Our life

I got married to a girl I was in a relationship for 5 years. its been nearly 2 years after marriage now. Now she thinks I am not smart and doesn't want to go out with me for any social events where her/my friends are involved. Well, one reason is that I have a minor hearing loss, which she already knew before our relationship. She thinks my hearing loss has increased now. I feel she is very ashamed of being with me in front of others. Should she feel embaraased or ashamed because, I can't understand discussions properly? No one - my colleagues or friends - know yet that I have this problem. May be they might have noticed once/twice that I ask to repeat what they say. I am OK with my hearing loss. I have lived through out my life with it. But what really hurts is my wife's behaviour to me. She always say now, that she doesn't want to go out to meet friends/social gatherings with me. That statement really make me feel bad. We are now quarelling too alot now. Either she do something or mostly I do something. All together, I am confused of what I should do next? I told her if she wants she can divorce, which I don't really want if she can live with it.

Probably a silly question, but have you sought help for your hearing problem, or have you got a hearing aid but the problem still exists in social situations due to background noise?

Yes. I did. 8 months ago i consulted a doctor. She doesn't want hearing aid to be seen by others (i also prefer this). But there wasn't any invisible type matching my need. We went to see another doctor later and again couldn't find an invisible type which will serve me. SHe is much sadder now. I don't seem to be affected by knowing that I can't wearn an invisible hearing aid. But she is so down now.

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm sure that your quality of life would be much improved by having a hearing aid - whether it is transparent / invisible or not. You should not be pressured by what your wife thinks - you've gotta do what is right for you, not just now, but long term. Actually, if you look around, you will start to realise that lots of people are out in public with hearing assistance - both young and old. And the things people often make fun of, go un-noticed by the vast majority of the population - think about all the people who have had surgery, like breast removal, and prosthetic limbs... when you think about how drastic some of these changes are, a hearing aid is just like someone wearing glasses. You've got to do what you want to do, and I can tell you now, that the hearing thing might just be scratching the surface of what isn't working in your relationship. Since it is something that she knows you're aware of as an issue, it's an easy target / reason to blame your issues on. If she loves you, really loves you, hearing problems don't get in the way of love. Don't know whether you got married in the traditional way, but the wedding vows I read were a commitment to stick with my Mrs through thick and thin... 'in sickness, and in health'... simple really. I doubt whether hearing difficulties and associated problems in social situations are the true basis for proceeding with divorce? Start to find out what she is really down about, and then you can start to take corrective action for both your sake. If you really love her, and can't afford to lose her, then you must do everything you can to find out the full picture. Without this, you will always blame yourself, and the issue might not be caused directly by you.