Getting over it?

Well once upon a time i had this girlfriend about a year and a half - 2 years ago, at the time she was living with me and we were starting to become fairly serious, at this time she became pregnant i was just starting a new job so i was fairy busy with work, in turn we decided she would stay with her parents until we could get things more stable. after about 4-5 months she miscarried kinda went off the deep end and cheated on me,it progressively got worse and we ended up splitting. The downfall, ever since then I've had a hard time getting close to anyone or really letting anyone in I've had a couple flings but i really just could not get into it, everyones always nagging me to get out and start dating but i dont really know how to move past it, i feel like its been long enough to the point where i could/should be getting back out there but everytime i try everything kinda just comes back. It's something i would like to move past, ontop of that my extremely shy nature doesnt help the situation. Any outside advice would be most definitely appreciated, the family/friend root doesnt seem to heed much help =(

Get things more stable? Why? Was this house or apartment of yours actually a houseboat constantly tossed around by choppy waters which made her sea-sick? And how did she WHOOPS-SH*T!-fall pregnant? Had she never heard of contraception? Hadn't you?

Heh No, it was my first time sort of "out on my own persay" it was really just alot more than i was expecting to be honest, and money gets tight sometimes thus making it an unstable home not much you can do for that besides work more. It's not like i avoided her afterwords or anything we ived about 20 minutes from her parents house so i was really there every night after work i just coudnt be there for her through the day. as far as her getting pregnant (didnt say she whoops fell pregnant) it was not really planned but we had talked about it and decided if it happens it happens.

Solly but can I have that again in Engrish? Are you saying you couldn't handle having a live-in girlfriend, added to which the extra financial pressure of a baby on the way made you panic and work too much overtime, to the point where things got difficult due to her feeling neglected or even downright ignored, culminating in her opting to move back into her parents in order to force greater attention out of you? Do you suppose that's WHY she tried to start up a replacement relationship on the side? And do you suppose that you not sufficiently making this 2 + 2 = 4 connection is WHY you're having difficulty moving on from it (because only done and dusted allows for moving on without nagging conscience)? How heartbroken did you feel out of 10? Also, did you know that getting through the whole grieving process from Shock all the way to Acceptance TAKES 2 years - AT LEAST (5 or so at the outset depending on how mentally busy one is constantly forced to be)? So have you tried doing this to the naggers?... :-p ? Also, re the pregnancy: it doesn't "happen", mate. Not if you're using contraception. So bearing in mind you weren't married yet AND that you were apparently already dealing with enough on your plate, like your new job, why didn't you both agree to use it? Another question: How do you feel you handled the miscarriage from her point of view? Finally (for now): How old are you? PS: It's 'per se'. (Sorry, my arse made me type that.)

Honestly i wasn't ready for it to all happen at once, I tried to be around when i wasn't at work or sleeping i was with her(she did stay with me at the house on weekends) As far as her starting a relationship on the side i wouldn't have called it a relationship more like her friend got her drunk and it happened once. If there's one thing i'll still give her she was an honest person she told me soon me after evidently i didn't take it well. Also did drop him out of her life, (or so i was told by everyone) scale of 1-10? not gonna i don't think i can tag a number on that one. I was born out of marriage so I'm not exactly a firm believer in that one, I'm still young only 21 i know we could have waited on alot of stuff. Also could have done a lot of stuff differently, so yeah we most definitely moved to fast. I know she wasnt the only one at fault, when she miscarried to say the least was brought down by it, i should have probably been a little less distant which in turn may have turned her away from drugs and alcohol which would've probably lessened that chance of her cheating on me. BUT i didnt...

Not gonna lie wasnt expecting anyone to actually talk through it figured it would be people just throwing their 2 cents :$

Heheh I just found this last post on Jan 2… Im still in Jan the 1st… whats the future like? O.o As for Kittalia and yer issue man, I am in a similar dilemma with folks telln their opinion of how I need to stop being introverted and date and how its unhealthy to avoid people. But for me… I’m cool with that. I prefer solitude as a way of life. Have you considered solitude to be of interest to you? Now if that’s not the case, in order to move on from something like that that has you emotionally connected to the action still. You need to break the emotional link. So in this case, your fear relating to that of which is on your mind concerning her. Because every girl you meet, is going to be different and that goes for every person. They may have similarities but when you talk to each they are unique. So comparing them to your long time ex is not only unfair to them but to yourself as well because your shorting them and yourself. As for having a conversation, then yea you haven’t posted on this forum before… lol

just the same as the past ^-^ yeah no i am a pretty social guy i don't really like being alone to much. It's not so much comparing them but back in my mind i just start thinking about her even if the current situation has nothign to do with the memory, which i really dont want to do while im trying to start something new with someone. heh wel i guess i am still young lots to learn >.< heh no i havnt it was suggested to me so i gave it a shot

No, I wouldn't expect someone to handle all of that at once, especially when you're only 21 and technically- I won't say too young but NOT READY to settle down to that extent. Trust me, you're not going to get any argument from me over whether or not you needed to be legally married because to all intents and purposes, you damn well WERE because 'married' is a verb before it's a noun...and you were 'verb-ing'. The main difference between what are considered normal life changes - be they negative or positive - and trauma is, the former happens in manageable succession and the latter in one overwhelming hit (and the mind can't cope). Her adding having an adulterous one-night-stand to the mix shows her to have been so self-centred at that point that she lacked any understanding over how burdening all that was for you. And yet despite that burden, you sound like you busted a gut on her behalf. Also: sorry, but it strikes me as wholly suspicious if, following an 'if it happens, que sera' conversation and her moving in, a woman thereafter quite quickly falls pregnant. "Things that make you go, HMMMM". It sounds like she had this roses-around-the-door fantasy and tried to shoehorn you into it. And that when it failed to go to plan, she blamed you. Say what you like but cheating on a partner (in this context) is irrefutably this: BASH! I don't like her, Sam-I-Am. Sorry. Agree with Keekay, however, that it wasn't "women" who cheated on you, just this one PERSON. Some people are 'sorted' and nice/kind, some are beeps. And whichever of those happen either have jugs and a box or a dangly and round-objects. Berbom. "scale of 1-10? not gonna i don't think i can tag a number on that one." Why on earth not? You sure this is love-sickness and not suppressed rage at the gross injustice, and you're suppressing it simply because ON THE SURFACE she seemed nice? Well, ACTIONS prove who's nice or not. What say you now, Gunga Din?