I have become directionless

I'm 25 year old dude here. I made such a horrible and mistake that it ruined my life. Criticize me for my foolish behaviour as much as you can. Actually, I did not gave my 4th semester MA exam (in June 2022) just because I have some horrible symptoms. I told my parents a lie that my 4th semester exams hadn't happened yet. They will be extremely shocked if they come to know the truth. One day my lie will get exposed and I will be in huge trouble. I have mucormycosis like symptoms since mid April 2021 but did not tell anyone about it. I started to feel serious symptoms since July 2021. 30% of the time I feel miserable and panic due to symptoms. This is the main reason I gave my 3rd semester exam very horribly. Due to intense fear of getting failed, I did not wanted to see my 3rd semester result for a long time. I kept on delaying. I saw my result just few days before my 4th semester exam. How will my parents feel if I announce my exams just few days after announcing mt result? This is the main reason I did not tell them about my exams. I am very worried about my future. I feel like I will remain unemployed and won't get any job. Atleast I have a Bachelor of Arts degree. I studied Psychology and Anthropology in the last year of my BA program. I had English along with Psychology and Anthropology in 1st and 2nd year of BA. I have a very pathetic decision making. I still don't know where I am really good at.

Hi again Eryengesh, I'm sorry you're not getting any replies. Trouble is, I think all of our respondents suspect you're a Troll due to the fact you've been starting then abandoning and re-starting too many other threads on the one, same topic. Do you want a conversation with me?

Of course. I want to.

OMG, forgive me - I forgot to turn on bookmark so didn't get alerts! Go ahead, what (or which part) would you like to talk about first?

(I've turned it on, now, so it won't happen again...well, bar the usual, average delay periods of up to 3 days, that everyone has to suffer. But it's only ever a case of When I'll reply, not If.)

Should have added, however, that I will be checking-in daily for your replies all this week so as to make up for my above mistake (meh!...sorry again).

(Just bumping you up)

I have concerns regarding the career and I am unable to think which path should I follow. I want to get a job very soon. I don't know my talents and have no work experience. I ruined my opportunities by making that foolish mistake. I have a very poor decision making and cannot think future. I also have a habit of procrastination. I have already made mistakes in past.

"I have already made mistakes in past." The only people who don't make mistakes are the people who don't do anything!

By mistakes, I mean I have done very foolish things which impacted my career very negatively. The problem is that I am not on a right path. I don't want to remain unemployed.

Hey again, Eryengesh, Just bringing your above posts forward into this one (it's easier), starting with links and intro extracts to your *prior threads for re-cap purposes (should anyone else wish to read up and pitch in), and then I'll reply to your above response(s): (*And sincere apologises again that poster "Amie" turned verbally-abusve at you for no reason; none of us saw that coming...well, not to that degree or aimed at you, anyway; we thought if/when it came it would be in my direction, usually is. For starters - FYI everyone else who was here when it happened - her poster alias in French means '(Female) Friend Mask'.) But...not your problem any more, Eryengesh, and (although the odds are too low that'd it be you again) if anything like that happens again when I'm not logged-on, just click Support on the Green banner above to bring the pop-down menu and then choose/click Technical Support to generate an email to Richard and tell him you have another Troll on your thread. And if I *am* logged-in when it happens (or once I am) - God help them, that's all I can say.) *************************************************************************************************************************************************************** (In date order, first-to-most recent) Feb 22: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13380/How-do-i-tell-my-parents ("I'm a 24 year old dude. I'm in huge trouble related to my career as well as health. I made extremely foolish decision. I am having mucormycosis like symptoms since late April 2021 (caught due to covid-19). When I heard about this disease for the 1st time, it was already very progressed as it reached my eyes by that time. Two months later, it had reached my brain (around July 2021). I...") Feb 25: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13386/How-can-i-live-without-eyes ("I'm a 24 year old dude. I might be suffering from a disease (mucormycosis) which requires eyeball extraction and cranial surgery as well. My symptoms are exactly like Mucormycosis and I feel this infection has spread to my brain too. I have a bit blurry vision and there is a little dark discoloration around my orbit. I am having this disease since mid April 2021 and it has reached my b...") Mar 15. https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13401/How-do-i-stay-comfortable-with-death "I'm a 24 year old dude here. I am going to demand euthanasia. The problem is that it will be very hard for me to demand euthanasia in my country (India). I am fed up with my symptoms which are of mucormycosis. I know I have no treatment option for it. My eyes and brain will be removed if I seek medical attention. I haven't got my symptoms diagnosed yet but still it is clear sign of mu... Mar 26: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13409/Should-i-quit-my-life-and-become-a-hermit "Hi! I'm a 24 year old dude here (nearing 25). I have destroyed my career by quitting my master's degree before completing it. I made a very terrible and foolish mistake just because I felt extremely terrible symptoms. I still have Bachelor's degree (BA). I took Psychology and Anthropology in the final year of my Bachelor's program. I studied English, Anthropology and Psychology..."

This thread: 1. "I'm 25 year old dude here. I made such a horrible and mistake that it ruined my life. Criticize me for my foolish behaviour as much as you can. Actually, I did not gave my 4th semester MA exam (in June 2022) just because I have some horrible symptoms. I told my parents a lie that my 4th semester exams hadn't happened yet. They will be extremely shocked if they come to know the truth. One day my lie will get exposed and I will be in huge trouble. I have mucormycosis like symptoms since mid April 2021 but did not tell anyone about it. I started to feel serious symptoms since July 2021. 30% of the time I feel miserable and panic due to symptoms. This is the main reason I gave my 3rd semester exam very horribly. Due to intense fear of getting failed, I did not wanted to see my 3rd semester result for a long time. I kept on delaying. I saw my result just few days before my 4th semester exam. How will my parents feel if I announce my exams just few days after announcing mt result? This is the main reason I did not tell them about my exams. I am very worried about my future. I feel like I will remain unemployed and won't get any job. Atleast I have a Bachelor of Arts degree. I studied Psychology and Anthropology in the last year of my BA program. I had English along with Psychology and Anthropology in 1st and 2nd year of BA. I have a very pathetic decision making. I still don't know where I am really good at." ********** 2. "I have concerns regarding the career and I am unable to think which path should I follow. I want to get a job very soon. I don't know my talents and have no work experience. I ruined my opportunities by making that foolish mistake. I have a very poor decision making and cannot think future. I also have a habit of procrastination. I have already made mistakes in past." ********** 3. "By mistakes, I mean I have done very foolish things which impacted my career very negatively. The problem is that I am not on a right path. I don't want to remain unemployed." ***************************************** ‘Before you give up – think of all the reasons why you held on for so long’ - Anonymous. You've held on because you DO have skills - AND employable qualities, let's not forget those because they count the most in the working world, trust me! You've contradicted actual evidence with the worries and fears you've cited - to wit: "I have a Bachelor of Arts degree. I studied Psychology and Anthropology in the last year of my BA program. I had English along with Psychology and Anthropology in 1st and 2nd year of BA." How is that, no skills? So is holding on, a skill. Especially since 2021 aged only 24, 25! Oh, look - and another TWO skills I've spotted: "Criticize me for my foolish behaviour as much as you can." : Not in the least bit arrogant (unnatural) and, nor aggressive (natural for males your age). I get that you're under the effects of now-chronic anxiety thus are lower on Testosterone but anxiety and depression can't take you from arrogant and aggressive all the way to practically zero,...too chasmic for its effect to breach...meaning, your starting point was still, really nice, well-behaved, gentle guy (Gentleman). ...meaning, another skill: emotionally mature and self-controlled for your age. Plus, you're worried about how your parents will be affected and have been blaming yourself - so let's add above-average Conscientious; Morally Responsible; and Socially Responsible, for your young age. (Just to interject: you'd be FANTASTIC in a business where 'clients' are mainly female and vulnerable/traumatised, where the only type of man they don't mind being in the same room with are ones that are self-contained but gentle and empathetic (and with a very active imagination), even under fire (ref Aimee)! Also - you think company Interviewers/Hirers don't see into this sort of stuff? Hah, think again!) What else - let's see... You're hard on yourself/'your own worst critic' - you've got very high standards, a perfectionist. That incredible drive to NEVER make 'mistakes', to get everything important right first time (which normally you can do), in actual fact, although can hold you back in your personal life, can translate beautifully in many companies (as long as it's not to OCD-thinking proportions whereby you ditch the project work to start again from scratch). There are SO MANY work arenas wherein one can't risk or afford to get anything wrong the first time. I mean - do what?! Bosses LOVE Perfectionists, LOL - think about it! You really get your money's-worth! And there's this 'hugie': "30% of the time I feel miserable and panic due to symptoms." ONLY THIRTY PERCENT?! IN YOUR SITUATION?! What are you made of - Titanium? How strong are YOU? All of that and I could keep going! Obviously that doesn't mean you don't have a weak side (as can become Weaker under this level of duress) like every other two-sided, human coin, or that you aren't entitled to be. But your weak (clearly unbeknownst to you) is the level that most other full-grown adults can only ever DREAM of attaining! AND YOU'RE *ONLY* 25, GOOD GOD! And SO MANY of your agegroup are still suffering anxiety since Covid - STILL! You're not alone BY FAR. (Did you catch it, by the way?) QUESTION: At this point, I'd hazard a guess that both your parents have always worked and, that you're an only child. Correct? PS: When you feel miserable aka have a wobble, come on here. QUESTION: Does the anxiety give you any physical sensations, lately, like, a disturbing, disgustingly uncomfortable 'pain' under your chest/diaphrag, as if you've woken up to find you're about to go on the X-Factor stage, naked, in front of thousands, and sing (when you can't) or perform Magic (when you haven't a clue how)? Or an upset stomach/bowels? Or is it that solely your mind feels terrible? How many hours/days does a 'wave' last when it hits? " have a very pathetic decision making. I still don't know where I am really good at." 1. You made the decision (which takes mustering bravery when under-fire) to post on a predominantly grown-adult forum (- bit intimidating, I imagine?) and then actually posted. You 'felt the fear but did it anyway'. You should be too young and inexperienced to be able to do that(!). More to the point, however: I call that GREAT decision-making, actually! So what if there are decisions you logically CAN'T make yet (until we get things separated and in order so you can stop ruminating and just do it (Nike) - fear gone and WANTING to do it - maybe in tiny, little baby-steps at first, whatever's comfortable for you. 2. Hmm... I don't think so. You're too talented and multi-skilled for your age. I think your problem is actually that you don't know which area or industry to choose from because your choice is just too damned wide. Having too much choice can be as bad as not having any at all. (Any extreme tends to be unhealthy or problematic.) But this is typical with only children (I'll explain if you want?) (PS: I can help you at some point with finetuning and whittling down your menu - both whether you'll still be Sighted or not.) QUESTION: what would your dream job be (if you know yet; if not, your fantasy job)? "One day my lie will get exposed and I will be in huge trouble." QUESTION: And what does 'huge trouble' look and sound like? Is this what you FEAR or have you any sorts of past experiences of having talks with your parents as your basis?... ...I'm you and you're your parents (either individually or jointly), and I sit you both down and basically say, "Mum...Dad...I've got something super-important to tell you", and opened with 'I suspect I'm seriously ill; I've been trying to hide my head in the sand about it because it's too big for me to cope with, and really worried meanwhile that I had yet to tell you, but...(etc)' - NOT mentioning its knock-on consequence of having had an anxiety attack on exam day and putting your off your studies (and a lot else, I'm sure), etc., until the conversation LEADS (What Happened/Effected Next) to how this horrid situation and anxiety impacted on your life and Usual Self? So, first, just that opening two sentances. In your mind/memory - what do you reckon happens and gets said from there?

PS: "I mean I have done very foolish things which impacted my career very negatively." Me too! And thank God they did! I just didn't know they were good things at the time, not at first. People always assume that drastic changes should feel nice. Well....when DIDN'T Growing Pains hurt?....that really deep, nagging (for days) BONE-ache, ugh, sometimes so bad you couldnt' sleep... Why would people assume the mental version be any different? Beats me.

PPS: "I don't want to remain unemployed." HAHAHA! - NOT A CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING, SONNY JIM!

Happy Belated Birthday by the way :)