Mother is actively making my mental state worse with her catholicism

I'm lucky in that I leave for university in the UK this September, but still, she's honestly heightened my anxiety. Ever since we got back from a family visit to our cousins, she's been trying to implement Catholicism in me and my siblings' lives more (signed us to catechism classes and all, even tho I won't even finish it) and holy crap it's hell. Catholicism as a religion makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and I find that I just can't practice it. I do believe in God and Jesus and all, just, not in that way? If that makes sense? I want to practice Gnosticism but I definitely can't under her roof. It's just so awful, she makes us go to church and even wants to force us to do this church program on Saturday and the church has such an awful environment. Since this new change of hers, I've felt so much more stressed and panicked and afraid, bc a lot of her teachings about God are based in shame and fear. It sucks. It's upsetting bc really, I used to be pretty happy and engaged when thinking about God and praying to him, but now I just feel fear. I've noticed the only time I feel actual ease, and truly in touch spiritually, is when I disregard what she thinks is the "right" way to be religious and think about my *own* intentions. So I think I'll be happier when I'm away from her. But for now, everything sucks.

Thanks for your patience! Someone will respond soon, or I myself if it comes to that. It's only ever a case of By When, not If. Meanwhile, feel free to read the opening posts of the other (at the mo.) two visitors-in-waiting, and give your thoughts, invite them over to yours - or just say a sympathetic Hi. Don't be shy. :) (Same message to all of you, btw.)

Hi again - and apologies again that respondents are thin on the ground (and thanks again for your input on the other thread: you were spot-on so please help yourself to more if you like?). "Mother is actively making my mental state worse with her catholicism" "'m lucky in that I leave for university in the UK this September, but still, she's honestly heightened my anxiety." You mean, your anxiety about going to uni? That's fixable so don't panic. You just need some support and info - and you're here now. (PS noted that you call her Mother, not Mum.....Hardly surprising.) "Ever since we got back from a family visit to our cousins, she's been trying to implement Catholicism in me and my siblings' lives more (signed us to catechism classes and all, even tho I won't even finish it) and holy crap it's hell." Hang on - aren't you 16/17? Shouldn't you be in-charge of your own social life now? Or Covid, etc., ugger that up for you? Why - what happened at the counsins'? Are you sibs younger than you? Her nagging and controlling is hell or the class? (Or both?) Has she never HEARD of the tale (was it a parable?) of the Wind Versus The Sun? The moral of the story is basically, if you want someone to do your bidding, at least respect their agency/autonomy and do it with the Carrot, not the Stick. "Catholicism as a religion makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and I find that I just can't practice it." Then don't. That is just your fundamental right at your age. On its own - me, too. Truth is - The Thing (whatever up there) is The Thing, regardless of how any mere human decides to interpret-come-imagine it or how it 'thinks'/works. You have to find the road that suits you or cherry pick the stuff that follows simple commonsense in terms of avoiding huge consequences for all (e.g. thou shalt not kill/steal/commit adultery....no sh*t, Sherlock....wasn't intending to anyway, mleugh, lol). She may have had it force-fed to her, but that doesn't give her the right to pass-down that denial of a basic child right (to choose their own once old enough)- Yep, I would try to make taking you not worth *her* while, and make HER want to ditch the whole idea. I think something like, 'John says this and John thinks that...and he's really nice eyes...'. Because it's a bit coinkydinky, isn't it....about to go to Uni (which parents think is spelled, s-h-a-g-v-i-l-l-e). Also, there's little point in upsetting her outright at this point in time because it's cause is no doubt her wanting to keep her hand on your arm, via something in-common as well as something to talk about?. It's really heartbreaking when your kid stops being a kid (leaves home). Parents can be shocked at how instantly they plummet into really intense grieving....can't stop crying and all that - dad's included. Where IS your Dad in all this? ...But maybe try giving her reassurances that you'll phone her religiously every Thursday/whichever night? "I do believe in God and Jesus and all, just, not in that way? If that makes sense?" Perfect sense! I was the same as I had both Catholicism AND Protestantism shoved down my throad as a kid, whereas I was more spiritual, on top of common-sensible and critically-thinking). It's a personal choice. What's that meme I saw couple of years back?.... "Parents these days will let their kids be anything they want to be. Except for THEMSLEVES.' Says it all, huh. IS she anxious and dreading your leaving? "I want to practice Gnosticism but I definitely can't under her roof." No (haha!). Understatement, clearly! I was a rebel. If I was blocked from self-assertion I'd go 'floppy on the supermarket floor' or make like Bugs Bunny, as in - You wannit - you wannit?...in dat case, you can have ALL OF IT! So I'd have started reading the bible and gone up to her every 5 minutes, asking for translations and explanations, but going, 'I still don't get it'....until she regretted the whole idea. Or I might have made out that there was someone who fancied me and I fancied right back at the class. ;) There's no time to organise a NEW class, is there, so.... if she's that type, she'd undoubtedly cancell the classes, quick, or make some excuse (car's playing up). (LOL...I knowww...) But point is - if you're independent-minded - use it the way it was designed to be used. So, where there's a will, there's a way. And she's overstepping her bounds, which gives you the free license to resist and firmly stand up for yourself, how ever you can. OR you could tell her that there's a similar class at/near Uni so, as you're supposed to be preparing to go, and can't complete the class/course, anyway, you're going to sign up for that, first chance you get (date-wise, nice and vague and possibly- Coercive Controllers/Dominanators deserve every lie they get. They started it. And you HAVE to self-defend. So if that - lying, being cunning, going floppy, are all that're open to you...? Feel free. In this context, it's more a case of, "Boxing Clever". Lying has not been your free-will choice and decision. It's your last or only resort. Maybe she's worried that uni will lead you astray and these classes would work as a sort of hazmat suit? But the way she's going about it is NOT how healthy, mature parents deal with it. If you really didn't want to attend, some might make a deal with you, e.g., go and I'll help you buy that X you want. Or might point out all the benefits to you, that hadn't occurred to you (were there any). But this is coercive, including "It's just so awful, she makes us go to church and even wants to force us to do this church program on Saturday and the church has such an awful environment." Oh - really? How so? "Since this new change of hers, I've felt so much more stressed and panicked and afraid, bc a lot of her teachings about God are based in shame and fear. It sucks." Describe them so I can counter them (with logic and real-life evidence)? If she's trying to brainwash you - I'll de-brainwash you (...or would that make it, brain-rinsing?). "It's upsetting bc really, I used to be pretty happy and engaged when thinking about God and praying to him, but now I just feel fear." She's making it negative and, really, using it as a tool to keep present and future connection and *control/influence* over you. Silly woman. Already, she's achieving the opposite. "I've noticed the only time I feel actual ease, and truly in touch spiritually, is when I disregard what she thinks is the "right" way to be religious and think about my *own* intentions. So I think I'll be happier when I'm away from her. But for now, everything sucks." Yes it does, but, yes you will. As for disregarding - allow me to give you perfect, inarguable (with yourself) basis: Human evolve (including become enlightened thus more civilly sophisticated) via reproduction. Each couple's baby or babies will be an Automatic Upgrade on them. So you're probably as intelligent as her already plus by HER age, will be streets ahead. Why don't you influence HER? Refer to pestering with logical/critical questions...but ones that trap her into an intellectual corner with no answer/explanation before then 'opening a window' in her mind to having to have second-thoughts and read it all again with a more critically-thinking, open mind. I did that with a couple of Jehova's Witnesses on my doorstep who wouldn't take No for an answer. Thirty minutes in and they remembered they had left something under the grill. ;D You're not powerless, is my point. Far from it. Any cunning ideas and plans for counter-manipulation yourself? You sound like you're far cleverer than her already, actually. Maybe she just needs to catch-up to your true age/stage? Has she been in emotional statis?....divorce, for example? She might just be being panicked and thick about how she's going anout things (it lowers you iQ considerably) or too proud to ask for reassurance that you won't 'sod-off' and forget all about her. Thoughts?