25 female and married, need advice!
hi, so ive never entered a forum before so here I go! to be honest where do I start, ill try to make my long story/situation short.
im 25 and im married, young I know but it felt right what can I say.
I met my now husband 5 years ago, I was completely infatuated, love at first sight I would even say. He was amazing, funny, hot, lovely and completely made me fall in love but there was just one problem - he was a complete lad. maybe im attracted to the bad boy, tattooed image and attitude I mean come on who wouldn't but I soon found out I was being told by everyone I knew to stay away from him. But nope I had made my decision I was in love and it was staying that way.
6 months went by and then the first lie came out, a pretty big one. he had slept with someone else. I was devastated understandably but I stuck by him and we moved in together.
The next year and a half were really eventful. every weekend I would come home from work and his car, clothes, charger etc were gone, he had gone away for the weekend again and not told me. I know I look stupid for putting up with it at the time but I was younger and just went out myself if he wasn't there even though he would refuse to answer the phone to me. I think the biggest thing that annoys me is that he would come home with make up all over his clothes and sometimes a love bite (classy right?) .
I could always tell when he was lying, it was something I had managed to learn funny enough.
one day I had just had enough and packed his stuff and told him to leave , he begged me not to and cried and gave it the im sorry ill change so he stayed and promised to not be so immature bearing in mind hes 2 years older.
a couple months later he proposed, I said yes and we got married 8 months later, although 7 weeks before the wedding he vanished off on a lads holiday without telling me. now I really do look like a mug.
he came back we argued we got married, I mean I was in a pretty difficult situation. everything was booked and paid for. I thought he might get better if we were commited.
I was wrong of course.
Another year and abit go by and things aren't as bad still went out but had promised no hotels etc but there were still things I knew he was lying about I could tell.
now I know what your thinking, am I a horrible partner for him to act like this and continue to lie and hide things from me nut I can say right now I would of died for this guy. and I did everything I could to make him happy.
just before I turned 25 we decided for me to come off the pill, everything was going so much better and we were happy and in love I thought it was perfect. one day I just had this feeling something was right, in fact it was a month into us trying for a baby, I asked to see his phone, in the 5 years hes never ever let me see his phone and ive never asked because it caused such a problem and I didn't want the argument. im a firm believer if you have nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a problem, he never left it lying around it was always in his pocket. one night when he was asleep I decided to just check it.
no surprises to what I found girls numbers and dating websites!
now im not being big headed here atal we are both a decent looking pair. im a beauty therapist so always worry about my appearance , I go to the gym, im only a size 8 and I have a huge sex drive and always make people laugh- I don't get it.
not also ignoring the fact wer trying for a baby! as you can imagine it didn't go down well, this was really the last straw I spent a week crying and not talking to him. his excuse was that he was bored of life. wanted a change.
over the years our sex life has been shocking, he likes once a week, I like once a day. personally I think hes either gay or just doesn't want me??
He has never been jealous when I get chatted up, he leaves me on my own in pubs talking to random men whilst he goes off with his dad. I just don't get it.
its been a few months since the phone incident and im now at the point of what do I do?? I know he will never really change, I don't feel atal like he loves me and he never wants sex. Im 25 years old and hes 27 surely its ment to be a big part of our relationship?? the worst part now is that I don't think I love him that way anymore, we have good days and bad days but I feel like im just his friend. I don't want to waste either one of our times but I know ill miss him terribly and the life we have built.
im massively confused, im even loving the attention from other guys that do seem interested where as he doesn't even look at me when im naked. I feel unwanted, unattractive and useless. hes pushed me away with him wearing me down over the years. what do I do? ive tried talking to him even telling him that I like the attention from other guys but it hasn't made a difference.
I don't want to become someone who is dishonest because im not like that but its going to go that way if it carries on. he tells me he loves me but I fee its more routine.
Any views welcome, men and women. thank you for taking the time to read my problem x
First of all - please don't have a baby with this guy. Not only is he not marriage material, he'd be a bad father.
You see, he is so self centered that he can't see anything but his own needs. But, of course, you know this.
Now, he is withholding sex, too. (sex which probably kept you together for longer than needed)
So - he's a bad-boy CHILD. He's thinking: "How bad can I be before she leaves me?" That's exactly what he wants.
Now you can do what both of you really want: he gets to be free again and you shed a no-goodski guy.
There you go now - wiser and a better woman.
Hi girl, I'm sad to hear what's happening. I can say from experience that it's sounds like you are both wanting to go your separate ways but perhaps scared to say good-bye and permanently moving on. I have been with my partner for a long time time also married young at 21. We have both made mistake and have equally hurt each other. But one thing that has never faltered is our love for each other or wanting to put things right to move in a positive direction. We went to councelling for a while and it really helped because I didn't realise till then that we didn't really listen to each other or processing and taking in what we were saying. All I can say is your both not prepared to fight for the relationship it will never get better and the last thing you both want one day is to wake up perhaps feeling resentful towards each other . Hope this helps good luck.