PeoplesProblems Logo

Husband's friend still living with us...

Default profile image
Housing advice My husband and I just got married in early November 2019. We bought a house in April of 2019 and were fixing it up every day until recently when we finally completed all the larger projects.

At the end of October 2019, about a week or two before our wedding, my now husband's best man, who he has been good friends with since they were 5 years old, calls him to meet up because he has some important news to share. They meet up for dinner one night and his friend tells him that his wife asked for a divorce. They had only been married for 3 years but their marriage had always been rocky from the start. He told my husband that it was because she was seeing someone else and that she asked him to be roommates until they figured out the house situation since they were both on the mortgage. Well the friend grabbed his things and left. He went to live with another friend for about a week or so.

Now, because we have a few extra rooms in our house and because we were about to go on our honeymoon after the wedding, we decided to let him stay at our house and watch the cats. We would be gone for about 2 weeks. We said we would talk about what he planned to do when we got back from our honeymoon. We went on our honeymoon and everything was great. We came back to our house and everything was ok.

We waited about a week or so after we got back and talked to the friend about what he had thought about while we were gone. He was thankful for the opportunity that we gave him to have the house to himself and asked if it was ok if he stayed for a little while to sort things out. That he would contribute to rent and groceries and such. I said that was fine but my limit was 3 months as we had just gotten married and would eventually want more privacy. My husband said that he was ok with it for 6 months but no longer of course. So we agreed on him leaving between 3-6 months from early November.

The first month and a half he was respectful and cleaned up after himself mostly. But, then we're not sure what happened exactly, but he started demanding more time with us and not giving us much time to be alone. He also stopped helping out as much with cleaning and would only do partial cleanup after himself.

What really bothered me the most was when I decided to quit my job because of how stressed out it was making me and he started telling other friends about it and saying that we were using him essentially to help cover while I made a career change. Sure his rent contribution helped give us peace of mind but it wasn't our main source of income. My husband also works and we had a good portion of money set aside to help us. I also was looking for work months before and actually found a new job within a few weeks of giving notice at my job. I was only out of work for 2 weeks over the holidays.

This whole thing made me uneasy in believing him when he said that his soon to be ex-wife was essentially cheating on him. Our other friends who knew her better said that she didn't do anything wrong and that he was spreading lies about her. It all got out of hand at that point. A lot of he said she said that we were getting pulled into that we didn't want to be involved in.

It will be 3 months soon and he has not made any efforts to find a new place to live. My husband asked him what his plan was and he said that he is looking for a job so he might need more time. This is not what we agreed on. 6 months was the max and I am at the point where I have reached my max.

I'm especially tired of sharing a space with him because he doesn't give us enough time to ourselves. Last night alone, I got back from work around 6pm or so and my husband was waiting for me so we could make dinner. We made dinner and then watched some shows and then went to our bedroom because my husband was tired. He actually ended up falling asleep around 8pm and I was just reading in bed. Our roommate got home a little after that and I could hear him in the living room. A few hours went by and I had to start getting ready to go to bed for work in the morning. I went down to take a shower and first thing he asks is "what are you guys up to up there? reading? napping?" I don't feel that it's any of his business what we do in our bedroom. I just told him we were hanging out in there and then went to take a shower.

I know he is going through a divorce and all but it's almost as if he forgot that we just got married and would like to have time to ourselves. I think I might need to set some time aside to talk to him as a group and ask him to please move out in a month or move to his parents because I'm over it. Am I being nonsensical here?

Husband's friend still living with us...

Default profile image
Yep, three's a crowd and your friend's actions are disrespectful and have bascially 'said' to you what he really thinks. You guys are newly weds and you don't need a third wheel hanging around. It's none of his business what you guys do whenever, just as it's none of your business concerning his divorce for whatever the reasons. It's his issue to sort, and by him being under your roof, you're unwittingly being dragged into it.

The sooner he leaves, the sooner you guys will be able to get on with being a newly wed couple.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0