I saw a girl knock out my boyfriend. Please help!?
I was out at the pub playing pool with my boyfriend. I went to take a shot and accidently hit a woman with my cue. She turned round and I apologised but she started getting aggressive. My boyfriend, Steve, asked her to stop but she said 'What are you going to do about it?' And started moving towards him. He pushed her away but she came back and punched him in the face. He was knocked out from that punch and collapsed on the floor like a dead weight. She laughed and walked off. Everyone in the pub saw. I ran over to Steve but he was out cold. He was pale and had wet himself. We called an ambulance and he was still unconscious by the time we got to the hospital.
I could tell the nurses were talking about him and almost laughing about what had happened. One nurse asked a psychologist to come over and she waited with me. Eventually, after an hour or so, he came to. He didn't remember what had happened. I will never forget the look on his face when he was told he'd been knocked out cold for over an hour by a girl. He was in hospital overnight because of how long he'd been out. He did nothing wrong and was standing up for me but I'm so embarrassed and turned off because a little girl knocked him unconscious with a single punch. He keeps saying she caught him by surprise but he pushed her and he watched her walk back up to him. I want a man who can protect me not one who is a laughing stock in our town.
I was just about to type this: That's nice. There he is doing his MANLY duty in trying to protect you as gets himself "a" fist in the face that just happens to catch him on precisely the wrong spot as renders one unconscious, and there's you taking that as if that makes him not man enough?
But then it occurred to me that maybe you just haven't sorted out in your head the actual issue behind why you feel suddenly turned off.
Is it anything to do with the fact that despite he did have other options (e.g. backing immediately away whilst muttering about how he didn't fight girls, threatening to call the Police or pub manager), he was the one who exerted physical aggression onto her first via that shove?
And exactly HOW did he hask her to stop? What were the words and tone?
(Hi obviously meant 'ask'. Hi don't have a speech himpediment. ..Hor do I?)
In this situation you have to be aware that this is the work of society’s stigmatism into the belief that women are weak. I personally trained in Shinkage-ryu and some of the best swordsmen are women because they’re light, agile, and their techniques reflect in their agility. So now I never underestimate anyone.
From how it sounds she hit him with a side swing because usually when you get knocked out its because the brain is smacked against the inside of the skull which obviously is dangerous. This can happen to anyone even pros.
So sure everyone may laugh but I’ve received broken bones from women before. Gender doesn’t constitute strength. Intelligence, will, and skill does. I can understand wanting a guy who will protect you, but how many times do you expect to be in danger? I have training in quite a few martial forms and I have rarely used them outside of training and only in defense. The best way to “protect” yourself or someone is to be aware of your surroundings otherwise it does matter how good or bad you are.
Soulmate... YES YOU DO HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT!!! You speak worth a British accent im sure... some it's not American that constitutes a speech impediment in my book... :)
I think he could've handled the issue better and asked her more politely and not pushed her. He was being a bit of an alpha male and dismissing her because she was a woman. I guess she made a point to him!
It took a toll on me too, seeing that happen. I screamed and was crying. And he's not been the same since. He's had nightmares, I'm sure, and it's like she stole his soul with one punch. I think a lot of men would struggle with what happened to him.
I don't want to be shallow but I just feel differently about him now.
Your boyfriend probably expected the girl to hit him and not be phased, which will be why he didn't try to stop her when she walked towards him. He maybe got caught by surprise and knocked out, it happens, I train in a couple of hard sparring fighting sports and have personally seen people knocked out whilst sparring at 50-60%, even with head gear on, it happens.
Maybe the girl fights a lot and knows how to punch, maybe it was a fluke because your boyfriend didn't expect it to be so hard, maybe he was drunk and that's why he went down easy, maybe he smashed his head on the ground and that's why he took an hour to wake up.
Either way, you sound as if other people opinions are taking priority over your boyfriends well being, mental and physical, that;s just how some people are and you need to decide what's more important, him or other peoples mutterings.
Personally I would try and help him to laugh it off, he'll be more embarrassed than you and he will know you feel ashamed by your behaviour, which will be making him walk on egg-shells, making him seem even meeker to you, it won't be helping matters.. bolster his confidence and see how it goes instead of beating it up even more so.
In the end, this is just an advice forum, the decision is entirely yours remember.
I understand it is my decision but it is useful to have advice.
It worries me how he has reacted to it. I wonder if he may need counselling. He seems scared to go out of the house and worried about seeing her. He won't press charges because of the humiliation. I also worry that he might have been turned on by what happened. Before the incident, I thought I'd seen him looking at her while we were playing pool. She was a pretty girl and was dressed very scantily.
Okay, I think I get it. Here's possibly what went down:
You noticed him sneakily ogling this overly sure of herself, overtly sexually/bodily confident woman. You thought the fact he kept looking meant he fancied her. Despite part of him probably did, which he couldn't help, there was a far greater psychology in play. Called fear/hate/resentment (and, I'm betting, unfinished business). He can't STAND 'women like that'.
You were misreading his mental-emotional state and so was she.
As such, you subconsciously - without even realising on the conscious level - managed to skewer her of all people with your pool cue. "Take that, you man-hunter!". Because you did that, you contextualised for her her own take on why he'd been looking. "Ah-HAH, her boyfriend fancies me and she's resentfully jealous and that's why she's just hit me with her cue!".
This explains why she wouldn't let it lie and kept going on and on at you. She took your poke for a white glove in the face, an invitation to a duel. Believing your bf fancied her type, as (necessarily, dressing like that) includes self-defense capability, she thought it was Game On regarding competing in Alpha status for your bf's benefit, getting to show off her female skills and superiority in front of him ("Pick me! / No, me!").
But because you'd got him wrong as caused her to get it wrong, she got the surprise of her life when the following came to fruition:
There he'd been, keeping his face neutral whilst taking these furtive glances, thinking about how much he despises that type (because they've done him some wrong in the past *and* because they're the type make men feel redundant in terms of what they see as their societal as well as mini-societal leadership status) and wishes they didn't exist, that he could (Kenny Everett saying) put them all in the field and BOMMMMB the basstuds! Laughibly enough, this woman and him are counterparts - BOTH misogynistic in that one way. She thinks women are superior and 'can't stand men like him' just as much as he feels the opposite. They are BOTH misogynists and non-team players!
Next thing you know, she's now confirming his suspected stereotyping of her by getting physically aggressive with something of his (you). His protective instinct tips his scales from inaction to action. He tries to reason with her on your behalf.
I imagine her tone at that point was more, 'What are YOU doing to do about it? (and why would you when it appears you fancy me?)' rather than, 'What are you going to DO about it?'.
"Ugh! Fancy a loud-mouth t*rt like you?!" would have been his internal response. And, seeing his brilliant opportunity and excuse to put 'a b*llbreaking bizc like that' back in her proper place with men whether on a one-to-one or grander scale, courtesy of her challenging him with a run-up-to-violence statement - in he waded....and shoved her hard as a free sample of his superiority, via his bodily strength ("Ha-ha - *owned*, darlin'!").
That he could even CROSS the male-to-female taboo of never 'hitting' a woman meant he now finally made it crystal-clear to her what had lain behind his prior glances. Suddenly, he's gone from potential suitor to DER ENEMY. And not only that but she's now feeling humiliated (to herself and quite possibly to her friends if she'd alerted them to the fact he kept looking at her). That's why she put her all into her punch. She'd been waiting to do that FOR YEARS anyway!
With that knock-out punch, she (her perception) showed him that he'd better think twice and correct/update his attitude towards women as the weaker, domitable gender, whom, if men like him can't ever win against VERBALLY during clashes/arguments (because being used to arguing in an emotional state, women are more barrister-like thus relentless yet indefatigable), at would still always get to pull out from their sleeve that muscle-power trump card, meaning (his perception) "real, manly men" at least need never fear a gender takeover either personally or societally, just the wimps of this world.
That his ultimate trump card got instantly shown to be nothing of the sort, mind-f***ed him - to point of present and future-conceptions crisis. He now feels his last-resort weapon in the battle between the sexes has just vanished into thin air. So where does that leave HIM AND HIS LIKEMINDEDS? Answer: as not just equally but MORE vulnerable than women!
As for you: You didn't realise he had issues with some, or even just this, type of women. You didn't realise he was secretly a small-minded bigot. But now you do. So what does that mean for YOU? What if YOU ever behaved even remotely like her during an argument, i.e. dared get bulshy? Are you going to get instantly coloured as DER ENEMY and - his normally locked taboo gate suddenly opening to suit - likewise treated accordingly? Shoved hard (or worse) to instantly shut you up?
Also, you've just had seeming reason to believe your boyfriend doesn't have a relationship-conducive TEAMSHIP SPIRIT, that he sees it as men versus women.
So STEPHWEAVER80, did any of that go Ping! in your head?
If so - Yup, worrying stuff (potentially). And yup, he probably could do with counselling. (Same to that woman, actually!)
As for prosecuting. Difficult. Because he threw the first "punch", prior to which it was merely a verbal altercation as could have remained that way, despite she didn't exert only what courts deem REASONABLE force in her attempt to self-defend, meaning it goes from self-defence to deliberate, opportunistic attack. It would see them as being as bad as each other. Which they are.
But since his crisis has given you reason to go into your own crisis, meaning the two crises are inextricably linked (despite his is more keen and prevalent), my suggestion is - depending on how long you've been together - that you have couples counselling.
How long have you been a couple?
PS Keekster: LOL. However, since I wouldn't ever try to remove pencil marks on paper using a condom, nor believe I feature a donkey at the rear-side top of my thighs ("ass"), I think I can live with that, ta (ha-ha).
Wow! I don't know about any of that. I certainly didn't know she was behind me. I definitely didn't poke her with my cue on purpose.
I think she was the attention-grabbing sort but I wouldn't know how she felt about men in general. She certainly enjoyed seeing him stiffen up when she hit him and then fall to the floor. I mean, she was laughing, especially when he started to pee himself. Then she walked out happy with herself. No-one wanted to stop her after what had just happened!
And Steve has only ever treated women kindly. He's close with his mother and is normally a true gentleman. I'm sure he was trying to be chivalrous and protect me. He is very defence of me.
We've been together 9 years.
He won't talk about what happened with me. I tried to bring it up but he looked like he was going to start crying. I mention it to a couple of my girl friends and they ask if he was okay but they found it hilarious too. 'Girl power at its finest' one of them said.
I agree that she would probably get away with it because he shoved her but he wouldn't do anything anyway.
SOULMATE you should make a book... specifically a comic cause of all the imagery you put in you posts. Lol AND ITS KEEKS or Keekay to you MADAM... i was also confused by your donkey, condom and pencil post... o.o
Stephweaver i also am surprised. 9yrs later and one simple incident and your now wondering if he's the one? No judgement meant but do you hear how that sounds?
It's been 9 months. I didn't mean to write 9 years!
Lol ok i was like wow that must have been a very rocky relationship...
Sheesh you even stated that before i posted... im doing this from my phone give me a break u.u
"Wow! I don't know about any of that. I certainly didn't know she was behind me. I definitely didn't poke her with my cue on purpose."
No, I know. But whether you know this or not - you have a primitive animal inside you, same as everyone, and they're not so civilised and have a far wider vision and mental radar. You'd be surprised at how many people - WHOOPS! - manage to 'spill red wine' down the very person they have whatever problem with despite there were so many other 'targets' in the room at the time.
"I think she was the attention-grabbing sort but I wouldn't know how she felt about men in general. She certainly enjoyed seeing him stiffen up when she hit him and then fall to the floor. I mean, she was laughing, especially when he started to pee himself. Then she walked out happy with herself. No-one wanted to stop her after what had just happened!"
Sorry, did I say counselling? I meant psychiatric intervention. But anyway, this isn't about her. She was just a catalyst. Maybe she was a lesson for him as well as his reaction containing a lesson for you?
"And Steve has only ever treated women kindly. He's close with his mother and is normally a true gentleman. I'm sure he was trying to be chivalrous and protect me. He is very defence of me."
Course. You're not her same type, are you. Neither is his mother. And nor, I'm sure, are any of the woman he mixes with normally. But this time you saw how he was with that kind, didn't you.
"We've been together 9 [months]."
Ah. Not long, then.
"He won't talk about what happened with me. I tried to bring it up but he looked like he was going to start crying. I mention it to a couple of my girl friends and they ask if he was okay but they found it hilarious too. 'Girl power at its finest' one of them said."
Girl weakness, more like. Aggression is a fear reaction. And what SHOULD be a last resort, not a first. Sign of vulnerability (like why a hedgehog needs to be covered in sharp spikes). And your friends' reactions were probably a response to the fact they were shocked and hadn't a clue about what to think of it all. A dismissive one, IOW.
If he won't talk about it then it's probably too soon. It's also too soon for you to know why it is you feel as you do and draw any conclusions. You both need more time to come to terms with it. It was an extraordinary event and neither of you have any prior frame of reference to help you process it that much faster, do you.
Give him and yourself more time and then perhaps come back onto this same thread. Perhaps by then he'll be ready to discuss it. I imagine so. In the meantime, if you want to speed that up then either tell a lie for the power of good and say you've found out on the grapevine that she's a female boxer or suggest she can't be anything BUT, going by what you remember regarding the style and speed of her punch.