26 weeks pregnant and not ready to call it quits
LREDFERN6032 - Oct 4 2016 at 23:28
My husband and I have been married for four months after being together for three and a half years. Three weeks before our wedding this past June we found out that we were pregnant. We had a perfect beach wedding and an amazing two week honeymoon. Once we got home I started a new job and had a little bit of a mental breakdown due to all the sudden life changes (I had been out of work for five months prior to the wedding), but I immediately got myself into therapy and in less than two weeks was able to turn my attitude completely around. My husband was 100% supportive through everything.
Then about six weeks ago his supervisor job was cut and he was forced to take a demotion with much lower pay. I tried encouraging him to apply elsewhere but he refused claiming that his benefits are better than mine and that with the baby coming we needed them. We agreed that it would be a good idea for him to stay at his current job and that he would just work overtime to make up the difference in the wage loss that he took. Two weeks go by and not only did he not work any OT (I work a salary job and I'm not allowed to work OT) but he went and bought a PlayStation 4 without consulting me while our rent was overdue. I completely lost it and reamed into him for putting his own interests before the baby's. He apologized and agreed to return it.
Then the next day he tells me that he doesn't think we're financially stable enough to raise a child and that he wants to put our son up for adoption. This was completely out of character for him since he is adopted himself. Of course I started crying because I don't want to lose my son, and I told him that I wasn't agreeing to do that. Things were tense after that and a few days later he tells me he thinks he wants to separate for awhile. I asked him why and he told me that he felt very disrespected by the way I spoke to him after he bought the PlayStation. I apologized and got us into therapy and to make a long story short I have been spending the last month Ubering on top of my full time job for us to have extra money on top of going out of my way to do extra nice things for him to try and save our marriage.
Nothing seems to work, in fact it just seems to get worse. He doesn't want to spend any time with me, prefers to be at his parents and continues spending money frivolously. Our marriage counselor had us follow a five week plan to build back affection and intimacy. Halfway through the first week he informs me that he can't do it anymore and that he's going to stay with his parents. Meanwhile I'm having health issues with my pregnancy due to all the stress, and that doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to him at all. Over the last week he says that he wants to work through things but he just can't get happy with me.
I'm frustrated because in three and a half years he was extremely happy, but wants to run now that things are getting tough. He wants to put in a 30 day notice to our apartment to terminate the lease early (which the lease clearly states cannot be done until the one year we agreed to is up). I'm tired of his indecisiveness when it comes to working through our issues. He tells me that he loves me and cares about me but doesn't know how to fix it. He rejects everything our marriage counselor tells us to do. I don't want my son to have to grow up in a broken home. And I'm torn as to whether to stick it out and hope he snaps out of this funk that he's in or to say enough is enough and cal it quits. The thought of ending our marriage makes me sick to my stomach and I'm miserable without him. We have three and a half years of wonderful happy memories, and I start bawling my eyes out whenever I come into contact with something that reminds me of him. I can't even get through a work day without crying. I cannot figure out how to function without him, and being 26 weeks pregnant makes it worse.
Can anyone please lend me some advice here?
LREDFERN6032 it's unfortunate that things have been taken a turn for the worse in your situation. You're the mother of the child and it's your decision to keep him or her and he your husband is going to have to accept that and act responsibly. If he doesn't act responsibly the laws or court system will make him be responsible. Dead beat parent laws
Sorry I couldn't be more help
Wow that's horrid,
I could not imagine how draining this is for u,
As horrible and as harsh as this may come across I think u need to leave him, it will be hard and at times u may regret it, but I also believe that the love u will have for ur baby will pull u through,
Having a baby is hard and it's more of a strain on any relationship so to try and make something that his clearly already pushing away from better will be far more challenging.
I know a marriage is forever so maybe a short separation will pull his head back into line, but u really need to put u and the baby first.
I really do hope things can work out for u, but I think u need to prepare urself for rainy days.