Guilt....

I've been married for about 2.5 years and we have a 16 month old daughter. My marriage basically sucks. I regret ever getting married and I wish so hard that I was still single, living alone and only having myself to take care of. But I do love my daughter with all that I am so I feel incredibly guilty for wanting my old life back. My husband is a narcississt in every sense, I'm not exaggerating. And yes, I knew full well what type of person he was before getting married. I didn't think marriage was going to fix anything but I didn't think it was going to be so crappy. I wish I could just take my daughter away and live happily ever after...but I can't. ..okay, I mean I won't. I guess I have hit rock bottom yet. Since I'm still in this marriage and I keep thinking of my life before I feel like bursting into tears when I look at my daughter. I don't blame her or anything...I just wish...

For wishing she could go back in time to her old life (which means her daughter wouldn't exist)? For having looked before leaping yet leapt anyway (ref having 'known' he was a Narcissist)? And (I'm guessing) in a manner that represents rushing in where angels fear to tread? For also having had a baby with him that bit too quickly (it turns out)? For having "stupidly" thought the guy might somehow through marriage at least simmer down if not actually heal? For considering taking her baby away from her daddy (sh*t daddy's better than none and all that)? For allowing herself the fantasy of the alternative of 'abandoning' her baby to a Narcissistic parent and risking one *doubly* seriously ucked-up child-into-adult? For, possibly, the fact she feels small and frightened at the thought of taking on what feels like the overwhelming task of going it alone but with a child in tow? For taking "too long" to hit rock bottom and thereby remaining in an untenable situation AS IF trapped? ...For being a woman? (ha-ha). Is that about right, WISHING?