Broken marriage can it really be over

Hello.. I met my husband when I was 14 he was 19. We were together for 10 years before we got married. We have now been together for a total of 21 years and 5 kids later. During the first ten years of our relationship he did not take me serious he was not as commired to this relationship as I was maybe due to age idk. He cheated on me several times in which I took him back each time because I loved him so much . I looked past his flaws n gave him chance after chance. Around 8 years into the relationship 2 kids later he cheated again..this time it was different his family knew of this other girl .. he didn't come home he was with her .I had enough I kicked him out n we were apart for 12 MONTHS then he came back crying begging for another chance. Again I said let's work at it again n see whst happens for the next 2 years everything was great like he was a changed man. We got married n never again did I question him about cheating. Now we have 5 kids and 21 years all tog into this and I find myself in a situation feeling lost broken confused ..an emotional roll coaster. . The last 12 YEARS I just felt like we had emotionally disconnected. . He didn't show me the affectionate I wanted never told me I look nice etc it just became so routine everyday life. . I ended up I guess u can say getting emotionally attached to other people via text .. I was getting outside attention n it felt good at the time. I never cheated had sexually physical contact with anyone just hidden text messages. He found out due to bringing something up on me phone that was able to retrieve deleaked text messages for the life of the phone n now he is broken hurt n says he can't for give me je can't trust me .. even though I been through so much w him n gave him several chances he can't. He says because that was his past n when he put that ring on my finger he took our marriage serious. . I disrespected him it's difficult because we now married. He won't fight for me our marruage. He won't give me another chance. I'm 35 he is 41 we are 21 years invested in this n 5 kids .. I know I was wrong bit I don't feel its grounds for divorce or I'm this horrible perain because of it. . What's your insight on the situation? ?

I just don't get it understand how someone can be so unwilling to give someone another chance after all the chances I gave him... what I did is it considered cheating? Is an emotional affair the same or equal in marriage as a physical affair Do I feel this disconnect now later in life because I never got over his hurt he did to me or because I been w him forever n a day