Do I like fighting physically with my mom??! How to fix help

Okay, so it was over something extremely stupid, and all my fault.So it began with yelling then she tried to throw away my stuff. When she does that, it irritates me and I wanted to show her what would happen if she did that to me. The fighting began in my room. She grabbed my arms and dug her nails into me and threw me onto the bed. My instincts saw opportunity and I reached up and kicked her in the stomach, making sure it was below the chest and not hard because i didn't want to do serious damage. My dad is a wimp, and he came in to block the fight. TO me, hes just a useless wall that I have to keep pushing out of the way. ANyway, after that i hid into my room. The scratches on my arms hurt and are bleeding fiercely. We were supposed to go to the movies today and i ruined it.I have a swim meet tomorrow and the scratches will still sting and my mom hates me. I just have a huge temper at tiny things and then it just blows over, but my mom is the kind of person that reacts badly to it and also has a temper, so we don't clash well. I am on a swim team, and my arms and legs are strong. Usually, we twist around and grab eachothers arms, then she pushes me down. Last time, I saw opportunity to kick her and end the fight, but something in me didn't want to so i let her twist me onto the ground and my opportunity passed. BUt this time I kicked her because she was scratching me really hard. She has stronger arm power (more meat on her arms, cause I am just a kid) but I can beat her if I kick her, although i don't dare to kick her hard. I'm stinging right now, physically and emotionally. I'm pretty sure i have anger managements but what can i do about it my moms gonna tell all my friends im going into middle school and all my friends wont like me if they know who i really am-a blithering, stupid brat I have a swim meet tomorrow and if shes still mad it will be horrible and she will tell everyone help, my scratches will still hurt tomorrow for the swim meet in the morning I don't know what to help i don't know i'm just stuck in my room crying and wishing i could be at the movies with my mom and olderbrother and friends right now. She's going to tell everyone at the movie she wont listen to anythign i say or do this has been happening since i was a toddler and she is sick of it i want to stop but i just overreact and mess everything up for everyone She loves my brother hes stupid, acts like a 4 yr old and cheats all the time and she pampers him even if we've made up, he's 13 and still watches winne the pooh, i think its stupid but my mom doesnt care, he's a walking angel to her, she only hates me and everything i do because of my temper I'm so screwed because of myself helpp please i need to fix this

hi!I felt so sorry for what happened between you and mom.. i just wanna let you know that you made a good point on still respecting her for she is your mom... is she having issues with you?? i smell favoritism going on... but uhm, there's a problem with your mom. not yours... i tell you what, go on with your swimming... if somebody will ask you why you have so many scratches, tell them it's because of your mom.... dont be afraid to tell them the truth.... if your mom finds out that you told somebody about what happened, it's not bad for you to leave the house at all.. i bet you have friends who can give you shelter for a little while... hope i helped.. but if you want to add something or ask me something. just email me :) [e-mail address removed]

Well today i just saw her taking pictures of the cuts because during the fight i also inflicted damage on her too, so that is also my fault. It's not really child abuse, because she gave me everything i need everyday, expects good grades and is making me do a swim team. But i have had a horrible attitude since i was a toddler and now it's kind of dying down but my mom has gone through years of dealing with this (see who's that bad guy now,it's ME.) and now shes just kind of getting tired of it. I'm curbing my temper now, and i'm helping out all she could but i think i'm already too late. When I was younger I used to scratch her all the time. I would do ANYTHING to go back to the past and not have yelled at my mom. To have not scratched her. To curb my temper just ONCE and forgive her and actually accept the hugs. She has scars from it and i'm the abusive one. I'm trying now but its too too too late because now she doesn't trust me. Usually i wouldn't listen to her when she says for me to do my piano and she would get fed up because i was playing on the chrome book and then we would both tug on it and then she would grab my arm but not scratch and i would scratch her while i grab her arm. I went to the swim meet today and the cuts stung like crazy after every one of my swimming events (the pool was chlorine and salt water). My mom said this was what she had to go through and i didn't say anything back because it was true Now she's probably the bad guy, but i'm the one who started it and made her this way. I look at myself in the mirror and don't know exactly who i am, if i'm the good guy or if i'm the bad one who ruins my family's lives. Does she still love me or is she just taking care of me because she has to? What is she going to do with those pictures? Now you know the whole story, and why it's all my fault. Before she was kind and nice, but now she hates me and spoils my brother so much. She made me quit piano and is giving it to my brother again, who hates it as well and quit it by himself. I don't know why, because she says I hate it too, and she promised me to start up my flute lessons again in the spring and its already summer. I reminded her yesterday and I have a bunch of solid reasons and she forgot about it in 2 minutes and began asking my brother in a sweet voice to please do piano. So i basically made the whole family that way, huh? Its all my fault, so what do i do? I'm doing everything i can to show her i'm sorry. Please answer the questions above too. 1.does she really hate me and 2.is it all my fault now and am i a bad person 3.Whats she going to do with the pictures??

It's clear to me now... So it was you who had a problem and now that you're sorry, your mom gave you second thoughts or nothing at all? Dear, was there a deeper reason why you are being like that??? Because I believe you cannot do such things if there's none. Anyway, just bare in mind that whatever happens, a mother will always love her children, just give her some time. Continue showing her your affection and all just to have her forgiveness. This situation tests your patience and courage. Don't worry, mom will always love you no matter what. Since you also reflected that it's your fault after all, then I hope you will not do it again (what i mean, is your abusive behavior) Your mom doesn't hate you. She hates what you did or do and that is something I know you can still change. You are not a bad person, my dear.. If you are, then asking for help here might not be on the top of your list. With those pictures, I have no idea. But yeah let us not over think things... everything will be fine.. Just continue what you are doing right now. She may be hard this time but her heart feels. Maybe that is also her way of disciplining you.. Keep me posted!

I found out today...she is showing the pictures to all my friends and telling them about me. This is bad timing, because i will be going into middle school soon, and i may be friendless by then..she has already showed all my closest friends. Well i guess what perked my abusive behavior was... SO when i was younger, i was really shy (im getting out of it now) but this girl would keep on bossing me around. And i couldn't say anything back. For instance, one time, while they were playing games, I would be outside the room looking at books for the whole play date because she wouldn't let me play or go inside the room. SOmetimes, they would push me too. Then, since i was more comfortable at home, I would take it out on my family of how i felt in actions. I'm just guessing that eventually built my behavior to a controlling, stubborn person at home and a nice friend to other people. But now what do i tell my friends?!! They all know and my mom says she's going to make sure she tells every one of them.