Feeling stuck and feeling lonely

I'm currently feeling stuck in life and I'm not sure what to do. I think one of the main reasons is because I don't really have anyone to go and do things with. I quite a few friends but it's a struggle to organised things with them. They all have their own partners or they live a bit too far etc. I do have my best friend. Who I love to bits however I've realised we never really do anything fun. Just comfortable things like going out for drinks. I took her to a picnic at our local park a few weeks ago to cheer her up. And then I saw her a few weeks after that and she said I inspired her and she took her sister to London for a picnic. That's when I kinda realised that she never organises those kinds of things with me. Not unless it's one of our birthdays. A few weeks before that I mentioned about going on a big trip together next year. Somewhere like New York. She's going to florida with brothers and sisters this year so we didn't do anything. And we've both had to be frugal with our money. She seemed really excited by the idea. However when I last caught up with her, she mention her and her sister talking about going to Disney land Paris next year. Forgetting about the conversation we had a few weeks prior. Now both of us are really into Disney. And my Mum mentioned how it's weird that she never invites me on these Disney trips. And I understand where my mum is coming from. And there is a part of me that is disappointed. But at the same time, I have to be an adult about this and if she doesn't want me to go then I can respect that. I'm not entitled to go on these trips in any way. And she seems to do a lot more with her sister, like going to concerts, going to London etc. And there's just a part me that wishes she would ask me to join or do those things with her too. I probably sound entitled now. But I don't have any brothers or sisters. So I don't really have that safety net. My best friend is really all I have and the closest thing I'll ever have to actually having a sister But besides that, I wish I was just someone's first choice. That someone would just take a interest in me and ask me to do something with them. Who wants to go adventures with me. I've been a lone wolf pretty much my whole life. I wasn't exactly popular at school and found it difficult to find genuine friends I'm just tired. Basically to sum it it, I just wish someone actually wants to hang out with me

Just don't let yourself be so miserable and hold for people just because you're afraid to be lonely. Embrace your fears concur them. Grow and you will find right people in your life that will treat you as you deserve.

Thanks Gem Inc - and welcome! :) Cheesecake - hi and ditto! I'd like to add my two-pennyworth at some point soon, after I've properly caught up with my long-haul Posters, so do ensure you've switched on your Alerts. When, not If - speak soon(er)! PS: You sound UNDER-entitled, actually.

"I'm currently feeling stuck in life and I'm not sure what to do. I think one of the main reasons is because I don't really have anyone to go and do things with. I quite a few friends but it's a struggle to organised things with them. They all have their own partners or they live a bit too far etc." You in your mid-late 20s? "I do have my best friend. Who I love to bits however I've realised we never really do anything fun. Just comfortable things like going out for drinks." Who's fault is that? "I took her to a picnic at our local park a few weeks ago to cheer her up. And then I saw her a few weeks after that and she said I inspired her and she took her sister to London for a picnic." Oh. Not yours. Covering-up the fact she's copying your mojo by trying to butter you up by giving you credit (for the fact you're making outings with OTHERS, more enjoyable). Bet she doesn't give you credit to those others in these instances (including her sister). Do you feel emulated and like all your refreshingly-different ideas are being 'stolen'? What else does she copy? Has she started using (Appropriating) your unique phrases as well? "That's when I kinda realised that she never organises those kinds of things with me. Not unless it's one of our birthdays." What has she managed to come up with for the last however-many years of your birthdays? And were these occasions always 'in front of' others (witnesses)? "A few weeks before that I mentioned about going on a big trip together next year. Somewhere like New York. She's going to florida with brothers and sisters this year so we didn't do anything. And we've both had to be frugal with our money." Did she tell you in plenty of time? Are her brothers and sisters paying for her? "She seemed really excited by the idea. However when I last caught up with her, she mention her and her sister talking about going to Disney land Paris next year. Forgetting about the conversation we had a few weeks prior." Is she a Goldfish? "Now both of us are really into Disney." Then that counts as crowing ("I'm gonna have-an ice-cream an'-it's you-ou're faaav-'rite, but you-oo-ooou caa-aaaan't"). "And my Mum mentioned how it's weird that she never invites me on these Disney trips." I'm with mum (but less tactful lol). "And I understand where my mum is coming from." Yuh, it's called, How True Friends Behave/Treat You. "And there is a part of me that is disappointed." Well, you wouldn't be human if you weren't! "But at the same time, I have to be an adult about this and if she doesn't want me to go then I can respect that. I'm not entitled to go on these trips in any way." Sorry - where did you get this 'How To Be An Adult About Things' book? Sounds more like how NOT to, to me? It's called, 'Tell me, (so-called) Bestie - how come you never invite me along (etc). It's just, it's really getting quite annoying and hurtful now.' I.e. speak up for yourself. I know-I know...easier said than done when friends are scarce and one keeps wearing you down. So you're going to have to 'garner your loins' and be brave enough to put this one-way friendship on the line and see which way it too-easily falls. A fake friendship is no, even *second*-class substitute for a real one. They're not called Toxic for nothing. And she's behaving Toxic (too insensitive/uncaring aka 'forgetful' even for an innocent goldfish). Feels to me, more like your *Competitor*. Correct? "And she seems to do a lot more with her sister, like going to concerts, going to London etc." Probably, sister has to pay for the pleasure. "And there's just a part me that wishes she would ask me to join or do those things with her too." Nah. You might prefer Sister. Or you'd see her trying to impress her sister with YOUR (natural) interactional repertoire. Question: Does she ever give you back your own advice/sayings, as if she's forgotten you were the one told HER? "I probably sound entitled now." NOPE! Unless it's because she's more skint than she wants you to know (although true friends tell you virtually everything!) - the things she's failing to do are normal part-and-parcel of Best (Gal) Friendship. Friendship Duties. Sounds like she gets all the perks for no work, whilst you do all the work for no perks. Correct? "But I don't have any brothers or sisters. So I don't really have that safety net." Or frame of reference. You're naturally-healthily insecure at this point in your life and instead of trying to reassure you and fill-in (even to normal Fship degree), she's kind of rubbing salt in your wounds instead. Correct? "My best friend is really all I have and the closest thing I'll ever have to actually having a sister" HAVE. Not will ever have. A real friend won't keep you hanging on when you're starving, by constantly doing nothing but throw you crumbs (and inedible Custard Pies in your face). "But besides that, I wish I was just someone's first choice. That someone would just take a interest in me and ask me to do something with them. Who wants to go adventures with me." Then all you've befriended/been befriended by, is selfish, self-obsessed people, all the way to outright Narcs. What else does your Mum say? And what does your Mum do on weekends? And your Dad for that matter? I mean - Only Child...you're probably one of the grown-ups anyway! Deputy Parent. Correct? Is this girl just too damned immature for you? Should you be striking up convos with older people? "I've been a lone wolf pretty much my whole life. I wasn't exactly popular at school" Yeah, the adults in kid suits tend not to be where toddlers in kid suits are concerned,...whom then become no more than kids in adult suits. (who couldn't emotionally or interpersonally think their way out of an unsealed paper bag). " and found it difficult to find genuine friends" Because you don't realise the effect they have on you. They make you 'somehow unattractive' to all the normal-healthies. "I'm just tired. Basically to sum it it, I just wish someone actually wants to hang out with me" Tsk - awwwwwwwww? ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((("IT'S NOT YOU" HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Don't worry, this is just a phase. A rite of passage, even. 'This too shall pass'. It's really not YOU. You're not the reason she's such a self-esteem-crushing arsehole-oops, sorry, but - there you have it. Anti-Friend, but, sadly, with seemingly good days in between...which is what keeps you hanging on when you know full well you should create distance or go Cold Turkey. Transfer whatever percentage of your total affections toward her, to here/this place/me/others, get used to the reciprocation (the FUNCTIONALITY), the chewing the fat practise, all of it, and you'll meanwhile be weaning yourself off her and getting her power over you (whilst you're over a barrel) into more realistic, less threatening perspective. Demote her in your mind and hang out here, talk to me and others, until your confidence 'goes out and makes friends for you'. We'll get that Grooming/Priming 'Slime' (that stinks to normal-healthies) off you for a start. And then you'll start drawing people to you without even lifting a finger (nor they - friendship buds HAPPEN, not get made). You game?

PS: Have a read of "WT's" thread. She's basically in the same boat as you. Also "No-One's". Frankly, there's always plenty in your boat. Also, you must be brimming with justified Resentment at the mo. Feel free to have a vent (just asterisk any swear-words).

(Anyway, all of that, basically, was what what Gem was getting at.)

Gem, would you by any chance have any tried-and-tested tips and reassurances you could pass onto our Cheesecake here? :) No worries if you're too busy - just say, and continue quickir 'diagnosing' and nutshelling the situation(s) (which is very helpful).