My BF (now ex) said I wasn't good enough for him
After 3.5 years of my relationship with my BF (now ex) he exploded in anger yesterday afternoon and told me I wasn't a quality person and I wasn't good enough for him. It all started Friday when we had plans for him to come over and he cancelled saying he wasn't feeling well, but if he felt better, would I leave my back door unlocked so he could access the house (I live alone), and it was ok if I said no (this is all by text btw). I said no, bc I didn't want to leave my house vulnerable and since I live alone I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing it was unsecured. If I had a definite answer that my ex would be coming over, it wouldn't have been an issue, but he couldn't say if he was going to come over or not. Since he stated that it was ok for me to say no - I said no. All hell broke loose. I won't go into details, but I cried Friday night and all day Saturday. We were going to talk Saturday then he said he wasn't sure and I called him crying, so he came right over. He told me to talk first and get things off my mind. I did - but was immediately interrupted by him - I couldn't even state my case without him getting so offensive. Again - a lot of details regarding the convo I won't go in to but it got heated and he said I wasn't a quality person because I failed his test and then I said get the F out of my house. Was I wrong in not leaving the door unlocked? When I brought up the security issue and that I felt he put me in a bad position - especially since he said it was ok for me to say no - he just kept saying that nothing would've happened to me and I was crazy for thinking that something could have. Am I wrong here?
I know that I am good enough - that was the final straw for me in this relationship - but I guess I just need confirmation that I am right and he is wrong.
At the end of the day, if you know in your gut that you've done nothing wrong, then your BF doesn't get a look in with his criticism of your qualities. It's not so much about him giving you permission to say no, it's about him respecting your right to say no when it comes to your own home and your concerns about safety. Why wouldn't he want you to feel safe and be safe in your own home?? Why would he put you in that position in the first place??
As for his testing of you, after 3.5 years, you guys should each have a good understanding of where your relationship stands and where it's going. If you're not good enough for him, in his opinion, then take off and find that someone who will love and respect you for who you are and someone who shares your values and standards.
Thank you for replying. I couldn't understand where his anger was coming from, but truthfully, its not a new situation. I've been in this verbally abusive relationship too long and yesterday he gave me the strength I finally needed to disengage and I can finally be over him. My only regret is that I didn't do this sooner.
Thanks for your support.