Can't forgive my husband and can't leave either

To cut a very long story short I have been married 9 years and have 2 kids. My hubby has been cheating on me for 3 years and made it out like I was going mad. Found out he cheated on me with 2 women from my kid's school and I told him I knew yet made out I was going mad. Finally got proof and we moved away and are trying to start again Have had counseling and therapy to help as I don't want my kids to be in a broken home but I am consumed daily with so mugs hatred towards him. I get panic attacks and full of rage yet I can't leave. I will never ever forgive him. I could have forgiven a simple affair maybe but the way he deceived me and lied to all our families is unforgivable. He is not fulfilling my needs emotionally and I know i have started looking elsewhere for this Any advice? Everyday I am full of anger and tried to get over this betrayal but I never will. It consumes my every thought even though was over a year ago

I agree with SUSIEDQQQ and to go further... From your childrens' perspectives, you are teaching them, even unconsciously, that a husband doesn't need to be supportive of all of their spouce's needs, and it's the spouce's responsibility to roll over and take the abuse. On top of that, they're going to see how he is abusing you, and blame themselves. On a psychological level this seems selfish of them, but children blame themselves for their parent's arguing. You were with him first, they came second, they will feel it's their fault because they came second. Regardless of your next choice, GO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST. You have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of anything. Tell them about the anxiety and stress. This kind of stress can lead to a slew of medical issues. If you end up seriously hurt, you can't take care of anything.

Take lots of water and green vegetables it will help you to calm down and forgiveness will flow freely into your life. if possible take five litters of water every day.