Jealousy

I wrote this as though I was talking to him but I did include ()s to provide more information... Any advice on maybe how to go about it would be appreciated. Am I getting jealous for wrong reasons? What could it mean? Also this relationship is long-distance. "Ok, I will lay it all out and it’s just the addition of all these factors that has created my fear. Rebecca has been your friend for years – you’ve shared many memories and you are good friends. You have many photos of her and still take lots of snapchats with her among other females and males. You told me when Rebecca picked you up from that airport and after you told her about the issue you had with me, she told you that, “I would do it again” and “you can’t trust her.” She doesn’t know me and she said that. At another point, you planned for us to go on a hiking trip with Kevin and Spencer. Rebecca was upset she wasn’t invited and particularly wanted you to invite her. You told me about how she got upset with you since you spoke about me so much. At one time you teased her about it and it made me feel that you liked making her jealous. You said that back in Jersey that it seemed I looked at Billy a lot but I was really looking at Rebecca and also noticing that you were looking at her as well. You created a group chat with Rebecca, myself, and yourself and said Rebecca has something to tell me. And then you left the group. I asked you if you ever were attracted to Rebecca and one occasion you said, “look at the size difference” (she’s on the bigger side while he is shorter and leaner) which just avoided the question and on the next occasion you said, “I was never really attracted to her.” The day after Rebecca and Billy broke up, I skyped you and you were at her house. But there was another girl there but it still felt strange. Rebecca is moving into your house. Because she was the only option. (there are also other guys at the house, all college students). Rebecca’s history of sleeping around with guys and your history of getting blacked out drunk – the combination is bad. Whenever I told you about my jealousy, I felt that you were not bothered. And also that you are not jealous of me since you trust me?… but yet have issues with my past (I haven’t been single in a while, and I had wanted to be but then I dated one guy for about a month and then met the guy I am dating now and it was then that I gained the most feelings I have ever had with any guy and he has told me on multiple occasions his strong feelings for me, he just is nervous about my past.) The feeling I have right now is that same feeling I had when I knew Lily (My best friend) liked Andrew (Who I liked) but refused to tell me. Maybe I am just recalling the past and seeing it now when it’s not there. Maybe you are wanting to deny your feelings. Maybe she likes you and you just don’t have those feelings for her but like the attention. Maybe you used to like her but you no longer do. Maybe I am just getting jealous."

LDRs are extremely difficult to maintain even for the most dedicated couples. Yours is not likely to survive if your BF constantly contributes to your fears and insecurity with his actions. Regardless that your BF has problems with alcohol, you need to step back from your relationship from him and look at it from a different angle by asking yourself what you are getting out of it besides jealousy. Is he making you(or even attempting to make you)his number one priority? You basically need to use the energy and the emotion of trying to maintain a relationship with this guy and divert into something with someone else where you will be appreciated and respected as you would expect.

I need to correct myself when I saw black out drunk I was exaggerating. Its seldom but occasioning he doesn't remember certain details. He also does spend a lot of time with me via text and skype. Everyday we text and skype each other. Is the reasoning for my jealousy about Rebecca with good reason?

Yes and no. If he preferred Rebecca to you, when she's offering herself on a plate (constantly, by the sounds of it - her bid to try to compete with you using him as the trophy, I'm betting), then he'd be with her. He's not (actions), he's with you (actions). However, he IS "treating you [a little] mean to keep you keen" by - as Manalone states - slightly *encouraging* your jealous reactions by telling you this/that/the other ('just' being honest) as opposed to more chivalrously keeping this useless information to himself and off your radar. He says, he says, he says. Blah, blah, blah. His actions say one thing: he thinks he's not quite worthy of a catch like you and therefore needs all the help he can get...via your ego, mainly. He's the insecure and jealous one. Berbom. Your choices are: [a] Don't rise to the bait (ignore, ignore, ignore, play dumb, pretend you haven't heard/aren't listening). [b] Tell him outright, to his face, that if he doesn't cut out that emotional manipulations nonsense you'll have to review the entire relationship in respect of whether it's good for you/whether he has the requisite lover-type loyalty to put this woman 100% in her rightful place so that, no matter how subtly, she never tries it on again (and he can no longer 'helpfully' quote her/recount incidents involving her). [c] Fois gras him with attention until he ceases jumping at 'other men' shadows and trying to even the pride playing field.