How to love

I dated a narssistic man it has been 4.5 years since we have been together. He was also abusive. We share a child  together he doesn't see his son every once in awhile he will send me emails. I have blocked him from other sources of communication as he likes to mix endearment with verbal abuse. He is a very twisted man but he saved me from a nasty relationship and I still have some soft spot for him almost as if when he emails me I feel bad and sad and it feela like he cares. I am currently with another man for 3 years I live with him and he is the one raising my child with me...he isn't good with words or showing his feelings the way my ex is and I have a way of always comparing the two..to my current bf I don't ever respond to my ex. I know this hurts my bf...idk why I do it..I have some sick idea of what love is supposed to be and because my current doesn't charm I feel as if he doesn't care...how do I change my perception and move on from my false ideas of what love really is.

A twisted, abusive man saved you from a previous relationship?? Just how bad was the previous relationship?? Wow. Narcissists can act very charming (note the word "act", because that is all it is.) They lure you in with their charm in order to draw you close enough to them so that they can get a high by inflicting their abuse. Your ex was never showing his feelings when he used charming words, because narcissists don't have feelings for other people; they only care about their own feelings. I think you were (are?) a little addicted to the compliments (albeit ulterior motive compliments) the narcissist bestowed on you. The first thing you need to do is block your e-mail. Stop all contact with the narcissist and do not ever have any contact with him whatsoever. Next, you need to learn how to love yourself so that you won't need so many compliments from other people in order to feel good about yourself (I recommend counseling for this). Finally, you need to appreciate the man you are with - he is helping you raise you child - that is one of the best compliments a person can give.