How do you let go of hate for someone?

I had a person in my life who I had known since school, who has always been a bit of an issue. They always seem to test the limits of people, make jokes about them and take things too far. We had lost a few friends due to this. I'm not too sure why I stayed friends as long as i did. I guess because it came in waves, sometimes things were good, sometimes bad. In all truth I should of stopped being friends with them years a go as they did quite a few things to upset me. However, it was was beginning of 2023 when things turned really bad. This person seemed to have this new burst of "living life to the fullest" mantra Me and my other friend were fully supportive, gave them advice and stood by their side. Until we couldn't. They broke up with their boyfriend. That was their first move. Their boyfriend was actually a really nice guy. And we really liked him as a mate. But the break up turned really ugly. My "friend" starting spewing awful things about the guy like how ugly he was. Just saying nasty things that were not needed to be said. I don't want get into too much detail because there is a lot of things that they did. So I'm going to stick to personal things that hurt me. This person would use me for jokes while at outings. I can take a joke but it would become mentally exhausting and I would feel mentally drained after hanging out with them. And they would make comments such as passively calling me a "cling on" and swiftly moving the conversation along so I couldn't say anything. I got promoted at work and we went out for drinks. They had to announce and said "sorry not to hickjack your celebration, but I should also be getting promoted soon as something has happened at work"...they never actually did get promoted. And when my birthday was coming up, they messaged me what I was doing for my birthday. And I tried to organise and suddenly they couldn't do any day I was suggesting and would never tell me what day they could do. I didn't occur to me until months later that they may have been trying to sabotage my birthday. Now, I'm a quite a content person who likes to live in their own bubble. And I truly take pleasure in the simpler things in life. I worked hard and managed to get my dream job. I had a really rough couple of years (I had mental breakdown due to my circumstance) so I guess at the minute, I just crave security and stability. I'm saving up for a house which is very much relevant to this story. So I've been on a few holidays, I've been to a few concerts etc. But I'm saving money and just trying to build a future where I can live on my own and be ok. My so called "friend" seemed to have an issue with this. Well just me in general. They would constantly comment about "living life to the fullest", going to concerts going on holidays. And that they would "never waste their money on a mortgage when they could be living life" All fair, it's your life you do what you want to do. But this person seem to always make backhanded comments which were obviously jabs at me saving up for a house. And they did this constantly, every time. Almost obsessively. I can't even put into words how bad and how much these kind of comments were made. At one point it got to me so badly that I felt like I would never be able to do it on my own. My mental health declined again and I felt hopeless, sad and really teary. I was OK after bit and got some confidence back. Then the friend met a new guy. All my friend would talk about was how much money this guys makes and that he has his own house. That was it. The friend became quite distant from us and became even more difficult to organise things with. We even invited the new boyfriend because we wanted to meet him and see what he was like. That was like November-Decemember. All festive activities together were declined. Finally we managed to meet up in January to exchange gifts and catch up. We're all sitting at a table. They say how their boyfriend is practically like a sugar daddy". And this "friend" turns to me and goes "We're planning on moving in together in three weeks and planning on buying a house together by the end of the year" They had been dating the guy for 2 months by the way. I knew the buying the house comment was aimed at me. I asked about "oh, what about living life to the fullest and not wasting money on a mortgage" They didn't really have an answer for that. We laughed and stuff. It didn't really hit me until I got home and then I was really angry. This person is doing the exact same thing they made me feel really bad about and tore me down for. And not only that, I am angry that they are using a person to do this and also it's going to be easier for them. I think that was just the final straw and I have cut this person out of my life now. But I still think about it, I'm still angry and I really hate them. For everything and I don't know how to let it go. I'm not sure if I'm jealous or just angry that this person gets no karma for being so horrible and basically using people as stepping stones. I really just want to let it go, get closure and move on and stop being unbothered by it all.

Heard this before, but you'll get closure when you cut this individual out of your life post haste. Apart from being an insecure nasty piece of work, they're also all about controlling everyone else's life if they're allowed to do so. All you have to do is not allow this person to intrude into your life & then get on with living without the bitterness because it will surely eat at you. You need to listen to the old mantra that what goes around, comes round & then just let things go without being anyone's door mat. Surround yourself with people who respect you for who you are & ditch anyone who is sly enough to manipulate you.

Me too/agree with Mannie. Just a reassuring second opinion: I got as far as your works promotion drinkies and yelled, "LUV, YOU'RE DESCRIBING A NARC!". And even that had been held in from the first sentance "I guess because it came in waves, sometimes things were good, sometimes bad. In all truth I should of stopped being friends with them years a go as they did quite a few things to upset me." Note the difference: "Things were mostly good, but sometimes a bit bad." Which is how a friendship or romance with a normal, healthy-minded, well-raised individual is described. See it? You said SOMETIMES for both, meaning, about 50/50 or FEELS like it. (Feels like it is what matters because a lot of what they do is soooo subtle and soo under-your-radar, that there aren't words or sentances to describe them.) And this "good side" or once-good-side is precisely what keeps you hanging on, hoping, hoping to get the person you DID like, who WAS *mostly* nice/normal, BACK. Maybe if you're nicer, do more, love them more... Nope. She hasn't become anything different. She's just decided to "come out of the closet". Or, she's become worse than when you first knew her because she can't be arsed to keep her true colours contained any more (it's hard work, acting non-stop), meaning, it's not a decision it's a COVER STORY of an EXCUSE. It's sad, isn't it. :( But there is huge relief and a HUGE difference to how much better your life starts to go (after a suitable period of mourning) once you break it off or shuffle almost imperceptibly away. And then you think - Damnit!...wish I'd dumped the dud YEARS ago! Nah. Don't think like that because you've had an education in Narcissism (Covert morphing into what I call "Allvert"). So I agree completely ("SPOT ON!") with Mannie (again).

PS: I've read the rest now. Do NOT be low on confidence when you deserve to be high. YOU DID GOOD! I particularly liked the Barrister-ing bit there: But YOOOU SAID etc. :D Loved that. THAT'S the way to do it! Either confront properly or walk away properly. Properly is the key and I repeat, you handled that beautifully. Glad you then dumped her (Gold Star on your forehead - "Thlup!") because she'd have probably 'got you for that!'. Now that she can't...and because a Narc's very sick and dominant ego can't absorb or recycle the anger/indignation - trust me on this: It's SHE who needs the closure now. That someone 'got her in a corner', having out-foxed her, will make her grind her teeth for DECADES!...or until she takes it out on someone else. Don't know whether she should be described at a non-stop B*tch or non-stop Cow. Both, I think. UGH. WELL RID. New mantra for you: I need Radiators in my life, not Drains. (They make me feel sick and give me a headache, as well as (if they're Malignant) give me Alice-In-Wonderland-itis...like a WHOOSH sensation on first meeting, whereby I just KNOW what they are (which they always-always later go on to prove, wherepon I have to say YET AGAIN - Toldyaso!). PS: when you reminded her of what she'd earlier said - was it in front of other witnesses? (Haha, hoping you say, Yes.) MOST people aren't comfortable with Confrontation...which is one of the things Narcs/all bullies, including, rabid peck-peck-peckers (Coverts) rely on (your over-politeness and/or silence). Not surprised all festive suggestions got rejected. You're a Truth Sayer and might have let her nefarious cat out of her stinky bag in front of her (ugh!) 'Sugar Daddy'. (PS she's pathologically as in, incurably, jealous of you - Narcs can't BE friends (nor lovers), just competitors (where they slowly and painfully chop off you head because it's the only way they can feel as 'tall' as you). No normal-healthy friend would treat a diamond, like you sound like, like that (too many likes, bad Engrish, sorry, it's HOT AS HELL over here!). She deserves to be felt sorry for (as well as repulsed by)...she was obviously f**ked-up instead of tucked-up. (REALLY sad...) (but you'll be fine or great, one of the two...it's how it goes when you finally get that monkey off your back...understandably). Any new thoughts?

Important PS: This was NOT a friendship, it was a lengthy run-in with an NPD (she's planning on financially using and exploiting this guy (and no doubt others, as they Multi-Time), which makes her a Malignant...and they're all lazy Take-Take-Takers, Skimmers, or worse, Stealers/Scammers. So you must NOT - repeat NOT - try to make your anger go away. Let IT go. And it'll do that when it's finished. Which will be when your survivalist mind (your inner animal) KNOWS IT'S SAFE TO. Because, MEANWHILE, anger keeps you Hoover-proof (go google "Narc Friend - Hoover techniques". I know it's a pain but it's also, for the time being, a fantastic shield. Well...if you don't allow them to Hoover you using the Pity Play/Ploy (google)...which they try if they can tell you're still angry and disgusted. If you have XXX anger then their XX pity appeal is too weak to work. And writing her Rap-Sheet ('the time she did this/that, said this/that'). And print it out and keep it to-hand in case she re-appears (like the Bad Penny they are) on your scene and contacts. Mantra: She shoulda thought of that when she was treating and speaking to me like sh*t on her shoe - AND in front of people! (You're far too healthy and clever for her and she knows it.)