I like my best friend's ex (and I think he likes me too)

I really like my best friend's ex. I've known him for about a year now and we've become good friends through his relationship with my best friend, Ally (fake name). Ally and Jake (fake name) dated for about six months, and through that time I was caught in the middle of it as a kind of mediator for both of them. They had some big communication issues and everyone around them always commented on how superficial the relationship seemed because of how little they acted like a couple. Both of them would go to me for advice about the other person and I would happily help, trying to make their relationship work. Despite this, they broke up about 3 months ago. In the time after their break up, me and Jake started to not talk as much because he was busy with school. Jake and I had a very 'frenemy' relationship. We bullied and teased each other a LOT but he'd always drive me and my friends home from school when we asked. I've always felt comfortable talking with him - especially about boy problems - despite how mean we act towards each other. Recently, in the past few weeks I've had a sudden realization that I seriously enjoy his company, and now that I've been thinking about it more, I really enjoyed his company even when him and Ally were dating. (I had a crush on him before Ally started dating him so I don't know if that contributes to this realization but I did not like him romantically at all when he was dating Ally). This past week or two, we've suddenly become closer again. A lot of people have been noticing our chemistry and I think it's kind of obvious I like him. Yesterday during our spare in school, we went on a walk together and ended up at a park near our school. We went on the swings together, sat on the pavement and had some really good conversations. I had never had a chance to talk to him so in depth before, so it was incredible to hear him being so open about his thoughts around me considering how much he pretends to dislike me. In that conversation, he told me about his cottage where there's kayaking and a pool and hot tub etc. and how he really wanted to invite a friend but he thought none of them would enjoy it. He brought this up to me about five-ten times before I finally got the feeling that he was hinting for me to ask if I could come. So I asked if I could come. We ended up agreeing on a date for me to drive up there with him and I'll be there for like half a day. I just feel like I can be myself around him, and I think he feels the same way because he only opens up to a few select friends of his. I also think he's acting more touchy but that could be me just being delusional. The thing is, I've brought up the fact that I like him to my best friend and she's supportive of it. She actually was the one who suggested we get together in the first place but I think now that me and Jake are actually getting closer, she's becoming a bit more hesitant to the idea. I can see her actively trying to talk to him more and being kind of flirty with him which I believe she's doing only because there's a real possibility of me and Jake getting together (she never acted flirty while they were dating so I just find it a bit odd now). I love Ally so much but I hate this competitive atmosphere that she's creating because I'm scared it'll create a rift between us if she ends up liking him again. There's only a few weeks of school left before summer which means Jake will be living further away so should I just confess to him now or wait or never do it? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AHHHH PLEASE HELP!!!!

Yeah this sounds pretty messy... Honestly, I think the best thing to do is to have an open and honest discussion with her about it. I think what's happening right now is that she simply isn't as moved on from him as she thought she was. I don't think you should hold yourself back from your feelings for him, but I think you should try and take how she feels into account since you *are* best friends and at least talk to her about it before making any action. So yeah you should probably talk to her about it soon lol

Hi Frittercat, You're young, so haven't yet accrued the real-life experiences and wisdom to know about the Female Code or work it out for yourself as plain commonsense and logic. So allow moi (my asterisks): https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-you-date-a-friends-ex/ "You never think anything could breakup you and your best friend, but you could be wrong. Everyone has unspoken rules or guidelines around what is and is not okay to do in their friendship, otherwise known as bro or girl code. These guidelines might be as harmless as not giving unsolicited advice to more serious deal breakers like not abandoning your intoxicated friend at a party. *****But one of the most famous and universally agreed upon deal breaker is this: never-ever date a friend’s ex.***** While we can all agree the ex-files is not territory we should be steering into, sometimes life happens and we fall for people unexpectedly. So, let’s say this is the case. You’ve fallen for your friend’s ex and your head is spinning with questions. Will dating this person hurt your friendship? Are you definitely feeling butterflies or is it something else? It’s not like you’re actively looking to date someone from the ex-files but perhaps the chemistry you share with this person is undeniable so, naturally, you are considering what might be considered the unthinkable. for bravery, for ensuing drama. Below are the top 5 questions to ask yourself before your date a friend’s ex. 1. Will It Make Your Friend Uncomfortable? Let’s face it, some relationships end messy making it extremely difficult to consider that person anything other than off limits. If your friend’s relationship was rocky to begin with, you might be asking a lot of them to be around that person again. Beyond mutual unhealthiness, was their relationship abusive? If so, there are two things you should seriously contemplate: Has the aggressor sought guidance: Have they received counseling from a counselor or other support group to change their behavior? Do you see evidence of lasting change? This could be triggering: Your friend may never feel comfortable being around them again. The emotional and mental effects of mistreatment resulting from an abusive relationship may linger long after the relationship has ended. Ideally, you won’t have to hide your new bae or your feelings for them from your friend so getting clear on their comfortability with your new relationship is paramount..." And it continues from there with these queries, considerations and explanations : 2. How Long Ago Did They Breakup? 3. Is Your Friend Over Their Ex? 4. Are They Doing It For The Right Reasons? 5. Are You Willing to Lose a Friend? The article basically echoes and goes deeper into everything AnonymousOverthinker said (nice one, and welcome!). I, personally, would never cross that line with a friend, whether a new or established friendship. From what I've observed, it tends not to end well, whereby you end up with no friend AND no boyfriend, thinking - 'and for WHAT?!'. In fact, even thinking about it is considered by many as betrayal enough. Also, I don't like his style. Verging on hostile and antagonistic with his 'only teasing, bantering' mouth while being seemingly kind in his actions to the point where you see an unignorable disconnect between the two, smacks to me of Negging and then, soon enough afterwards cancelling it out. Does he have a problem with simultaneously being forthright with his true feelings, verbally? Bit mixed messagey to me - don't you think? (What about you, Anon?). Potential Red Flag? That and the fact you say nothing regarding his own moral standing and however-much compunction against dating his ex's bestie, meaning, it appear he has none or you'd surely have ensured to mention it. Whereas, you definitely do. (Is he 'selling' it to you, going on repeatedly and trying too hard to persuade you round?) I don't like this bit, either: "He brought this up to me about five-ten times before I finally got the feeling that he was hinting for me to ask if I could come. So I asked if I could come." Tell him to put his Big Boy pants on and do it like a man, not a trembly, little, cowardly-custard who relates more to a WOMAN thus 'drops his hankie on the floor' in front of you FIVE OR TEN (ye gods!) times. Just bloody ask - spit it out, yeah, Fifi Trixibelle McFlighty. Is his ego that incredibly fragile that he can't just take a chance like other blokes and say, 'So does that sound like something you'd like to do - fancy joining?'. Or he setting up a Plausible Deniability situation for later ("WASN'T MEEEE?!...SHE INVITED HERSELF!"). Yeah?...are we starting to think more critically and skeptically yet? Seeing that he COULD be trying to make your friend feel threatened and jealous (he might share her most personal secrets/conversations for all you or she knows), to get HER to DO THE ASKING for them to try again (which would be called "Triangulation" in the context of a Romantic Relationship/Significant Other). And then what? He starts sharing YOUR most private inner life with HER? Sorry, don't want to rain on your parade but, especially these days, self-protecting your welfare has to take first place over anything or anyone. So let me ask you an important clue: who dumped whom? And why (if you were told)? And (yet another) - this bit: "he told me about his cottage where there's kayaking and a pool and hot tub etc. and how he really wanted to invite a friend but he thought none of them would enjoy it." Oh, yeah!.... Understandable they wouldn't....Sounds *dreadful*. Scuse sarcasm but, what a crock. What's wrong with 'It'd be really cool if you came-with?'. Or (additionally), what's he implying? He's asked everyone else before you and they said 'Ugh, NO?!', meaning, don't get TOO up yourself because you're just a number? MIXED MESSAGE AGAIN. Potential Red Flag regarding Coverts: Give with one hand while taking away with the other. A fave tactic. You may not have registered that on the conscious level, but trust me, that seed of doubt over your true value in his eyes would have taken root and grown into a problem (but only for you). Anyway, let us know your thoughts when you've had a read of that article (not lengthy) and see if it helps.