Childhood sweet hearts once now heartbroken!!

Hi there all,I hope someone can help me understand my feelings? Why after 28 years with my partner whom we have two adult children,do I still love him sooo soo much after all the greif he has caused me!! We have decided to separate and we both agree we have argued and argued too much over the last few years that we have both had enough. We finally cracked in December just gone and we said thats it we are done,but while we continued to live in the same house and try to figure out what to do. I then find out hes chatting to a girl online and it starts to get serious,tho she lives in another country,amyway I snap him and he of course denies denies and denies everything,anyway at this same time hes quit his job and is sitting on his lazy backside at home and unbeknown to me at the time he was happily chatting to the girl while Im at work keeping the house afloat. So anyway he tells me its over with her and he still wants to leave,I say to him thats ok cause I know I deserve better than this crap!! He finally gets a job and tells me he needs to sort his self out and then move to this town where he is working which an hours drive away from here and obviously its costing lots of moolah in travel alone,I agree as I know the costs are high,but in the mean time Im still paying for everything ti still keep the damn house afloat!!! I KNOW RIGHT I say to him you know you need to give me some damn money for living here,He manages to go drinking and gambling but cant help me out!!!! I bet you are all thinking that this girl writing this need her head read aye,most of you in my situation would have turfed his a** out weeks ago. But Im too soft.I know I deserve better,Im depressed abit to I think,Im scared of the unknown too as I have been with him since my early teens Im HEARTBROKEN still,I am going to move on but why the hell do I still love him so much,I dont know how he feels because he wont talk to me about it,he closes down on the subject.He has a drinking/gambling and porn addiction and Ive told him he needs to sort it out,Im sort of hoping that he falls flat on his face when he finally moves out as over the years I have been the one who keeps things running I have also been very independant and capable financially with out him too. He lied about so much and it hurt me alot he lied when he said it was over with this girl but its definately over now as I found out through my detective work and snooping that she has blocked any contact with him as he became obsessive. Ive told him to leave this weekend and that if he doesnt I am going to have the police remove him as I know it could get violent. Ive got to look after myself now.!!! But all I think about is him moving on and finding someone else,its soo bad these feelings its making the blood in my veins boil its crazy!!! But if anyone can help me understand this stupid way I feel and maybe some of you have similar stories I would love to hear from you.