emotional and I don't know how to distract my mind. I'm smoking so much weed just to be happy. I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I feel so hurt and heart broken. I'm a good observer. I worked this boy out and something told me he's a prick but I still thought you know what give him a chance, it had nothing to do with looks, cos he ain't even attractive, I just fell in love with him. I just blame myself for giving him a chance and allowing him to violate me, make me feel like this when I knew what sort of person he is. I'm just angry at myself I think I don't even know how to forget this boy, I thought maybe talking to other boys would distract me but after 5 minutes get bored and just think but he's not him. I've even let my pride go and contacted this boy so many times cos I miss him but everytime I did it was like I was forcing it and he didn't want to talk so I never plan to get in contact with him. I just need to forget him, not even forget I just want to feel nothing towards him, no love but no hate, just nothing but I don't know how. I'm 19 and generally feel like I'm in love with this boy or just met someone and it just wasn't meant to be. My mind won't allow me to let him go, like I don't want to, I've always got faith we'll end up talking again or giving it a go. I feel like a fool, like I actually believed what he said I just want to wake up and be happy I'm sick of being emotional and crying but I guess every female experiences heartbreak at one point in life, I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't like telling people my problems or what's wrong with me cos I feel if I've got a problem, I can deal with it myself but I'm just at a breaking point, I can't deal with this no more. All I do is cry and smoke weed

While you cry and smoke weed you will forever be miserable and depressed. You need to forget about this guy, but you need the right environment and the right mindset to succeed. Surround yourself with friends and well meaning people who care for you if you can. Open yourself up rather than be in a cave of misery where no one can assist or reach you. You are the main person and the only person to do this. If you allow others to help you then you will succeed. If you don't, you will be where you are now..on a merry go around of emotions in turmoil, depression and drug use. You can do this because you have posted here and if you can post here, then you are already starting to succeed with moving on from this guy. The effort comes from you and you alone. Be true to yourself and be kind to yourself, then you won't have to hate or have anger.