Ex wife at family occasions

My husband has been married before and has children. Last year one of them got married and his ex wife made the whole day very difficult for us. She carried on like she was still married to my husband and I was just airbrushed out of the whole scene. She had also lied to my husband about things to do with wedding arrangements (financial). Now we are facing a family christening followed by a party. My husband has said to me point blank that he wont go to anything where she will be. He wants us to make up another commitment for the day. I don't think this is right. I think he should either be honest with his children about his feelings, or that we should go. He is very stubborn and I know this will cause issues. I really don't know how to handle this. I have a lovely relationship with his child and their partner, and their new baby is gorgeous. His ex wife is smarmy nice to me but plays the

Hello Respectfully, I do see his point. Sounds like he will do anything to avoid her & he has clearly had enough of her bs. However, why should you guys have to skip out on family gatherings & miss special events such as a christening? I think you should attend for that reason. As a married couple, you need to show a united front towards her. That means when she tries to exclude you or minimise your place in his life, he must be firm with her & not allow it to happen. The same goes with you, respond to her like 'As his wife, I think..." or something similar. Throw it right back at her, all your doing speaking the truth after all! I think if a confrontation is avoided to 'keep the peace', she wins at her game. You & your husband need to take back the power but remain gracious about it (using a firm tone in your voices rather than shouting for example).