Meeting Him on Saturday! Please Help! URGENT

Hello! I am here after my friend told me about this forum. I want to share my story and ask for genuine opinion. I am almost 29 and was looking for a guy on online marriage app (Just like my friend). So I found an amazing guy. We are from the same ethnic background. He is well-settled, has a great job, is in middle east. His father died 10 years ago. Has 1 brother who has been married for 8 years and is in Australia. His mom lives here in our country alone. I found that a bit weird because in our culture, parents live with their kids especially when they are old and because both of the brother are well-settled. They have given their mom a good life here. She has a driver and everything she needs. Right from the day we started talking, it felt that everything was easy. He is 37. He asked all the right questions and he answered in detail, and was very clear about what he wanted. It has been a month and maybe 8 days that we have been talking. We moved from the app to WhatsApp in 2 weeks. We had audio calls. Then video calls. and now he will be meeting me on this Saturday on my birthday. He is coming to visit me. Now there are a few points that I want to go over. Sometimes I feel like I am the red flag, and sometimes I feel he is. But mostly I think it is me. I feel like I am not capable of love or attention. Maybe I should never get married. So after the initial questions and answer sessions. We found out that we had similar personalities. Both of us are ENFJ (Protagonist), the personality type with the Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging traits. Both of us have a similar love language that is physical touch. We are energetic. Whenever we have a video call, we play card games. We even watched a movie together. And he is fun. He listens to me attentively and when I have a question he makes sure that he replies in detail so that I don't have doubts. Having said that, he is very particular about his time or from what he has shown me. He goes to work on time. Comes back, goes to the gym, have dinner, talk to me (If he can) and sleep. And for me it is like an hour that he gives me. And then he says he is tired and goes to sleep. During work hours, he texts, but they are quite delayed and I understand that he is at work so I refrain from texting him. I let him text me so that I am not annoying him. And I reply him every time he texts. When it was his birthday a week ago, I designed him a very special card. I also got cupcakes just to make it cute. Because it is a long distance, I got cupcakes, lighted some candles and we were on video call. He thought it was very cute, and he loved it. But because we have a 2 hour time difference. It was my 2am and his 12am. I stayed up till late. And he usually sleeps at 11pm. After wishing him etc. He said that from next year, we will celebrate my birthday at your 12am because it is very ate for me. It felt a bit weird because I stayed up till late too. And it was a special day. Maybe I am thinking about it too much. We also discussed about household chores, finances etc. Because the intent is to get married so we went over them. Initially he said that because he will be the provider, the main bread winner, he will pay for everything. If I want to work, I can, but family time shouldn't be disturbed. Because kids need their mom. He also said that he will be helping on the weekends only. I didn't like it. So the next day, me being a very impatient person who craves for closure that very second, I wrote a long ass message and told him (That's my original message): ------------------------------------------------------------------ I’ve given our conversation from yesterday some thought and I want to share my feelings. Marriage is about peace. If I'm not at peace, I can't provide peace to someone else. Since yesterday, I've felt that it might be quite a challenge. We need to look at the bigger picture beyond household chores. I feel like I'll have to change who I am and won't be able to refuse or show reluctance to do something. I've never worked extensively at home. Yes, I can cook and help with tasks, but it shouldn't be solely my duty or something I'm pushed to do. We have similar personalities, and I don't like being forced or told I must do something. Yesterday, I saw very little flexibility. You said you’ll be the provider and you won’t change me, but you didn't mention keeping the help you currently have. Why should all the tasks fall on me after marriage? I don't want to handle everything alone. I want a healthy balance and contribution towards our marriage har lihaz say, not just the finances. I also get the feeling that my job is seen as less important and that I could leave it if I want. But I want you to know that I am career-oriented and will never give it up. I like to voice my opinions, sometimes strongly, and believe in discussing everything to reach mutual solutions. For instance, we can plan a budget together. I want an equal say in everything. Times have changed, and while we belong to a traditional culture, I'm not a very traditional person. I am not submissive; I am assertive, meaning I am not frightened to say what I want or believe. You mentioned wanting someone who is the opposite. We should really think about this because, as you said, we can't change a person. Having someone who wants a say in everything can be difficult. Regarding passwords and finances, I believe in transparency and mutual respect. Husband and wife should be partners in everything, not just in growing a family. There are a few points I can't compromise on, such as religion, career, my family, and my voice. Everything else can be adjusted, but it shouldn't be forced or predefined. I want to be able to say no. I really respect you and I understand that you might want a different kind of life. You should know who I am, how I imagine life etc. ------------------------------------------------------------------- To which he replied that "Let’s discuss later today point by point again" We discussed everything that day. he said he will help out. He also told me that I exaggerated and I feel like I did. Because he did say that if I am busy too, we can order food. And he never asked me to quit my job. He also said that he will never share his bank/stock account password. That was weird because I have no problem in doing that. He said that money discussion makes him uncomfortable and that people closest to him like mom, and brother have done something that he is now careful with these matters. He will make a joint account for me to pull out money from after marriage. He also told me to not send him such messages because he got very anxious that I might be breaking up with him. He said that we should discuss this on call so that there are no misunderstandings. He used to say "Good Morning" every single day. He also started adding cutie etc. to it. But since 4-5 days, he stopped. On Saturday, he didn't even text. On Friday I told him that I think I will fall ill and I did the next day. I was expecting that on Saturday morning he would say good morning, and ask me how I am. No message. I will till 8:30pm. and the here is the conversation: ----------------------- Me: Hi. What's going on? He: Heyy! Meetup with friends. How about you? How was shopping? Me: ok. Didn't go. He: How come Me: I have a high fever. Told you yesterday. He: Oh, it didn't get better? I thought it will be not that bad. Did you take medicine? Me: No. Have been in bed. You didn't even text.. He: Oh sorry. I didn't know that you are this ill. I have been out since morning. Didn't get a chance to text. You should take medicine. Me: Yes, In a while. ----- Then after 3 hours he texted: "I just reached home. How is your fever" I replied to him in the morning because I had already slept waiting for him. --------------------- So is this me who is craving so much attention? Because It felt like I was the red flag. Maybe I wanted him to call. To check up on me. He never even called. Not once. We haven't talked on call since Saturday. He did tell me that he is excited to meet me on Saturday. He told me that he rejected girls because they were too demanding and not flexible. Like they would ask him about finances and ask him to have a 50-50 role in household chores right when they started talking. He also said that he doesn't like to be pushed. He wants someone who isn't assertive etc. I don't know a lot about him. His experiences. I do know about his career history, a bit about his family. But I don't know why I feel anxious. What is wrong. He did tell me that he was super focused on his career and that is why he didn't get married and was never in a relationship before. Maybe he is not calling me, or being too time-conscious like doing everything on time because he was never in a relationship. Like I don't feel like he is going out of his way. Also, I was feeling very excited at the beginning, now I am not. I don't know why. He wants to get married by the end of this year and I told him no. I will take my time. What should I ask him, and observe when we meet on Saturday? Am I the red flag? I want someone who is excited to go home and talk to me everyday on call. You know how it is the romance at the start of the relationship. I crave that. Maybe its because we are not teenagers anymore and he really wants to get married. I do want to see if he will bring me anything. I am not saying diamonds. But maybe flowers? Also, how should I approach this relationship? How should I behave? Am I rushing it? He likes to keep everything very positive. And I.... I always overthink. I think of the worst. Please help me. What should I do when I meet him? It will only be for an hour.

Honestly, I dont know how to talk to him. Should I talk to him about this? That I dont feel the connection? That I expect that at certain time of the day he will call me out of the blue? It feels like we have been married for 5 years and not like a new relationship...

He only strikes a conversation during our call. Never will he ever go first and start to talk about random things. Like he never shared where he was on Saturday (When he didn't text me the whole day) or what did he do unless I ask him. He keeps his lines brief. Uses less words. But he does answer everything. Again, maybe its too early to tell. One day he was coming back from another country. I waited him to reach home. He didnt reply for 5 hours and I got worried. I told him that I am worried. On call, he said no need to get worried. Think positive. Only worry when I haven't texted for like 10 hours. He never sends me more texts if I don't reply to the first. Like usually boys do at the start of the relationship.

Ok, so you've sat down & both have compared each other & both have ticked each other's boxes but he's a bit different & has said 'I will be the boss & I will pay for everything & you can work but it's not to cut into family time'. Yes, there's your red flag right there & another flag about kids needing their Mum, when kids need both parents equally. He wants to get married by the end of the year does he? hello? You know, there's some women out there who will accept those RFs without blinking an eye, but that doesn't make it right & if you feel that that's a relationship breaker, then you do what you feel is right. You mention love language but do you guys share VALUES & STANDARDS? & who cares that you're assertive etc because that's who you are & if he can't accept that, then why bother? A man who loves, respects & supports his wife/spouse/partner will not demand that it'll be all his way, nor will he dictate the terms of his relationship/marriage or whatever. In fact, he wouldn't even mention it, ever. Furthermore, a successful relationship/marriage is all about respect for each other, sharing everything together every day & communication plays a big part...no excuses. Listen to your gut with this guy because it's talking to you right now. Sure, you can meet him & who knows, it might turn out for the better & it's your birthday as well. But if you don't get that 'connection' with him, then don't go there with him.

Agree COM.PER.LETE.LY! You're too up-to-date/Gen Z for him. He's got a touch of Dinosaur, still, from your traditional culture (including male chauvenism). He needs to get with today's programme (- I mean, where's he been and what is he - Sleeping Beauty? :p) HE thinks relationships are about the man being The Daddy and you being seen and treated like his daughter. How-ow-ever!.... You have all the makings of a fab wife (including your assertiveness and amazing comms skills). And if he can be educated and accept today's Equal Rights & Opportunities, then he'd make a pretty good husband otherwise, because he's got the self-discipline to take his career and therefore sleeping needs seriously. But that incompatibility, as it stands, makes you two ripe for clashing, and you don't want to have to BATTLE to customise your partner and modernise his thinking. I can guess whose friend (on here) you are. The PAIR of you need to move to more modern-thinking countries if you ask me. Generation Zs are GenZs no matter where they are or whom they're with. They're not just with it, they ARE the new It. (And thank UCK for that!) I do, however, pick up on a bit of Asperger's in him (he'd be great in the Forces), which would mean he's going by a script...what he was taught/shown. AND HIS BAGGAGE. Deeper down he might not even AGREE with what he's spouting. (Aspies' brains are constantly overloaded so he might just not have ever had call to sit and think these archaic to draconian gender attitudes of his.) I agree you see what's what on Saturday (this coming, yes?) and report back to Mannie. (Mannie: ROUND OF APPLAUSE, that was.... round of applause-worthy (speechless) :))))))

PS: My hunch, now, guys, is that he *might* cancel Saturday so...just be prepared, Rehman. If he does, that'd mean he'd saved you a wasted trip and you'd dodged a bullet. I think he was playing dumb over the fact your HIGH fever hadn't miraculously corrected itself in record time (pff). I think he could have resumed online fishing for a less modern-thinking, independent, self-sufficient woman (i.e. bit desperate so willing to let him be the boss, despite, as Mannie says, it's TWO CO-BOSSES: Partnership), meanwhile keeping you warm/maintained on the side for Saturday, to get verification - like you're wanting to get (hence being careful to text later "just reached home, how's your fever?", yet still keeping where he was Sat a secret). (If he's doing that, though, then he can't be an HF Aspie because HFs tend to be the opposite of selfish and self-serving. And he can't even be a GenZ...although, if he were that, he wouldn't have that Man Is Der Boss attitude, would he.) Also...Presuming he has a MOBILE PHONE - how come he had to reach home to textually ask after you? Was he at the North Pole, on an iceberg, no signal...? (See?) Go anyway. If you still want. You might click chemically and that might provide all the urge needed to be willing to discuss, negotiate and compromise (and cool his Chauvenistic jets). But proceed with caution like you're doing. It'll either work out great OR validate your Spidey-Senses.