So lost

I Have a 1 year old son. His father and i have been together since he was born but we keep having trouble. My bf has desire for other women. Its all been done. Cheating, Attempting, Half naked risky pics, flirting, lies. but im stuck feeling like one day he will stop. But hasnt. we broke up and agreed not to sleep with anyone else but he did we have once again broken up, found a number hidden on his ipod. Im so heartbroken. took him back and now i can hardly keep from crying. idk. im lost. i think im mentally done with him. but how do i leave? i have no job. He just lost his. I have one month to pack and find a place to live. im so tired of all of this pain. and on top of that my spiritual relationship seems to keep slipping to the back burner..

I am so sorry this is happening to you. And I know everyone is telling you to just leave him but based on what you are describing it doesn't sound like you are going to until you are truly ready. You think you are but something is holding you back. Love can be very blind and sometimes we can put in our head ideas of who we think people are and fall in love with the idea of what we want them to be. Instead of seeing reality of who they really are. The only way to truly move on from this is to let your heart be done with him. Your mind can say it all day but you have to set your heart free from this. Because love is kind, gental, and joyfull. It doesn't sound like he gives you any of those feelings. So that can't be love. It is what you wish was love because you want it to be him that loves you. What you have to do is stop focusing on him and focus on yourself and your spiritual relationship. Truly give it all to God and let him take care of it and he will. You just have to trust him. Let him fill you with what true love is. Because all this stress that you are getting from this relationship is not worth it. Think of your son and how you have to be strong for him. And if yall are ment to be it will happen but at the moment it doesn't sound like that is what he wants. Don't let him have his cake and eat it to. Down lower yourself to that level. Show him you don't need him you just want him and how you will be just fine with out him. And then let that be the end of it. Don't do anything else to get at him just focus on you and the rest will fall into place. Good Luck!