I'd like some advice... any help or questions is appreciated

Its been two days since I last contacted her. She didn't reply so I haven't since. I added nine more cuts last night. That's brings the total up to 38. It's now 1 o clock in the morning and I'm feeling pretty good. Obviously I still feel like pure shit but compared to the last few weeks it's an improvement. I'm not gonna cut tonight. Just finished up with farming simulator. Stops me thinking cause I have to concentrate so much. And it makes me tired so when I turn everything off I don't have time to think about her I just go asleep. The cuts aren't helping all that much either. All my blades are blunt so there barely scratches even though I've been fucking burying them into my leg. The first night which was four nights ago I got a few nice ones. Night after I used what looked like a sharper blade. It wasn't and when I tried the better one again last night I couldn't figure out if it actually was the better one. I love staring at them and just imagining her face if she saw them and just screaming at her saying it's all her fault. Not like she'd care she'd probably just laugh and then go find some random cunt and ride him in a ditch. I just find myself thinking and wondering if I'll ever be able to trust anyone again. It was hard enough to trust her in the first place. Then she just fucking transformed. I thought she was amazing and then it all went down hill in like a day. How am I ever supposed to trust anyone now. She just exploded and nothing only bad came out. I just don't understand how someone could act like they cared for a full year and then boom. Then again thinking of it now she didn't care. I see that. She didn't love me. I mean I never seen someone in love with someone else just bending their fingers back until one of them comes out of place. Grinning evilly into my eyes she's just bend them and bend them. She stopped of course but too late one time. My finger came out but she didn't even notice. Best part of it is when she'd do this or slap me or pinch me or whatever it was she'd get mad if I didn't act like nothing happened. It was almost like she wanted a reward for being a bitch. And then comes the sex. If we weren't having sex I was pleasuring her. She would cum multiple times between 3 and 10 times every time. I never complained because of course I enjoyed it. Because that's what I'm meant to do. Whether I was making her cum with my mouth or with my fingers or with my own dick or just with the little green tube I had. I always enjoyed it and of course so did she because in fairness she's getting pleasured. But when it came to me she only complained. She complained how long it took me to cum. Honestly she wasn't great at given handjobs and she never blew me or played with my balls or anything either. Always repetitive and I didn't enjoy it much cause she just complained. I usually had to finish myself while she watched and then of course it was her turn for an hour plus of pleasure. I did enjoy the sex because I always did the work which meant I could pleasure her and myself at the same time. Hit the right spots and all. Anal was the best simply because it takes a lot of work to get going without causing pain to her and then it's just amazing. And she absolutely loved it. But she knew if I wanted I could make her cum in seconds. But I didn't cause I knew how much she enjoyed it and that made me enjoy it all the more. She wasn't mature though either. Like if I had gone down on her and then entered her and came up for some making out while we were doing it she wouldn't join lips with me. Like it was gonna kill her. I eventually gave up trying. She literally acted like children do with cooties. And she didn't like fingering herself or playing with her clit or anything like that at all. She claimed it was disgusting even though when she did it a few times she moaned and when she'd cum she wouldn't stop. It's hard to think of all this and not want her. I want her every second. I miss her soft gently hands, and her beautiful brown eyes, her luscious pink lips, her curly red hair, her big perky boobs, her cute little ears, her tiny odd socked feet, her firm round bum, and the little birthmark on the dimples in the small of her back. I miss it all every single second. But I know who she is now and I know I'm better off not with her. And if she turned up at my door step and offered it all to me I'm proud that I'd tell her to shove it. Because she's put me through absolute hell. And I'm finished. God I have a million more things to say. But I need a fag and I wanna watch a video on YouTube. So I guess that's it's for now. I don't know if I'm gonna keep doing this. Depends if it helps. Also sorry about the terrible grammar and punctuation. I'm from Ireland and I left school. And sorry about the swearing and sexuality. If you get offended I will try not to include it in the future just tell me. If anybody has any questions or advice or suggestions or anything at all the want to say or if somebody is in a similar situation. Feel free to say so. I'd like to know that even one person might be interested in my life. Not even sure how this thing works if I'm honest. But anyway. That'll do for the moment. Thanks for reading.

Greetings Relative Ninja. Well, at first I was not going to respond to this thread since I don't really get or understand cutting, and I felt like maybe other people could provide better input on that part of things. But I'm glad I decided to have a read of things just now because it seems like you got that part mostly under control for now and are dealing more with feelings and hurt. I find your thread to be fairly relatable, so I'll try to provide you with some sort of feedback. So the first thing is, I noticed something while I was reading your second paragraph, about people suddenly changing. And I realize that is something anyone can do - even me, even you. I know it sucks when things were going well but now they stopped. But maybe she realized she didn't want whatever you had and it wasn't working out. Maybe, as your lack of contentedness with the sex might suggest, she realized you weren't right for each other and didn't want to waste anymore of anyone's time? It's possible she is one of these women that just kind of exercise their feminist rights and sleep with you and then ignore you. But you know what? Joke's on her if that's the case, because you still got to bang her. That happened, and you got some good times out of the mess. And now you can go look for other women to potentially bang. The silver lining is good! I have limited experience, to recount from, but I can tell you I've been with women who talked to me and slept with me for a while but now act like we never talked, and I've been with a woman who acted like it was a big chore to please me much of the time. A lot of these modern feminists act like they want equality, but actually just want women to have more rights than men. One girl I dated for a few weeks, I had some pretty good sex with her. She was the prettiest girl I'd ever been with, and she got multiple orgasms like all of the time I guess. But she was completely batshit crazy. And she saw no problem with a woman sleeping with different guys, but thought a guy should be committed if he was in a relationship. My ex wasn't too much better off - she was open to the idea of swinging, but wanted to start sleeping with other dudes and put me sleeping with other girls on delay. I basically said forget it. Girls like that are really just looking to use others and fight for more inequality. They will never compromise with a partner because they want control over men. I understand what you're saying, about it being difficult to get over her. But you will. I think you will never really be able to forget or forgive women for their slights against you over the years though - those will just continue to build up behind the scenes. Women you date, and women who turn you down for petty reasons. But hey, at least everyone dies in the end so you can get some comfort out of that thought. You and I don't have to deal with this bs forever, and these women won't live forever. These women will start paying sooner than that, actually. They won't have their youth forever. And they won't be without children forever. Women want control - but Time has control over us all, and if they waste too much of it then they'll be left single and looking for bachelors well into their cougar years. And who will want them then, when they've banged 50+ guys, have kids to different men, and don't look nearly as enticing as they once did? They won't for damn sure be worried at that point about whether the guy is tall, or whether he has a big dick, or whether he has tattoos and makes lots of money at his work. They won't worry about finding someone who checks off all of the marks on their picky-as-f*ck checklists. No, then THEY will have to settle for US. And we will be much more picky about them by that point. And by then, god willing, we will have met much prettier women who are much better matches for us! What you've gotta do... Just kind of let go. It's a lot easier when you realize how incredibly shallow she is and how she is probably already screwing some other guy who she will have some short-lived thing with. In the meantime, maybe think about meeting someone with much more lasting presence, and not just another lousy tramp. Stay away from women who are too political, since they'll let bullshit dictate their lives. I'd also avoid women with daddy issues. If you feel like she is going to try to be the 'man' in the relationship and control everything, run like hell. If she seems immature, she is, and will probably not stick around. If you're not ready to settle down, then suck it up and just look for more shallow attractive women to bang - maybe cross some things off of your bucket-list while you're at it? I know that is easier said than done though. If you'd like to talk some more about your situation then let me know. Hopefully my advice helps you asses your situation and come out feeling a bit stronger.

I have to honestly say that is a phenomenal response. I want to thank you because it seems like it took a while to write that. A little bit more information you may like to know is. I am 17. I was with this particular girl for a year and two months. She was my second sexual partner (first one was at age fourteen) although the first partner I had sex with. So i did think she was the one or whatever. But I was wrong and wasted my virginity on her. But now I am done for a good while with relationships because although I am very mature I'm just too young for commitment. I'm gonna live for a bit and get laid a bit too. Experience some new positions cause I only tried a maximum of five or six sex positions with her. Also gonna maybe give a shot at some gay stuff. Only small things. But anyway I sincerely appreciate you're response and it genuinely helped me a lot. Not to be assuming but I'm pretty sure your a dude. But thanks anyway bro. Good karma will come your way