I'm scared of losing all my friends

I used to be very shy but I overcame it and got myself a big social life. It comprised several sets of friends, my college friends from the 1990s to whom I've been Best Man at a wedding of two of them and I'm Godfather to the children of two of the couples. I shall refer to them as the Old group. One day, we met a DJ at my local pub and we used to go to another town to his gigs and through those gigs I met another lot of people. Over the years some of them joined on to my Old group, which I shall refer to as Old Plus group, and some formed a group of their own which I shall refer to as my Newer group. As time went by, Old group had kids and weren't as available but I had Old Plus and Newer. I have pleasant memories of all these people and some not so pleasant. One of the Newer group, who I shall call BB, has a little brother, LB. LB has attached himself to my Old group. LB is a little neurodiverse. For example, on holiday once, someone said to him,

Hi Gawain! Respondents are thin on the ground at the mo., but if no-one responds by tomorrow evening then I myself will, no worries - just a case of By When, rather than If.

Thank you very much. I think maybe I've gone into too much detail, but this is constantly on my mind. It's just not nice thinking that my oldest friend is going to sit at a table hearing gossip about me and that he might believe it. Something else - I mentioned the guy from Old Plus remarking on how grown-up my fourteen-year old Goddaughter looked when he saw her dressed in something feminine. It's now popped back into my memory him talking a few months back about being with a prostitute and refusing to stop when he paid but she asked for more money. My eyes widened in horror when he said that but he assured me it wasn't rape. I pushed it to the back of my mind. I'm questioning myself - am I only remembering this because I want to get him away from my Old group and this knowledge would be a means to do it? Am I evil and manipulative for this, or am I genuinely concerned? It was pure coincidence that he made that comment to my Goddaughter on the same night he announced he was moving near Newer people and wanted to rekindle his own friendship with her. Maybe I should mention his comments to my Goddaughter's parents anyway. I think I'd want to know. It feels like my entire support network is at risk.

Plus, at the end of an overly-deep conversation with LB about my reasons for not wanting to go to the meal, I received a screenshot of his counselling appointment confirmation. I wondered if he was implying that he needed counselling because I wouldn't go to the meal. Very odd.

Is all of my original post visible? I can only see the first paragraph and some of the second.

Hi and sorry-sorry-sorry - the sh*t's been hitting my fan and those around me, meaning, I haven't even had time to scratch my nose! Yes, actually, your ultimate paragraph did break off suddenly. Do you want to copy it, finish it and post it again here/under me? I'm going to be posting tonight (by hook or AAAARGH! crook!). Sorry again, that you and others have been waiting patiently. I do appreciate it and will make it up to you all. :)

I'm back! You still there, Gawaine? (- Here, are you Welsh?)

Hello, I've calmed down now, so there's no need for four A4 pages so I'll just retype and be less insane this time. A friend has arranged a birthday meal and invited people he knows I fell out with. Granted, one of them's his brother, but when I said I didn't want to go, he went mad and said I didn't get to tell him who to invite in response to my comment that he keeps saying that he wishes one of the people he invited (who I fell out with) would get killed by a lorry and that whenever he's with these people, they make him feel inferior. Odd. He feels an obligation to his brother to invite them, I think. The way I fell out with these people is a long, long story of miscommunications not resolved in the moment, me not feeling able to go to a wedding as I didn't want to find myself stuck down a country lane, not wanting to contribute to expensive group gifts that cost more per-person than I'd spend on my own mother for Christmas, and accidentally leaving a WhatsApp group. There's more to it, but I'm sick of describing it. Two years I've been trying to reconcile by means of sending gifts, writing letters, requesting meetings, all to no avail. My other friends feel this group of people is cliquey. However, the host of the meal just thinks I should grow up and be an adult despite the fact he knows how hard I've tried to put things right, and when I offer to see him another time, he complains all the more. I'm scared because these people will outnumber my best friends at this party and they'll all hear damaging gossip about me. I asked one friend not to go, then backed off on that feeling myself to be a control freak, so now he's going, but I'm just scared of them making arrangements and me being left out of other things and losing everyone to this group of people. One of my real friends is moving house to somewhere right by this clique, and I'm absolutely tying myself in knots over this.

And no, I'm not Welsh, but a stranger in a pub did once ask me if I had Welsh hands?

Right, I'll be with you as soon as I can - tomorrow eve or Friday, hopefully sooner (I'm waiting on other people's say-so in RL). But is this latest post a re-write, or, continues from where you left off in your opening post? I don't read ahead with opening posts as I like to 'go through' the writer's journey-ette with them and see where I'm pulled-up sharp, shocked, etc. - meaning, I don't want to start reading if it's not and/or have to read the story out of chronological order. Can you check and let me know if or when it is? I have caught a few words here and there, though, and it does sound serious. PS: A tip is to write (or in your case, patch it together) it in word and then copy and paste it in here. And then (so that your log-in doesn't time out and the Submission fail to take), once pasted in here, copy it beforehand in-case.

Hi, it's a rewrite. The only bit added to my overly long post is the bit where I asked someone not to go to the meal. I did copy and paste the original post from Word, by the way.

It wasn't insane. It CERTAINLY wasn't too long. It was just incomplete. 'Ere - stop insulting yourself, please, thank-you? It still is in too many bits 'n pieces, though, whereas I wanted you to begin again and put it all - those pertinent background and historical details, included - in the one post, in chronological/logical order. Please for your own sake as well as ours, do that? That way, we avoid mistakes and misunderstandings and you get better quality replies. I will just say ONE thing for-now, though: "A friend has arranged a birthday meal and invited people he knows I fell out with. Granted, one of them's his brother, but when I said I didn't want to go, he went mad and said I didn't get to tell him who to invite in response to my comment that he keeps saying that he wishes one of the people he invited (who I fell out with) would get killed by a lorry and that whenever he's with these people, they make him feel inferior. Odd. He feels an obligation to his brother to invite them, I think." That pricked my Spidey Senses. Sure, he could feel obligated to his brother. But that excuses neither the Gross Hypocrisy nor the 'going mad' in that situation, nor the attacking you, nor telling you that you don't have normal Friendship rights to have your feelngs considered and taken into account, nor your opinion heard, nor to be allowed to have zero influence over events/situations that affect you, nor the upside-down-ness of his attack. The way he dealt with you, there - that alone: Sounds like he best likes anyone who automatically lets him get his way, and the rest get shouted down, critizised (what - for having feelings or thinking you matter?) (or both?), etc. At what point in your friendship tenure did he start being like this, then?

PS: Lengthy is good. Pretend you're writing a full article of this string of (icky) events (COURSE you don't need to grow up! YOU HAVE...which is how and why you're both-ways so sensitive! UP THEIR CHILDISHLY UNEMPATHIC AND SELF-CENTRED BUMS....but anyway). This is Psychological Warfare you're in, by the sounds of it. I need a comprehesive report, please, Soldier! And then we'll know what wires to cut to avoid any explosion. When IS this party?

PS another thing... You're not going to lose HAVING any friends. You're just going to sedate or tip out of your seats, the iffy ones, so that people as kind, conscientious and forthright as you will finally dare sit down in them (after you've disinected them) - because they're actually free (picture them being in a row) and there are no longer Iffies in any of them. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS - ALWAYS. If someone you like and want to be friends with (and unbeknownst to you - vice-versa) has even ONE Iffy in their mates group, the decent folk like you/your 'birds of a feather', will want to stay away. RIGHT away. Not because of you. Because of them...letting them within 100ft of them. Trust me - I've had to do that MANY a time (if they weren't ready to be rescued - I'm a rescuer) and so have/do countless of others. POO, THEY PONG. Basically. And then you take on the pong. Basically. You can do it nicely, kindly, even lie kindly (me gats Covid!) - for your own moral pride or because you're unsure about them, still. You're ALLOWED to lie to the narcissistic. If you don't - while they are - it's like you going onto the battle field with a feather. (What you gonna do - tickle 'em to-death?). You sound lovely, my son. Like the rest of the men and women on here. (PS: I can call you that because I'm ancient, haha.)

AND I GOT ALL OF THAT FROM JUST TWO SHORT PARAGRAPHS (that my eyes couldn't ignore). Is this a case of Say No More (..and, straight onto strategies)? You tell me if it is. Because I think so. And I think you know...or suspect. PS: What are Welsh hands supposed to look like?

One giant symptom in me, is that I can't stop posting. Like, standing near the door but staying in your room because you need defending. Yup...you're in a Narc & Flying Monkey (including Plastique Fantastiques aka The Gotta-Be Populars) nest. Permission to stop being so polite and diplomatic and benefit-of-the-doubt-giving. Now re-write it and show me what merchant-bankers they are. Yeah? Use yourself as a template: "Would I, Guhwaine, ever do that, ever treat someone like that in that situation and circumstance, ever talk to someone like that (etc.)". If the answer is No - THERE YOU HAVE IT. They are too beneath you (which every Narc secretly knows). In Normal Land, no-one is beneath anyone. But La-La Land is Opposites Land where the RUNT(S) pick on the healthy(ies). (Welsh accent): Soh, boyo...THERE'S a compleement fhor hyoo! :) ...Only the best (haaaah...inspects nails).

Tsk - misspelt your name. *Gawain*. (Sorry....s'too hot here, brain's melty)

I suspect this is why no-one else answered, too. They could tell it was one for me. That or I flatter myself and, really, they're all having a heatwave too (we're international) and can't move for sweating?

Anyway, I'll be on here tonight, on and off but all night and probably into the wee hours as well (slept late, deliberately). I'll keep watching for you...

Tsk..."Pretend you're writing a full article" FOR YOUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER And I'll add - and you've got a whole full-page to yourself if you want. There are so...many reasons why it's good for you to do this, too many to Splain right now, but - you'll see.

Nearly forgot: "Maybe I should mention his comments to my Goddaughter's parents anyway. I think I'd want to know." You're not evil or unconcerned - this is NORMAL for a Narc's/Narcs' Nest victim. Your mind tries to protect Conscious You by 'hiding' the reality and facts of a situation because the realisation (of having been wired to their Matrix) would be too much for you, which could be for many reasons, but always Survivalist: too much on your plate already, you feel you'd risk being lonely and friendless forever (nope!). You have as a reaction to any type of danger, even psycho-emotional, in your genes, so you're either (OR ALL/ANY - depending on the situation) (but INTRINSICALLY) ...Fight, Flight, Fawn, Freeze (play dead). Some realisations are just too shocking and could give you an emotional breakdown. (PLUS Malignant Narcs know how to keep you focussed on them and not on this/that.) Plus it's too outside of the box-freaky..."No...It can't be true, that stuff happens to other people/only in films...no...". No Normal, no *Non* Malignant Narc, would even GO there to begin with -- topically/conversationally! NOPE. It just wouldn't be worth the risk. Ah...but....NSpaths love taking risks and "flashing" their nakedness (under the Mask) at their victim(s). What he said is on the same level, societally, as getting onto a plane, waiting til it's taken off, then pretending they've got a bomb strapped to them. OKAY? So that sorts that one out. Are these godparents part of your group, then? If so - call Social Services and ask them - and be honest and say you don't know if it's just that you're finally ready to DEAL with all these indications of unhealthiness and sexual predator 'noises' you've been having, or whether you're just subconsciously adding too much weight because you need it on the - quote/unquote - evidence table...All because you sense a crime is afoot but haven't yet identified the more elusive evidence that these people/this person "aren't right in the head". These people deal with these situations day-in-day-out, year-after-year-after-decade.... They hear and see signs and symptoms all day long, so even if they didn't join the CPS an expert, they pretty damn quickly become one over something this serious...this hobbling of a child for-life...that they can practically tell at first sentance which 'informant' is genuine, non-genuine but self-kidded, or non-genuine and knows it (axe-grinding trouble-maker and social resource waster). Try watching every single episode ever made of Thomas The Tank Engine (albeit this would be the Dark Side version) for MOST of your waking hours (and thinking about it, replaying the episode, for most of your FREE time as well!), again and again and again and again and.......... You see if YOU don't quickly become an expert on every single little detail and situation "as led to". Same with GPs etc. If they're not part of the groups - tell her parents directly (but INCH your way through it and let them see your difficulty doing it). THEY won't be in trouble...They'll have been primed using brainwashing. HE will. Paedos ALWAYS make friends with the parents to gain their trust first..because it's piss-simple to start on the kid because THEY'RE YOUR FRIIIIEEEND, THEY'D NEVER DO THAT?! They effing would and that's why you don't take risks with your kiddie. There again - they could immediately confront Godfarter and cite you as the warner and try to twist it. So how's about a typed, anonymous letter of apologetic concern instead? Would anyone in any of those groups think it characteristic of only you? If they would, it's hinty-hinty time. But no-one could blame you for having good intentions in not wanting to take risks with her or any child's safety. It's Act Anyway, Apologise Later. Non-Iffies and Non-Guilties would understand, concede your point and forgive. Another alternative, however (in the hinty range) is to find a fairly current/recent or noteable real-life case of kid-predatoring (loads on YouTube). Then find articles online about how these predators do their sick dance on the parents and the kid, and during your next conversation with them (but not JUST them), going from 'What's the most shocking thing you've watched on YouTube/Instagram?'. You let others have a go, and then when your turn, ....explain how you had NOOO IDEA that they do this first, then that, and that, and that.... These parents should instantly recognise/feel it chime with Godfarter's 'dance' and go, Pinggg! "OH. MY. GOD!".... Thing is, though... It's usually vulnerable, bullied or neglected, lonely, 'unimportant'-feeling kids (parentally starved, basically) that tend to fall prey to being 'wooed' by a sicko in-disguise. Is she? What and which do you think? Your gut should know.

PS: (It's cooler so I can think better...) " One of my real friends is moving house to somewhere right by this clique, and I'm absolutely tying myself in knots over this." If he's your real friend (and isn't retarded) he won't believe you're the perpetrator or won't listen to gossip or without getting the other side, anyway. He'll KNOW this/that doesn't sound like you. If he does listen but doesn't give you your own 'day in court', he's not your friend but your competitor or worse, your fiend and frenenemy. REAL friends know you and what you're like and what you're capable of versus not. Why don't you just confide in him, give him your side, BEFORE he moves? I presume he's not stupid, can compare the two accounts and see for himself? Or are you more worried about him getting duped? Is he easily kidded, normally?...easy for pulling the wool over his eyes?