Feeling like second best

My husband's brother (after many years of marriage) still to this day does not like me. I have no ill feelings toward his brother and never have. The brother recently became sick and had to have surgery. It was touch and go for a week. They thought he might die. He pulled through. We live in Illinois and brother lives in Florida. We decided to go see him. Husband called only to have his brother tell him that he could come but I was not welcome at the hospital or his house. His brother is like the black sheep of the family. His wife and children have always treated me with love and respect in all these years. First my husband tried to get his brother to change his mind so I could come. Second my husband tells his brother's wife "I love my brother and I love my wife and I don't want to put them together so we are not coming." My heart sank when I heard those words come out of his mouth. It always comes down to this. My husband can never tell his brother or anyone else in his family off. I always end up looking like the bad guy. I always feel like second best and his brother and other siblings will always be first on his list and in his heart. I wish he would just call them back and say something in my behalf. I feel so sad. Can anyone give me advise on how to deal with my husband? This has been the only thorn in my side after all these years of marriage!

I think you could try to have a heart to heart discussion with his brother, to somehow at least get a good explanation as for why he dislikes you so much. It seems to me nobody else has a problem with you but him, so if you can, try to figure out why it's like that, and see if he's willing to give you a chance. It's unfair to you and puts a strain on everyone by his irrational dislike of you. Your husband could still go see him without you, don't let him stop doing things just because his brother doesn't want you there. I'm happy that your husband stuck by your side as well, but we all know that he does not have to. You aren't the bad guy, perhaps your husband can talk to his brother about why he dislikes you so much and it has to be reasonable too. But only do this if you cannot get a chance to talk to him in person with your husband right next to you.

I understand where you're coming from. would like to chat with you more was just curious whether or not this was a good site to help with relationship problems.