My mom keeps trying to ruin my life

Hello everybody, I would need some advice and especially some support about an issue that keeps worrying me. Now for some reason my own mom has a problem seeing me happy. And that since I was little. I am 32 now and it shouldn't really bother me but I a few months ago, I met a really decent man and quite frankly nobody has ever been as nice, loving and caring as he is to me ever. Now, I wouldn't be bothered at all about my mum if it wasn't for the fact that my boyfriend would like to meet her, he has introduced me to all of his family and I have to say, that was a real treat, they were all getting on nicely, teasing each other in a friendly way and discussing topics all over and without getting in arguments. Now, my mum hasn't even been interested in meeting him, but keeps making nasty comments to me and I was going to invite her over for dinner to get it over and done with but then last night she phoned and started all over again. He was too old for me, probably just wanted me just for sex and nothing else. Then she started going on about other things and it just cam out nasty and nastier, then she said how nasty I was to my ex and that he was such a lovely boy. I mean she obviously said the opposite when I was with him and I split up with him 2 years ago, why bring that back? She can't even tell me I look nice without saying something like "if you had bigger breasts it would certainly look better" or "don't walk along alone at night otherwise you might get taken for a prostitute." And I mean, I tend to dress quite smart, I never have a skirt shorter than 10cm over the knee and I don't wear low-cut tops. It's always been like that, I'm not sure why. Can somebody help me out?

Hi Ebrief!There could be many reasons why your mom acts the way she does. Possible Reasons: 1. She doesn’t want to see you happy because she may be unhappy. 2. Do you know how she was treated as a child? If she was treated harshly as a child, then she may be treating you that way because of what she was taught. 3.She has had bad experiences in life and is using you to lash out. 4.Are you anything like her? If you are, she may see herself in you and is nastier because of it. If you are not, she may not know how to relate to you except with her comments. Suggestions: Talk to her about it. See if you can get any answers. Have you tried to express to her what you think about her comments or ask her why she acts like she does? You will have to express to her that you appreciate her opinion, but you are serious about your relationship with your boyfriend, and if all she wants to do is be negative about it, then she doesn’t need to be around you when she wants to act nasty. The same goes with her comments about you. It is okay for her to give advice to you, but if she can’t be supportive in any way (she should at least respect who you are and your decisions, even though she may have a problem with it) then maybe you should re-evaluate the type of role you want your mother to play in your life (Do you think you need to increase/decrease your contact with her?). About inviting her over: Invite her over, and let her know before the dinner (and during the dinner, if necessary) that your boyfriend is a part of your life whether she likes it or not. If she has a comment, say “So what” or “I understand what you’re saying, but…” If her comments get really bad, let her know that what you decide is ultimately up to you, and she doesn’t need to make comments that hurt you and your boyfriend. At least you can say your boyfriend has met her. Any future meetings with her would depend on how well the dinner went. I hope I have been helpful. TILES

Hello Tiles!Thank your for your answer. My mus has had quite a nice childhood, she was cared for and loved. But you are right she is unhappy now. She got divorced some 24 years ago and hasn't had anybody in her life since. I mean not that nobody tried but she just scared them away. As for bad experiences, yes she was beaten by my genitor and I have forgiven her tons of things through that. As a child she used to beat me up really nastily even to the point of my passing out. But I always thought it wasn't her fault. But then I have an older and a younger brother and she never even touched them, she is lovely to them and especially the younger one can't understand it. To answer to your last question, no I'm not anything like her, I am independant and hardworking, I worked to pay my studies and I got myself a house, an old house that I'm redoing on my own. I've always made sure that I wasn't financially dependant on anybody. And I have tried telling her what I feel about the comments but she denies doing it, she says I'm making it all up. As for the role she plays, the only reason I have been keeping in touch is so she doesn't turn onto my little brother. I can't convince my boyfriend of it he keeps saying he is sure I'm exagerating.

Your boyfriend may have to see how your mom is to believe it. She should not take her unhappiness on you. What she does is her fault because she chooses to do it. She does not have to treat you badly.Sometimes it may just be one child in the family who is treated badly. Just know it is not your fault. She denies her treatment of you, but she knows what she is doing. It may be a girl thing. Tell her at the time she makes her nasty comments that you like how you are and what you are doing. The person you are now is great! TILES

Thanks you Tiles. I'll try and bear that in mind. Thanks for your support.

my parents want to ruin my relationship with a guy i really like. i am 19 and can take care of myself. what can i do.

I am a mom and I have a hard time understanding your "mum". When you meet someone "decent and loving and caring" then anyones mother should be "all about that".

Maybe your mum wants you to be her companion when she's old. You can't do that if you have a partner!

I wondered that as well actually, if it was a kind of way to try and keep me single cos then I would spend more time with her. The thing is I don't like spending time with her anyway. When I was young, my teachers thought I had to left feet, I was always black and blue. I could do whatever, I mean I came home with the best grades, did the housework, took care of my little bro. Never enough. She always found somthing. Nowadays, I wonder if she was trying to beat me into submission, which didn't work.