Am I being the bad friend?

I have a friend that I became super close with over the last two years. We were both there for each other when we needed someone. I consider her to be my best friend. But unfortunately, a couple of months ago she lost a family member suddenly. I tried my best to be there for her and always offered my support through messages. I felt that I did not want to be pushy and just show up when she has so much family around at the time. I did attend the funeral to show my support, but I just felt that I did not know what to do. like if I should have messaged more or just showed up at her house more. I really was not sure what to do as I did not want to overwhelm her. Well two weeks after the funeral, I got tickets for an event. She is always the first person I would invite to anything. So, I extended that invitation to her. She never said no or yes but I never pushed it or re asked. It was not brought up, so I invited someone else last minute. However, a few days later she went for a hike with a group of friends and even went to the same event with her boyfriend (the event lasts a few days). So, that bothered me a bit but rolled it off my shoulders and did not think of it further. Then at the beginning of the year I had purchased tickets to a concert. I asked if she wanted to go and buy one of the tickets, she said yes, and we were looking at hotels & flights. She was excited but then of course everything happened so we never finalized those plans. I was planning to drive and be in the area a couple weeks before the concert, so it was just her plans that were not finalized. So, I waited thinking maybe she would still come. But she never reached out to say that she would not come, and I also never asked her. I thought that if I asked, I did not want her to feel pressured or obligated. So, I just thought give it time, maybe she will come or let me know either way. And as the concert approached, she never mentioned it, so I just started to assume okay she is not coming. It was General admission tickets and too late to try to resell them. And I knew no one else in the city. So, I lost out on the cost of one ticket and attended the concert alone. So, my question is. Am I a bad friend for not reaching out enough? I guess my reasoning was that there were times that I did message, and it took her a few days to reply so I thought okay just sit back and give her time. And thought not to overwhelm her with my messages. If that makes sense haha. But am I also a bad friend for being slightly bummed and upset over the concert? She never even asked how it went. I mean I know she went through a lot in the last bit but then I still see her going here and there with other friends and her boyfriend. That I feel little hurt. I mean, I am probably overthinking it and taking it a bit more personally than I should be. But I am also trying to be understanding as I know its been hard on her and the fam.

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Just a Moderator's "bump" up to keep you top of the queue...

Hi again! "I have a friend that I became super close with over the last two years. We were both there for each other when we needed someone. I consider her to be my best friend." Well, I haven't read further than this yet, but, one thing I do know: friendships based on shared situations and circumstances don't tend to last nerly as long as those based on matching morals and principles. "But unfortunately, a couple of months ago she lost a family member suddenly. I tried my best to be there for her and always offered my support through messages. I felt that I did not want to be pushy and just show up when she has so much family around at the time. I did attend the funeral to show my support, but I just felt that I did not know what to do. like if I should have messaged more or just showed up at her house more. I really was not sure what to do as I did not want to overwhelm her." Common dilemma. Question 1: Which member? "Well two weeks after the funeral, I got tickets for an event." 2. What type of event? (Bit too soon, maybe. Depends on whether the person copes better with enough distractions/diversions.) "She is always the first person I would invite to anything. So, I extended that invitation to her." Fair enough. "She never said no or yes but I never pushed it or re asked." Fair enough. "It was not brought up, so I invited someone else last minute." Fair enough again. "However, a few days later she went for a hike with a group of friends and even went to the same event with her boyfriend (the event lasts a few days). So, that bothered me a bit but rolled it off my shoulders and did not think of it further." Ah. "Then at the beginning of the year I had purchased tickets to a concert. I asked if she wanted to go and buy one of the tickets, she said yes, and we were looking at hotels & flights. She was excited but then of course everything happened so we never finalized those plans." Understandably. "I was planning to drive and be in the area a couple weeks before the concert, so it was just her plans that were not finalized. So, I waited thinking maybe she would still come. But she never reached out to say that she would not come, and I also never asked her. I thought that if I asked, I did not want her to feel pressured or obligated. So, I just thought give it time, maybe she will come or let me know either way. And as the concert approached, she never mentioned it, so I just started to assume okay she is not coming." Again, that's natural. "It was General admission tickets and too late to try to resell them. And I knew no one else in the city. So, I lost out on the cost of one ticket and attended the concert alone." Oh. "So, my question is. Am I a bad friend for not reaching out enough?" No. More the opposite, I'd say. Thoughtful, respectful, considerate, gentle...clearly fun-loving (normally). "I guess my reasoning was that there were times that I did message, and it took her a few days to reply" Well, there she goes, then. You're not a mindreader? You gave her rope - out of respect and concern - and she basically semi-hung herself with it. However, she won't be herself right now - DEPENDING ON HOW CLOSE she and this relative had been, and for how long. "so I thought okay just sit back and give her time. And thought not to overwhelm her with my messages. If that makes sense haha. Perfect Sense. No,...you'e a GOOD friend. "But am I also a bad friend for being slightly bummed and upset over the concert? She never even asked how it went." Nope. Not when she did attend something else. But, really, you don't know whether the day of the concert was a bad Grief Day for her opposed to the group she did go out with. So the solution is to ask her (maybe by email?). (Oooh, noo, scary Confrontation time ;) "I mean I know she went through a lot in the last bit but then I still see her going here and there with other friends and her boyfriend. That I feel little hurt." 3. Where did you fit where this whichever-relative was concerned? "I mean, I am probably overthinking it and taking it a bit more personally than I should be. But I am also trying to be understanding as I know its been hard on her and the fam." Yup. Know the feeling. "In two minds" about it. Answer those questions for me (and add more if you can) and let's see if we can tell which and therefore what and how to do about it. :)

I've got to be honest, though - I don't like this, either: "However, a few days later she went for a hike with a group of friends and even went to the same event with her boyfriend (the event lasts a few days). So, that bothered me a bit but"... Maybe there WAS a reason, but - at least TELL you. I'm starting to suspect she'd received a lot of new or renewed attention, including being spoilt for choice over invitations.