Bother or not

So I dress up now and then for my husband and give him sex regularly and oral now and then. Ok so I don’t have a porn stars body or do all the stuff they do. My husband has looked at this stuff and I think still does but says he isn’t. I don’t like it and I once years ago caught him on his laptop on it. His zip was down so I knew it was porn. He lied and said he was reading something. I was in bed and he could have had me but chose to look at that stuff instead. It hurt me so so much. Now nine times out of 10 I say to have sex and oral. He hardly says to have it. We have it and he gets his pleasure I don’t get any because I can only orgasm through oral. I don’t feel wanted or desired nor are my needs met. I admit I only want oral now and then but it would be nice if he offered to do it more to me and to say to have sex too. I want to know should I make the effort by giving him sex regularly and oral when he does not seem bothered to give it to me and should I bother to dress up when he clearly isn’t bothered to make the effort in bed for my needs or to make me feel wanted. I am 54 he is 58. He had his prostrate removed six years ago and he says he isn’t young anymore and I know having his prostrate removed didn’t help. He says he isn’t a proper man anymore but before he had it removed he used to be the same way with sex towards me. I don’t check his laptop history but I have checked his phone and cannot see any porn sites incase he is using that more instead of coming to me but he can always hide stuff from me if he wanted too. I did once find a video in the bin on his laptop if two women having sex and again this hurt me so much especially when he said he would not look at it again. He wasn’t bothered about my feelings at all

Sorry for the wait - we're very short on respondents at the mo. If no-one else takes this, I will, but I am limited on opportunities at the mo. and still have 'long-haulers' to keep on top of, so can't promise by-when, only that it'll be by this weekend, latest, MAYBE sooner. Meantime, please feel free to respond, or just say Hi and take an interest, to those queueing alongside you (this is an old-style forum so that's how it'd done). :) PS: Am posting a duplicate of this to the other 3 posters still waiting at the moment.

(Moderator bump-up - OP still awaiting a response)

Hi Sassyip! Okay, let's get on with on with it (and sorry again for your wait).... (Taking it sentance-by-sentance...) "So I dress up now and then for my husband and give him sex regularly and oral now and then." And what equivalent lengths (pun unintentional!) does he go to? PS: You do make it ssssslightly sound like a duty and chore, though - didn't you notice that? Or were you just pushed for time when you typed this? I mean - that's quite an opener, isn't it, lol.... (film-trailer voiceover man): "SHE!...was a dutiful wife...gave him sex, re-u-lar-leee, even oral now and thennnnnn...BUT!......" Let's see what the but is (again, pun unintended). "Ok so I don’t have a porn stars body or do all the stuff they do." Hhh! You monster, you! (YES, joking) "My husband" Yeah, I don't like him already. "has looked at this stuff and I think still does but says he isn’t." Oh - THERE IT IS. (Course it is.) (Couldn't think why else you'd be apologetic for not having a body associated with a job that you didn't sound like you do - eh!) (Dress-up like a prostitute, do you mean?) How long you married and when did these issues of his first make themselves subtly known? And didn't he TELL you he was into porn during the first few days or at least before asking you to get engaged? I'll answer that FOR you: Nair. Air!...Funny, that, yairs. This, Sassy, is a well-worn "Old Chestnut". But not for you, it's not so let's continue... "I don’t like it" Healthy, normal, self-respectful - check! "and I once years ago caught him on his laptop on it. His zip was down so I knew it was porn." What - the zip over his lips? (jj) "He lied and said he was reading something." LYING TOO. LYING, DESPITE CAUGHT RED-HANDED (TICK!). Treating you like an idiot (Tick!) " ( I was in bed and he could have had me but chose to look at that stuff instead." Nah - you're REAL (ew - icky!). " It hurt me so so much. " HE doesn't care. "Now nine times out of 10 I say to have sex and oral. He hardly says to have it." Then why hasn't he asked for a divorce, if he's so dissatisifed that he has to effectively bring third-parties into your (er) relationship? You must be handy in other ways. So presumably, the outfits allow him to blur his eyes and imagine you're one of those 'centrefolds', yes? "We have it and he gets his pleasure I don’t get any because I can only orgasm through oral." OH, CASE CLOSED. He's using you. Started when his irreversible mal-programming-based need for novelty (the next, new shiny thing/object) (human, to us healthies) kicked-in again. "I don’t feel wanted or desired nor are my needs met." Then your senses work perfectly. "I admit I only want oral now and then" Not surprised! "but it would be nice if he offered to do it more to me and to say to have sex too." Well, he won't. Not ever again, now. Google "Covert Narcissist - Withdrawal of sex and affection". "I want to know should I make the effort by giving him sex regularly and oral when he does not seem bothered to give it to me" NO. WE DO NOT REWARD INAPPROPRIATELY BAD OR INADEQUATE BEHAVIOUR. We clear? "and should I bother to dress up" NOPE! " when he clearly isn’t bothered to make the effort in bed for my needs or to make me feel wanted." Correct. " I am 54 he is 58." No. You're 54 and he's just a selfish kid in a grown-up suit who sees women as an amenity, accessory, toy in their toybox, secret mother, secret emotional dumping ground, etc. "He had his prostrate removed six years ago and he says he isn’t young anymore and I know having his prostrate removed didn’t help." Didn't help with what - his getting a st*ffie at the computer? Seems like the opposite is more the truth. (HOUSTON!...ANOTHER NPD/npd-ASPD VICTIM WITH COGNITIVE DISSONANCE ALERT!!!) (go google) "He says he isn’t a proper man anymore" Any more? Never was. DIFFERENT if he was using the porn to rev up and then immediately gave the benefit to you by 'pouncing' on you in the bedroom, but - nah. This has nothing to do with his prostate. (Do you have actual concrete, witnessed first-hand, proof he had his prostate out - or that what he had out was his prostate?) "but before he had it removed he used to be the same way with sex towards me." THERE WE GO - STRIKE PREVIOUS QUESTION - I'm right - again - bloody wish I wasn't (sorry (((((((HUG))))))) ). "I don’t check his laptop history but I have checked his phone and cannot see any porn sites incase he is using that more instead of coming to me but he can always hide stuff from me if he wanted too." You can guarantee it, missus. "I did once find a video in the bin on his laptop if two women having sex" Oh ffs. (TICK!) "and again this hurt me so much especially when he said he would not look at it again. He wasn’t bothered about my feelings at all" His brain can't do that stuff. Tell the truth and give a single flying duck (pun INtentional!) for anyone else's feelings. It's not personal - because they can't GET personal (can't bond - at all or enough). Have a surf and you'll see, then report back if you like?