Everybody leaves

Mostly everybody hated me when i was kid, so i was abused a lot. Its hard for me to meet people. I am very sensitive, and most of the time feel alone. The problem is that if i meet somebody and that person becomes my friend, sooner or little bit later it will leave. So i always end up hurt, and dont know why they left. So 2 years ago i meat a almost double older person then me, and we became a good friend, i even stopped being suicidal. I though, this person is older, it will have more understanding, maybe people of my age leave me because they are immature. So this friend and i as i said became very good friend. But after 7 months it started to change. She was speaking less and less to me, to the point were we would send message to each other once a 2 week, then once a month. End then, it passed 2 months of agony for me. I send her message, and she will just shortly give answer, and that was going on trough half of the year. Once When i asked her why she just gone from me, she just said i didnt, im still here, just having my own problems..etc. So later through months i would always be the one who will send her message, and she would shortly answer. So i asked if she wants to meet in person, she said ok, we set up a time, but then she had other things to do, so she cancelled, and said, i will tell you next week when will we see each other. It passed 4 months after that, she never answered. Obviously I never expected that from her. The most painful thing is that she left without saying why. I want a reason, want to know why, just that. But it hurts even more the thing i trusted her. So many times i have been emotionally and fizikaly beated, but i trusted her, ending up broken. I cant believe myself, that it was so good with her i even stopped being suicidal, and then getting hurted from her in a most brutal way. Because she knew my problem, she knew i was very sad because people just leave me, and then she does the same thing. I dont know what is worse, the thing that i trusted her, and not expecting that, or the thing that she could do that. If she wants to leave me, that is fine, i am not pushing anyone, i just want to hear reason, want to know why, and then go. Dont be a pice of sh.t and just do what everyone did to me, when you know it will hurt me. So through the day, i got mostly no one to talk to. It passes a 2 weeks, and then someone send me on fb message, so i feal lonely and lefted. The problem is also that i have nightmares, and every 3 weeks approximately, i have a nightmare about her. The basic story is always the same, i see her, we dont talk, or just say few words, she ignores me, i start to feal horrible, extremly sad in my own dream. last time i dreamd about her, she was in some apartman, i come in, i dont expect her, so im surprised, somebody else come and she loves him, she ignores me, the person left then i was runing for my cat, felt very sad, find myself walkin on some rode crying, very disturbed, felt so bad i just jumped from some building or something, and just leted my self go, spred my arms, then i waked up. it basicaly ruins my day. How do i stop being so sensitive, and how to stop dream about her, and how to stop thinking about her, and not to hurt me so bad like it happend yesterday. Why this fealings dont just leave me alone like everyone does. If somebody is reading this, and maybe felt the same, please share your story, i would like to read it. TnX

Here's something to consider... You can be sad, unhappy or depressed at times. You're human - we all get those sad feelings every now and then. That's just the way it is. However, having those sad feelings most of the time isn't normal. I'm sorry you went through a lot of abuse when you were a young child, but you're no longer a child (at least that's what I am assuming). Here's a little task you can do for yourself... Sit down and write out 5-10 good things about yourself. Then, over the course of a couple of weeks, write the good things that you have done under each of the 5-10 things you started with. You can add to that list anytime you want. Also, write down some things that you like to do. Swim, walk, sing... whatever. Then do at least one of those things every day. The idea is to make yourself think differently. Remember... Only you can change you. No one else can do it for you. People are people and there's nothing you can do about changing them or making them be your friend. Now, here's what you do if someone says something that hurts you... You walk away! Seriously... walk away. What do they REALLY know about you? Do they know your a nice person? Do they know your sensitive? Do they know much of anything about you? The answer to those will probably be a big fat "NO!" So who are they to judge you? They are nobody - they are just arrogant shitheads whose goal is to make you feel bad. So turn around and walk away. You don't need negative comments directed towards you. Just walk away. About telling people your problems... No one wants to be bombarded or listen to someone else' problems when they're supposed to be having fun or a good time. It's one thing to confide in a friend with a problem you may have, but it's a completely different thing to be a depressed Debbie all the time. Anyway, I wish you the best. Think positively! It really helps.