The Ex Girlfriend

ok so me and my ex girlfriend broke up and it was devastating, just to set the scene ill tell you why we broke up. We broke up because of the fact my bestfriend didnt like her and asked her to not be there when she is present (while i wasnt around of course) my girlfriend at the time then refused to give me any information and when i asked my best friend i recieved misinformation so i handled the situation poorly but the main reason she was upset is because i didnt get outraged at the fact my best friend asked her something like that. so we were apart for a few months and then all of a sudden she wants to get back together but i was hurt, id put my kneck out for her time and time again, i supported her through cancer and through problems with her family (especially her mother who was not fond of the fact her daughter was in a lesbian relationship with me). It was even more upsetting because of the fact there was a point in time in which my mother abandoned me for months she came back but i was always scared she would leave again. I've had my father and my half brother turn their backs on me which hurt and she knew all of this information and left any way to be spiteful (she later admitted this). So when she said lets get back together I refused for months and she wasnt patient about it she manipulated and lied, threatened suicide, started self harming and basicly tried anything to have my attention. I took a long break away from her (needed to figure things out without her input) and I realised that regardless of the crazy things that had happened I still wanted her in my life because I love her but now she doesn't want to. Things are going good for her at the moment she has a new job, family life is more stable, re-connected with friends she cut off and shes seeing somebody. I feel so confused because even though she says she doesnt want to be with me she still talks about how i mean alot to her and how ill always be her bestfriend, she still even calls me every night and falls asleep on the phone. I dont know if im her friend, her comfort or her back up plan in case things dont work out with whoever shes seeing. If im honest i feel angry about everything, I was right there with her when she was saying she doesnt want to live anymore, I was right there when she was scared to death of surgery to remove her cancer and it feels like i provided all of that support and she never appreciated any of it then somebody else gets the better person when i was there through all of the struggle. I dont know what to do at all.

Very true but our sexual chemistry is still crazy every time we end up around each other we cant really keep our hands off each other, feels like its kinda of impossible to put her in a "friend zone"